Surrounded By Love, But Still A Bit Lonely

Poor Mario had a tough night at work. He barely got out about 15 minutes ago (it’s currently 11:45pm). They got a truck at 5 and just now finished up. He ran the wires too short for the amplifier and then after that the other two guys working on the truck with him (Jorge and some other guy), messed up a few things. The amp burned out, a speaker didn’t work and something on the alarm was cut so it didn’t work either. Poor Mario. Jorge was pissed. He feels really bad, but it’s not like he screwed up on his own.

This weekend was nice. Hectic, but nice. After seeing Mario off to work on Saturday morning, and eating breakfast, John and I went to paint at the apartments. It sucked, but we made good progress. All we needed after that was the kitchen (which takes the longest because of the cabinets) and bathroom and the tops of the walls. John was having a fit because he “didn’t want to do that shit”. I told the boy he was going to help me when it came time to paint them. I wasn’t gonna do it by myself, heh. I did my share of complaining (it was hot, dammit!), but at least I painted right. John left one of the walls all streaky looking .

Mary told us to take a break, so we did. We watched Super Size Me, which made me never want to eat McNuggets or Premium Salads again. When Mary got back, she started on the inside of the kitchen cabinets and I continued in the back bedroom. It got dark fast, so we stopped. I came back and took a shower (there were clumps of paint in my hair…don’t ask.). Then she took the boys and me to see Gramma for a little bit. I feel so sad that it’s going to be her first Thanksgiving away from us . Mario already said he doesn’t want to “be driving around” on his day off, so I have no idea how I’m going to see Mom or Gramma. She asked for us to smuggle in a plate of turkey for her LOL, and I promised we would. *sigh*

After that, we went to Target, where Mary got some X-mas gifts. I just looked around the scrapbooking isle. There’s such cute embelishments and stickers! I want to get back into scrapbooking…I only have a few done in my Precious Moments scrapbook. After Target, we went to Wal-Mart to pick up a few groceries and then came home. I listened to my music and drove John nuts (who sleeps in the living room on the futon when he sleeps over and had no choice but to listen, buahahaha). Big Mario was at the ranch and called to ask us if we wanted to go over there Sunday morning. I told Mario about it and he said, “Do YOU wanna go?”, I replied, “Yes.” So he said, “Well then yeah…I guess.” He got home super late that night–around 2am. He was playing pool . That’s when I started feeling ignored. I thought to myself when I heard him scurrying around in the kitchen in the wee hours of the morning, “I bet he’s not gonna want to go to the ranch tomorrow.” And sure enough, he didn’t.

Mary brought us McDonald’s the next morning . John felt almost nauseous…since we’d watched Super Sized Me and learned all of McDonald’s dirty little secrets. I ate my sausage buscuit…which I have to admit I love. Mostly for the biscuit which I smother with apple jelly. I could feel my liver crumbling as I ate…

After making as much noise as I could because I was being a bitch and wanted Mario to have a hard time sleeping for getting home so late, I got the boys in the car and we left. It was fun over there, I have to admit. Someone gave Pino a turkey, which he kept as a pet. I’d never seen a turkey like that (there’s a K-Mart commercial with a bunch of turkeys just like him!). He was too cute. He was white, and when he was nervous/angry his head and neck would turn blue, and when he was calm and happy, he’d turn red. Too cute LOL. The boys chased him around and laughed their heads off because they loved how goofy he looked when he ran. Poor Guero (Blondie). I drove the 4×4 after Mary and Big Mario showed me what to do. It was awesome. When I took only Eenan with me for a ride once, I was going really fast and with his little hands gripping onto the handles and his hair flailing madly in the wind he yells, “THIS IS SOOO AWESOOOOOME!” He’s too cute LOL. Jaylen was falling asleep, so on our last ride around the ranch he started sliding off the side…I had to slowly drive back as I clutched onto him! We saw the deer blinds Big Mario built and the one Pino built…they’re too cool. The kids called them tree houses LOL. The men bar-be-cued pork ribs and chicken and heated up deer tamales. We ate and then came home. The boys behaved exceptionally well. Thank God for spiral notebooks and map colors!

When we got home I told John and Mario about our day. I tried not to be mad at him but he made it hard for me. He was acting like an ass. I even cried at night when we went to drop John off and he laughed! He made me so mad. When we got home he went to Chris’. We’d already sort of made up…and as he was walking out the door I softly sing “All By Myself”. He laughed his ass off and he said, “Shut up! You’re such a weirdo!” Which I am, what can I say. He came back and we watched a movie. I folded clothes while we did because I was in desperate need of sleep, but wanted to spend time with him. I still ended up falling asleep before him.

