Just Thinking…

I’m going to regret this tomorrow morning…staying up this late. Like I have every other night this week. I’m really tired, but I don’t feel sleepy. Blah, anyway.

Tomorrow’s going to suck I think. We didn’t get to buy the kids fireworks this year, Mario’s probably going to get out of work late (as always–but it’s not his fault ), Mom probably won’t get to come over, hopefully Mario won’t forget to pick John up…yeah, it’ll be boring. At least last year Mom was here and we popped fireworks with the kids and drank Bailey’s Milkshakes with Mary. I don’t even think we have ice cream!

I was bored as heck today without John here (yes douchebag, even though you get on my nerves at times, I enjoy your company…now, never speak of this again…). He went with Mom to the Social Security office. I hope, hope, hope she qualifies for SSI, or whatever it’s called. Disability? I mean, if they can help Alicia (that old bat Dad had been with) and they can help Tia Zoila, who have absolutely nothing wrong with them but the lazy gene, then they can help Mother. I’m just praying they will. She shouldn’t be working anymore. That’s the reason her diabetes is always on the fritz…they don’t give her a break since she only works 5-6 hours! Diabetics need to eat all three, or 5 small, meals a day!

So, since I was bored I decided to mess around with Google and search for stuff. It occured to me to search for ‘Rio Grande Valley’ and ‘McAllen’. It surprises me that out of all the people that live around here, I’ve only met two (very lovely) ladies from the Valley. Where is everyone? There’s got to be other bloggers out there. It’s just weird to me since the Valley’s so big. Maybe there are, and they’re just not in search engines?

All that got me thinking about my old friends *sigh*. What I’d give to have a little reunion. I have no idea what’s going on in Vero’s, Sally’s, Jessica’s, Angie’s, Dayse’s or anyone else’s lives. The last I heard was from Angie last March…only because I ran into her at Wal-Mart and she invited me to her wedding, which was a week later. I cracked a smile after hearing her say that because it broke my heart I wasn’t even properly invited. I’d known that girl since 1st grade . I’ve–well, not so much me, but my mother-in-law–has had the same phone number forever…she could have at least called me to let me know. I mean, I invited her to my wedding…not that she showed up . She asked, “You have my number, right?”, after telling me about the wedding. I nodded yes (she’s had the same one since we were in 1st grade) and told her I’d call her. I didn’t. I couldn’t get myself to. I felt so hurt by it all, call me a drama queen if you will.

I remember being in 3rd or 5th grade and we were in the lunch line. We were laughing like crazy and I don’t remember exactly what we were talking about, but I do remember clearly telling her she’d be my kids’ Godmother when we grew up. It really, truly sucks that she isn’t .

A similar thing happened when Vero was going to have her baby. They called me that same morning before I went into work to let me know she was having a baby shower. Of course I couldn’t make it, but I wanted to so badly! I almost skipped work to go. Instead, I got her some gifts and we dropped them off later. I remember getting tears in my eyes and actually sobbing when I saw her little girl in her arms. I felt so happy for her. But I didn’t even know her boyfriend. I didn’t even know her anymore. I felt so odd standing there with the gift bag and felt almost silly to be crying over this stranger and her child. I’ve known her since Pre-K. What really put the dagger into my chest was that Sally was the one throwing the baby shower for her (I’ve known Sally since Pre-K, too). I felt so alienated…and so jealous that they still had this strong friendship and I was just this girl they barely remembered at the last minute and decided to call for the heck of it. I don’t think she ever really got over our “problem” from 7th grade. It hurts to know I hurt her so badly that she may have hated me all those years after that. Maybe she thinks about me now and still resents me? That’s what hurts most of all.

As for Jessica, we kept in touch every so often. She’d even come sleep over before she had Danielle and her and her husband were having problems. We were “the twins” because we looked so much alike (though I always thought she was much more attractive), were the exact same height (short!), wore the same thing without knowing sometimes, and were inseperable. Until 8th grade and Coral came along. But that’s a whole other blog entry .

