Taking a Breather

Today is Good Friday, which means I have a day off from work. The kids are with the other parents, and since the family is coming down from Austin and we’re hosting everyone on Easter Sunday, I figured it was the perfect chance to tidy up and take care of some more tidying-up-things I hadn’t had a chance to do. But first, I wanted to go jogging! I started up again this past Tuesday when I went with Emmos.

And then Wednesday, both girls went with me and we literally RAN since it was about to start raining.

So of course I would wake up today feeling like a chicharron; completely sore and immobile. And guess what? I slept till friggin’ 10:30 a.m.! So I didn’t accomplish that part of my to-do list. I made some breakfast, Keto Pancakes, instead!

And then I got to cleaning. First I started with my bathroom, which the cats completely destroyed. I love Kika, but my gosh, that cat is sooo messy!

I’d recently finished the book “The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up” because this chick needs HELP with tidying. So I used the KonMarie method last week by starting with all the clothes I own…and got rid of 1 garbage bag. ONE. UNO. I must have done something wrong! But Jorge installed a 2nd rod below one side and now I have space for my pants! Now all my clothes finally fit, thank God. Maybe that’s all I needed! 😆 I still have a mess on my futon though: stuff that needs mending, stuff that needs to go to the cleaners and stuff I want to sell on eBay. (That last one probably isn’t going to happen and the stuff’s gonna end up at Goodwill anyway *sigh*.)

Anyway. Cleaning out my closet entailed pulling out my large storage bin of photo albums. Those albums have been in that bin since Mario and I got divorced and that bin followed me to each house, each closet I’ve had since. They stayed in the bathroom all week until today when I removed some 80’s toys from the bottom shelf of one of my bookcases and organized all my albums. Of course, my ADD didn’t allow me to just PUT the books on the shelf; I had to look through each one of them. I’m not sure if flipping through and seeing my boys as babies, frozen in time, and now I don’t even speak to them on some days because they don’t answer their damn phones! Or seeing the girls as babies, or all the family photos with my ex-family, or photos I had of Jorge with other girls I despised LOL (we were friends our whole lives, remember?), or seeing photos of Gramma and just missing her…but as the day went on I felt this huge cloud of sadness just engulf me completely. I had already finished cleaning the bathroom, the bookcase and was halfway through organizing and chucking stuff in the kitchen when I realized I felt…defeated. I looked around and I felt tired, and I felt like I wasted my day off…and then I suddenly started bawling. For no reason. I just stood there in front of the sink and cried and sobbed. And I just let it happen. I went outside to the porch to get some fresh air, and just as I was calming down, Sandra calls me. I take a deep breath before I answer and we talk and I tell her she called at just the right moment. We talk about her goings on and my goings on and then we hang up. I was tossing out papers in the kitchen and was about to start vacuuming when I decided I needed a break. So here I am. It could also be that I haven’t really eaten; I just had some iced coffee and a few bites of a One bar. But writing has helped. And I called the kids to get an update on their day, so I feel better.

Maybe cleaning made me emotional 😆 ! Jorge got home later on and we went to pick up wings at Pizza Hut and as he’s telling me about all these awesome plans I just start bawling again! He said I was scaring him and that I have no reason to stress right now…and I really don’t! So, who knows, but I feel better now, thank goodness!

Uneasiness and Tangents

Did I even spell that title correctly? Hmm…anyway. I’m all alone with my thoughts; for the past few hours. Jorge is working (yes, this late) and the kids aren’t here this weekend 🙁 but they’d probably be asleep by now anyway if they were. Briana, Mia, Joyce and the kids were here earlier, but they’ve since gone home 🙁 . My dinner ended up being an iced coffee from Starbucks, where I picked up a gift card earlier.

Anyway, we caught up and talked and I learned some annoying shit that’s happened recently, but it’s not my place to say anything about it. And I hate it. Because I want to scream and tell people off and just be a total bitch about these things I have no control over. The anger’s been festering in my gut for the past few hours that I feel nauseous and hungry all at the same time. I was going to get up and make an anger-filled chocolate mug cake, but I felt too lazy to. And then I thought I’d get a Carb Smart ice cream pop thing but that also required getting up from this chair and nah. But I also don’t feel hungry, which is progress for me in hindsight, since I would have devoured an entire box of Carb Smart in the past. Yay me.

I tried finishing my Calaca wreath but wasn’t into it. I started laundry, but haven’t put it in the dryer yet. I started browsing though job postings since I received an e-mail and I have A.D.D. but everything sucks. Started looking for that stupid book I need to study because my brain has forgotten everything it learned all these years (HOW was I valedictorian and salutatorian, HOW??), but I got distracted again and said, “Hmm, I haven’t blogged in a while…” 🙄

Can you believe I feel guilty for feeling angry? That’s what’s wrong with me: I can never just be MAD. I feel guilty and ungrateful for being angry. I had a great day of shopping (that’s what happens when Jorge leaves me alone too long) and not even that helped. Well, it did for a little bit, heh.

I used up coupons left and right and managed to find a black dress at Old Navy for our Annual Banquet. It was comfy and I liked it at the store, but in no way, shape, or form is it “cocktail attire”. Then I saw this other dress online just a while ago, but I’m sure it’s about $75 and I’m NOT paying that for a dress I’ll wear one time.

I also finally found my mustard-colored cardigan. I was really hoping to find one at Goodwill, or eBay, but no luck. So I paid $10 for a legit new one 😆 . Now I need to fix that blouse with the foxes on it that I absolutely had to have a mustard-colored cardigan for. I bought it in medium in March and now it’s huge. I literally wore it once. One of the negatives of dropping 2 sizes 😕 .

Which is why I’m scouring Goodwill and clearance racks for pants. All of my jeans, shorts and work pants are cinched at the waist with safety pins since losing weight, and it looks pretty bad because it clumps under my blouses. I got lucky last month when I found 2 red pants (one brand-new from Old Navy and brand-new Calvin Klein ones, both with tags). This month I found a denim jacket (in extra small, WHAT), 2 dresses (one from Gap with tags) and a cute sweater from Aeropostale. I think I spent $10 or less on all that!

Here’s one of the dresses and the jacket:

(Yes, my cats are indeed enormous!)

I realized today as Mom and I walked to the car from visiting Gramma that my thighs 100% don’t rub when I walk in a dress anymore! That’s a darn non-scale victory in itself! Oh! And I tried on pants at Kohl’s (I had Kohl’s cash, woo!), and I fit into a SIZE. 3. THREE. Tres. I haven’t been size 3 since I was 17!!! And I have a post all about my 5-month Keto experience and progress, but obviously I never finished it, but I seriously weigh the lowest as an adult, EVER. I seriously love Keto, no joke.

Ok. I should go check on the darn laundry. Or pay bills online. Or you know, wash my face, brush my teeth and go to bed? Meh.