Today, I painted and now I only need the bathroom, the top of the front bedroom and the kitchen (bleh). I hope to finish soon, especially since John’s going to spend the week here. Relatives are coming down and he doesn’t want to be there at Aunt Nora’s. I told him he’d have to be my slave (only not in those exact words) if he wanted to be here LOL. Dr. Z called and said Eenan’s blood test came back clear! Yay! Now all we need is his chest X-ray. *crosses fingers*

Ok…I’m dreadfully tired. I need to stop staying up so late. But I wanted to see the husband before I went to sleep *sigh*. It sucks that I never get to see him. I feel lonely and he’s only been working for 3 weeks!

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Bridget Jones Is My Alter Ego

Had a girl’s night out with Mary and Noelia . Felt so nice to be “away” for a while, but in the back of my head I was worrying about the kids because John was babysitting . We watched Bridget Jones’ Diary The Edge of Reason. I almost didn’t want to watch it because I thought it would be dumb, but I’m so glad I did! It was hilarious and so cute. I’m actually listening to the soundtrack right now .

I noticed I’m a bit like Bridget Jones. I often feel fat and uncomfortable, feel like I said something wrong, and usually do something strange and embarrass myself . Poor Mario, who has to put up with me LOL. The movie got me thinking about how I feel about myself now, which got me thinking about how I used to feel about myself. I remember back when I was thinner–back when Mario and I were still dating–he’d introduce me to friends of his and heads would turn, and he’d constantly get complimented on how pretty his girlfriend was. I miss that. I miss being complimented, I miss Mario grinning from ear to ear because he was that proud of me being his. He still is, don’t get me wrong. Just tonight when I dropped a CD off for him at work his face lit up when he saw me. Then when he got home he said I looked “so gorgeous” tonight. I thanked him of course, I just wish I could actually believe it. I’ve always had low self-esteem and have always been highly self-conscious about myself, but I’ve been even more-so as of late. I feel…really fat. It bothers me, feeling this way. I never thought I’d have this “problem”. I was always thin, could eat as much as I wanted and never gained weight. But then, I had kids and there went my metabolism. Then there is the whole issue with my boobs (or ‘Wobbly Bits’ as Bridget referred to them)…ugh, I don’t even want to go there. I wish I could buy a dress and not be popping out of it. I can buy an Extra Large and I’ll be swimming in it, but my boobs will still be having trouble keeping themselves in. I wish I could snap my fingers and be back in shape, but it doesn’t work that way. Being busy all the time doesn’t allow for much work-out time. Then I tell myself, “Just be happy the way you are.” But it’s easier said than done *sigh*.

Anyway, enough of that, my pity party LOL. I’ll get over it. Movies do that to me. They get me thinking, which isn’t always positive thinking. *smacks self*

Eenan’s optometrist appointment went well. He was very antsy because they took an awful long time, but he was very cooperative. He is going to need glasses . He’s got astigmatism like his daddy. Today, we went for his follow-up with the doctor and they drew blood again, poor baby. He screamed, “I don’t want her (the nurse) to take my blood! I want it to stay in!” LOL I hope this time we get better results. Dr. Z is still boggled by the fact that Eenan looks so healthy, but his test results say the opposite. It’s been so hectic with all the appointments this week. That’s a huge factor in my being over tired and stressed. I have to be rushing around after the appointments. I only get about 2 hours to make dinner, Mario’s lunch, feed the kids, spend a bit of time talking with Mario after he gets home, bathe both kids, brush their teeth, read them 2 stories (they each request one), wash dishes, and if I haven’t done so during the day, take a shower. I’m hoping next week will be more relaxed–especially with a 5 day weekend coming up!

Mom’s doctor’s appointment went well. She’s going to be off work for a week because of the infection in her eye. Her diabetes had skyrocketed when they checked her on Thursday and they wanted to admit her into the hospital, but when they checked her this morning she was fine, thank God. I want to see Gramma this weekend. I hope we have time. I started priming the walls for painting this afternoon at the apartment. I’m gonna start painting tomorrow. John’s here and he’ll help me. I hope we finish soon. It’s such a drag having to paint .

Gonna get in bed now. It’s WAYYY past my bedtime and I will surely regret staying up this late in the morning.

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