Catch-22

I’ve been tip-toeing about how exactly to word this post, but I figured–fuck it, I’m just going to type.

The past few months to a year, I’ve already felt like I’m at a standstill; like I’m underappreciated and like I should simultaneously be doing more. The past week has really intensified this feeling.

I started the day out on Monday with a fresh, positive outlook. The kids and I left the house ON TIME for once on a Monday! I dropped everyone off with time to spare at all the places we needed to be and I strolled into work about 10 minutes early. ON A MONDAY! That NEVER happens! Usually I’m skidding into the Monday meeting by the skin on my heels!

So anyway, our boss treats us to Cracker Barrel for a job well done the past few months. It was such a great surprise (especially because I was starving and hadn’t packed breakfast!) and it made Monday that much better.

We get back to work and I have to turn in some stuff that was already late; the 2nd batch of items that needed to be turned in. I’d done the first batch on Friday, but was told to wait on this one since it was a lot of stuff. To make a long story short and leave out a few details: Someone was scolded, and this same someone implied that it was my fault and told me “that’s the reason you’re here”. That I’m here for something mediocre; like nothing else that I contributed was important whatsoever. I was furious and I stayed quiet. Well, not too quiet, because I did mention a few things, because I was that appalled. I walked away fuming and to be honest: hurt. I bust my ass, and that’s how I’m repaid?

The couple of people I told about what happened were also shocked and couldn’t believe what was said to me, because they agreed: it wasn’t my fault. So I tried to go on about my day, but I was angry.

I had to opportunity to attend the Mayor’s Prayer Luncheon, where David A. R. White was the speaker. It was a wonderful event: the food was great, I ran into Karina! The speeches were sweet and Mr. White’s presentation was incredibly inspirational and often humorous. I felt like his entire speech spoke to me, and I needed to hear it at that precise moment. In short, it was about how we’re all here for a grand reason and how one thing shouldn’t make you feel like you should give up. I became teary, but held myself together. I decided at that moment that I need to make changes.

Skip forward to Wednesday, when I’m having a conversation with a friend, and I find some things out that turn me into a blubbering mess. Things that I suspected already, but knowing for a fact made me feel like I got punched in the gut, like I was heartbroken. It highlighted what “that” person told me even more, and I just felt like a loser, and I know I deserve more. (Before I go on, no, this has nothing to do with my husband or our marriage!) I cried for 2 days straight. Jorge was a huge support and listened to me bawl my eyes out, as were 2 other friends. I know what I have to do, but it’s at the risk of sounding ungrateful, or adding a lot of stress to my plate, or starting all over.

Either way, it needs to be done. And it’s going to suck.

Technical Difficulties

I managed to waste hours of my life trying to figure out issues with WordPress, yesterday and today.  I can’t seem to access my login from a computer browser, and on top of that, old themes had a line of code that were causing my site to have ad banners on the bottom. Super annoying. I realized today that I am wayyy too old for this shit; I don’t have the patience anymore to sit and decipher the coding to find the errors, etc. I just want the shit to work when I finally get a chance to update 😕 .

Anyway. My original plan yesterday was to finish my Spring Break post and start on the food festival one. My big event that was causing me so much stress is now OVER!! *spins* I’m crossing my fingers that that was the end of the high-stress for a bit at work, but you just never know. (I just realized I’m clamping my jaw as I type this–no wonder I have to use a night guard 😆 ).

Anyway, Mom and I did some thrift shopping yesterday. I got some books, old records and some dresses and she got books and VHS tapes she’s collecting.

We were so lazy after being in line forever that we got Wing Stop for dinner.

My acne/hormones had mercy on me last week; even through the stress and that time of the month. A most unfortunate combination most of the time, but my face stayed clear, for the most part. But then this weekend came along and BOOM. Cysts on my chin. Grr. Jorge and I were finally going to Suerte’s Barbacoa and Big Red brunch and I knew I’d run into people so I was forced to put on makeup. Sure enough, I ran into Yazmin and then Maritza. Jorge and I looked for seats for a good while, but there were none, so we left :(. I was so sad. For the life of us we couldn’t figure out WHERE there was Sunday Brunch, so we ended up at Fuzzy’s Taco Shop.(Later on, we got some great suggestions on Facebook!)

(I was totally not wearing a bra with that blouse. TMI, I know. But never in my life was I able to do that before! And I didn’t feel gross! #breastreductionftw!)

The foods! I literally ate 1 1/2 strips of that giant quesadila!

Anyway, we ran into Kristina and my “new” cousin Josh, his wife and baby. We ran some errands, and then Jorge worked on his car as mom and I visited Gramma and went grocery shopping.
And then I was online with tech support and got nowhere *sigh*. At least I’ve still got access from the app. *knocks on wood*