I know for a while Jessica didn’t like me, for reasons I don’t even know about, when we were in middle school. Maybe around 7th grade even. Maybe influenced by Coral and her hatred for me. I really don’t know why she hated me so much. People said she was jealous, though she had no reason to be. I believe it now due to the fact that she (Coral) tried to ruin every relationship I had in 9th grade when I still lived in McAllen. But Jessica and I kept in touch in high school since she went to a different one than the rest of us and kept in touch even more after high school. I miss her the most I think. I remember we lost touch after I had Jaylen. Then I called her up again one day when I was about to ‘pop’ with him and we started talking again. Then, she was going to have another baby, another baby girl. She called one day and asked if she could buy my maternity clothes off of me and I appologetically declined because most had just barely been bought for me by Mom and Mary in my last trimester and I didn’t think it would be too nice to get rid of everything for about $100. (These were after all, Motherhood and Mothertime clothes, which aren’t very cheap ). I think I spoke to her once after that. I really hope we just lost touch because of our busy lives and not because I wouldn’t sell her maternity clothes. As I’ve mentioned before…I just wish I had a crystal ball where I can see how everyone’s doing. Not so much get in contact with them again, because, based on past experiences, I know it’ll be a one-sided thing where I’ll be the only one making an effort. But I just want to see how everyone’s doing. It’s quite sad I haven’t heard from Dayse since 10th grade. I wish I knew how Pete, Lazaro, Freddy, Roy, Paul, how they’re all doing too.

It just sucks that I lost all those friendships. Out of all the friendships/aquaintances I made after leaving McAllen, none were as special as the ones I had with my childhood friends. None felt the same. I could never really trust anyone. Possibly one of the reasons I clung to Mario so much when I’d moved to Mission…because he understood me and actually cared about me. Whoo…I think I need to get to bed. I’m getting all choked up and am revealing too much information LOL. I feel silly now. But I’ve typed too damn much to close the window.

*sigh* I really need that crystal ball…

Continue Reading “Just Thinking…”

Christmas Shopping Pt. 1

Thank you so much to my Qbee Secret Santas for the extremely adorable gifts! I LOVE all of them!!

Well we didn’t go to the wedding afterall. I was a bit disappointed because we haven’t really gone to any weddings or special occassions where you have to get “dressed up”, and I was really looking foward to wearing that darn dress!

I picked John up on Friday. Actually, he was halfway here by the time I picked him up. I didn’t want to go too early because I didn’t want to wait long, and then I went late. Oops! Aunt Nora had called me earlier during the day and told me I should have a talk with John. She said she was worried about him because Mom was worried about him and she didn’t want anything bad happening to either one of them. That meaning, she didn’t want Mom’s blood pressure or diabetes to go berzerk since she was constantly worrying, and she didn’t want John to “hurt” himself if he really was that depressed. Depression (bi-polarism, whatever) runs in our family (my Mom’s side) and Aunt Nora really does think John’s suffering from it. I was worried he was too…especially with everything changing for him so quickly (moving over there, etc.). I even heard Aunt Nora cry for the first time in the 22 years I’ve known her. Not just over Mom and John, but because my cousin is depressed too. My heart broke in half. I didn’t even know what to say. So that night, I kept wondering how I’d bring it up and eventually just came right out and asked him what was wrong the past week. He opened up a lot. I had a lump in my throat the whole time. I wish he didn’t feel the way he does. We talked about everything really…I even told him he needs to be nicer to Mom…he doesn’t talk to her the way she’d like him to. He needs to understand she may not always be here and we have to make the most of the time we all have together. I hope I got through to him, and I hope he’ll feel better. He wanted to stay with us starting from this weekend, but I told him Mom might freak out since he was already planning on staying with us the almost-3 weeks of vacation.

Saturday, we all packed into Mary’s van (Mary, Sonia, Yazmin, John, the boys and me) and prepared for the chaos that is Christmas shopping. I got a Christmas present each for the boys, Christmas cards, mini cupcake cups and mini cupcake pan, the wireless controller for PS2 we’re getting John, and stuff from the dollar section. OMG…I am so in love with all the dollar items they have! I got Choco Cat some catnip-filled mice toys and some balls with bells in them. She LOVES them, especially the mouse one. Catnip’s like…crack for kittens!

I also got the $2 gift for Eenan’s gift exchange and a few stocking stuffers for them. I’d LIVE at Target if I could .

We still need to go back and get the rest of the presents. I don’t even remember how (gotta check my receipts!), but I spent $100+ on the few things I bought. I will be getting about $6 back from a price adjustment I’ll be getting. The two things I bought for the boys went on sale today–just my luck . Mario gets paid on Christmas Eve, so that’s when we’ll be going back to get the presents. I cringe at the thought of traffic and people congestion on that day. Yesterday alone was pure madness…and some people are so rude!

