Category: Daily

2021 So Far – Super Quick Recap

Feeling super adulty today. I didn’t sleep in and I did most of the laundry yesterday, which I usually do on Sundays and am killing myself at 12am when there’s still shit to be dried. Anyway! So I only have a couple of loads of towels to wash and then I’m done with that. I also filed my taxes–hell yeahhh! I remember waiting till the last minute last year and then bitching when my refund took forever LOL. I’ve got bills to pay this year so, I’m on pins and needles waiting for that money.

So since my last post: I’m liking my job. Love the pay (even though taxes, retirement and health insurances KILL ME), love that I have my own area (cubicle–my first job where I’m posted up in a cubicle!) and I get to read at my desk during lunch. My co-workers are all awesome, but I only get to see 2 of them every 2 weeks. How do I explain it? Like, they’re scheduled for 2 weeks in a row and then they telework for 4 weeks or some crap like that. Luckies. But I recently started teleworking once a week, which is nice, but this past week was a disaster. The internet kept crapping out, I deleted a file from our SharePoint like a dumbass that I couldn’t retrieve and then I had to go in halfway through the day because a shipment of supplies was being delivered *face palm*. My boss didn’t reply to my texts about going in because he was in a meeting and I didn’t want to end up HAVING to go in and being in a hurry, so I panicked and went in. He sees me in the office and says, “What are you doing here??” *face palm #2* But it was still a good day.

I met one of my female co-workers for the first time this week and I just love her. We are both girly, love pink and plants. And have tons in common! She even gave me cuttings from her beautiful ivy!

As for Jorge and I…we decided around…December? that we would see how things would go between us. He did start taking meds for his mental health issues (but forgets to sometimes and then we both can’t handle it) and he did see a psychiatrist like I suggested (but then stopped going). Most of the time he’s the “old, OLD Jorge”–the Jorge that was always completely infatuated with me and just loved spending time with me. But sometimes, like lately, the “bad, old Jorge” makes an appearance and I can’t deal. It brings back too many bad memories. I’ve decided that this year I’m working on my inner peace and dealing with his (or anyone’s) bullshit ain’t for me. Not doing that anymore. It’s taking a lot of motivation that I’m struggling to find, but I’m working on my goals this year.

My kiddos are doing fine, even though Eenan doesn’t come over as often as he used to, but we do video chat. Jaylen, Alaethia and Emmos are here the majority of the month, but still visit their dad (who is, amazingly, buying his own house after all these years). I’m still renting my same house, but hoping that’ll change in the future. So much of my money gone to waste on rent, but at least we have a roof over our heads.

Dimitri (John’s baby) turned 2 on January 30th.

Alaethia turned 14 last month and Emily turns 12 this month–crazy!!

They’ve recently gotten really into working out; I hope they continue long enough so that I can join them. I’m telling you–that damn motivation is hard to find! I’ve unsuccessfully started and re-started Keto. I messed up this weekend, again. But I NEED to get on the ball. I’m holding steady at 142-145. FML!!!

I’d rather read (“Luster” by Raven Leilani, “When No One is Watching” by Alyssa Cole are my most recent finished reads) than go for a walk, but I did yesterday with the girls. It was nice taking Jack Jack with us (oh, Jack is my Shih Tzu that Martha gave us <3 !).

I don’t think I wrote about it, but around September/October, mom started having really bad pains in her back and started losing mobility in her legs due to the pain. She had about 3 falls–with the last one being so bad that I asked Aunt Nora for help with getting her into a nursing home. It was a good thing I showed up after work that day, because after Linda left, Mom decided to go to the kitchen for lunch and fell and stayed there all those hours till I showed up. I didn’t have a key to John’s apartment so I had to call the ambulance and ask John to please hurry. He got there before the ambulance did, thank goodness. It was heartbreaking to see her there on the floor when we barged in but we didn’t want to move her. The EMT’s did and she was in so much pain. Turned out that she had several old fractures and the newest one was causing the intense pain. She decided on her own after that that she did want to be in a nursing home. It was a relief. I thought she would become more depressed, but she’s got some awesome neighbors and roommate and nurses. Her roommate, Sonia, and her very good friend, Bill, spend time with mom and have actually gotten her to go out and play bingo and get her nails done. I’m so happy she’s happy. I have to get a Covid test done every 2 weeks to ensure that I’m negative and to be able to visit her, but it’s worth it to see her.

The girls (my friends) and I had been having weekly Girl’s Nights, but because Covid is once again on the rise, we’ve kind of halted. Mary, from Quinta Mazatlan, passed away due to Covid. It was a shock. Duvin, my old co-worker from TABC, passed away from a heart attack. It’s just so sad. Javi is also very sick. He’s back in Austin with Dinah. He hasn’t replied to messages or tagged me in cat posts on Facebook like he used to, so that worries me also. I know his condition is very grave, but we’re all hoping for a miracle.

Ok, going to make sure these girls get the dishes in the dishwasher before I start the foods for Superbowl. Go Tom Brady! I mean, Buccaneers!!

The 2020 Silver Lining

Even though I’ve been slacking like crazy, I must document my first day at my new job…WITH THE GOVERNMENT!!

I started putting in tons of applications since shit hit the fan with Jorge in March. Rejection letter after rejection letter made its way to my inbox. Friends pushed me not to give up and I’m so grateful.

The job is pretty laborious in some ways and there is no covered parking like there was at TABC—in fact: it’s quite a walk from the staff parking lot to my office. But this will motivate me to walk more and stop being lazy. Tomorrow marks 2 exact years since I hurt my knee at Bill Schupp Park. Hope I can get back into Keto (since I *have* to pack lunch for my 30-minute lunch).

I have a full day of orientation tomorrow. Wish me luck!

Stop. Eating. Carbs!!

Message to myself:

Stop eating the damn carbs. JUST. STOP! You feel that gurgling in your belly? The indigestion? The discomfort? The BLOAT? It feels like you’re going to POP from how bad you feel right now. Do you LIKE feeling like you’re going to shit yourself if you cough or sneeze? HUH?? Do you?!

And these pants, that used to fit you huge? Well now they don’t fit. Now they make ripping sounds as you’re trying to pull them up over your ass, like just now when you went to pee. It’s lunch time in 20 minutes—and although you’re starving—you don’t even feel like eating because your belly might explode from the bloat. Oh but the concha you Cookie-Monstered this morning as you waited for Bentos to finish peeing outside was GREAT wasn’t it?? And how about the 2 conchas and the other 2 pan dulces you had last night, AFTER the Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger and onion rings from Whataburger???? WITH BUNS!! And then you WONDER why you feel like shit and why you’re breaking out!? And did you remember to take your probiotic? No, of course not. ‘Cause you’re too lazy to walk to the kitchen to get it from the fridge (and your zit cream, too!). Do you enjoy the feeling of not being able to breathe or like puking because you ate so many damn carbs??

Girl. You stress me out.

Quit using your period/PMDD as an excuse to fuck up your diet/way of eating/body. Because that’s exactly what you’re doing: making excuses to self-sabotage. And for WHAT?? To feel like shit?? To change 5 times every morning because you don’t like how your clothes fit? To walk around, moping, because you feel fat and uncomfortable in your clothes?? ‘Cause that’s all you’re doing!! Do you feel good about anything after you binge eat?? NO! You never do!! So quit doing it already!!! Faaakkk!!