Mario didn’t end up getting the day off today. Last night the boss asked him if he could go in, and of course Mario said yes because if the employees say they have something to do and can’t come in, the tells them, “Oh…then go ahead and take a few days off.” Scary. So yeah, Mario wasn’t too happy about it (because he’s had 1 day off in a month, almost). He was really upset when he got home and kinda got depressed. While I was washing dishes and he was sitting at the computer, idly surfing the net he says, “I’m sorry I’m never home.” I turn around, walk to him and say, “What?? It’s not like it’s your fault. I’m sorry I act like a pain because you’re not here. I know you have to work…and I’m sorry I can’t take some of the burden and help you with the bills.” He says, “It’s my job to take care of you guys.” As always, I feel a pang of guilt in the pit of my stomach and say, “I’m sorry”. He quickly turns his face and says, “You shouldn’t be sorry….I want to be good at what I do.” I wrap my arm around him and say, “You’re getting there. You’re doing really good so far, and you’re only learning and getting better. I’m so proud of you…and so are the boys.” And they are. Jaylen’s still little so he doesn’t know too much about jobs and stuff, but Eenan does and everytime their commercial airs on TV he yells, “That’s where Daddy works!!!” I’m so proud of my husband…more than he could ever know

After Mario and I talked, I started on the peanut butter cookies I promised Annie. They came out even better than they did the first time ! Mario couldn’t stop talking about how good they were. He told me that the first time I made them and he took some to work, the guys all thought they were really good and that he kept bragging about how I made them from scratch. He said he told them, “Dude, she had a jar of peanut butter and a stick of butter on the table. And then she had cookies. She made them from scratch!” LOL…slight exaggeration on his part, but he’s too cute LOL. I have so much more baking to do in the next week. I usually help Mary bake on Christmas, since she gives little tins away with all the goodies. I need to make more peanut butter cookies and snickerdoodles (my favorite!). And of course the cupcakes I’m making for Eenan’s class. I LOVE baking. Although I do like EATING what I bake even more LOL.

So today we went to Catherine’s birthday party at Gorilla George’s. The boys had so much fun, even more than all the other times we’ve gone there. They got on the rides at least 5 times each. I was so sad that Mario wasn’t there with us, but John was there so it wasn’t totally boring. He’d keep an eye on one of the kids for me if they were on seperate rides, or if Yazmin was on a different ride than the boys. Jaylen was too cute on the “sleigh” type ride…it goes really fast in foward motion, then really fast backwards. He kept seeing Isiah raise his arms, and Eenan too on occassion, so he tried it once. He raised his hands about 2 inches above the bar in front of him and quickly clutched back onto it LOL. Poor Eenan hit his head on the headrest of the bumper cars he and Angela were on. Neither of them really know how to maneuver the car, so while they were quietly figuring it out in a corner away from all the other kids, a little boy found them an easy target and smashed right into them. Angela hurt her back and Eenan hurt his little head. The attendant had to stop the ride because she saw what happened and was worried herself. She rubbed his head (I couldn’t get in there yet) and she told me he wanted to stay in, so he did. He’s okay, thank goodness.

Catherine’s theme was Dora the Explorer. I’d never seen so many Dora the Explorer things. She got a bedroom full of stuff…she was so happy . I can’t believe she’s already 4! Damn, I’m getting old!

When we got home, Mario was already here. I’d brought him pizza, pasta and salad from the party so I didn’t have to cook dinner…yay! After he ate, he installed the speakers he bought his dad for his birthday and I made his lunch for tomorrow–lasagna. He called Albert right away to let him know I was making some, since Albert wanted some after tasting it the last time I made it. Hiram isn’t working tomorrow, but he told Mario to take him some on Tuesday LOL. Mario wants me to make a whole pan one of these days since some of the guys get “jealous” that Mario didn’t take them any. God LOL.

So that’s my update. Thank you all for the comments the past few days . I promise I’ll get back to you soon. Thank you Gonzo for the very generous gift you sent me …you’re a gem! And thank you to those who’ve sent me X-mas cards/gifts…I’ll post them up soon if I haven’t already! xoxo

Continue Reading “Christmas Shopping Pt. 1”