Category: Sadness

I can usually deal with stress pretty well; heck, I’ll even be annoyingly optimistic. People have even complimented me about it. But lately, I’ve got to admit: it’s tough.

I managed to get my 2nd cold of the year (a month apart) last Sunday. I felt awful at work on Monday but had a lot to do, and I almost went to work Tuesday because I was afraid of getting behind, but I told myself I needed to start taking care of myself. I keep thinking of my friend that had a stroke that was probably due to high stress. So I decided that work could wait. I took Tuesday off to go to the doctor and recover at home. I hadn’t slept very much Monday night due to the coughing, ear pain and not being able to breathe, so I kept passing out once I picked up my medication from the pharmacy. I’m still not 100% better; I keep waking up with a pain in my ear, even though I’m over everything else. Missing Tuesday did cause me to get behind at work, but I knew if I scheduled my day accordingly, I could catch up.

I was in charge of an event for our “Boss Boss”, and I was already nervous about screwing it up. I wasn’t even sure how I was going to drop off 4 kids at 2 different locations in 2 different cities and get to work by 7:30am in a totally different city (those are my Fridays and Mondays). Mario, thankfully, helped me out. I’d be missing Alaethia’s field trip, just like I missed Emily’s 🙁 , since I had an event that day, too, but Mario would accompany her.

I had a good count for my Boss’s event, got everything ready and then…I’m about 20 people short the count that I originally had as everyone started showing up. Thanks, people >_< . My Boss did tell me, “Good job,” at the end of the event, so that made me feel better.

Lunch time rolls around and I’m giddy as I make my way to my car, relieved that the event is over and done with. I was meeting Alaethia, her class and the moms at Mr. Gatti’s for Alaethia’s last part of the field trip. I relieve Mario and he hands me Alaethia’s stuff as the girls continue to play and the moms catch up while we eat lunch together. (I’m convinced the girls like us to go with them so they can hit us up for money!) We spent a few minutes with the kids and see them off on the bus. I get back to work and jot down my to-do list in the hopes of getting as much done by 5pm so I wouldn’t be swamped on Monday and could take the next Tuesday off with the kids. Next week is Spring Break, but we aren’t doing much. Still, I wanted to at least take a few days off to take the kids out for ice cream and the park, etc. Unfortunately, I had forgotten it was Spring Break during the week and had already made 2 appointments for Monday that I can’t miss. And then we have the food festival coming up, and I feel like we’re SO BEHIND. FAK. 🙁 So I figured I’d take Tuesday off only. So I got to work, and was on a roll…until Jorge called with an emergency.

I couldn’t believe what happened and I’m thankful things weren’t much, much worse. But I just feel like we can’t catch a break 😥 . 1 step forward, 2 steps back. I was angry at Jorge. I was angry at myself, too, for not taking care of things I should have, but I’m just so focused on work and it takes up so much time that I can’t take care of personal things that need to get done. And it shouldn’t be that way.

The girls had a sleepover at Jenny’s and when I went to pick them up, we had a nice impromptu therapy session with all 4 of them. I’m glad that they can openly talk with us about what’s going on with their friends. Apparently lots of drama is going on, but we explained to them that they’re wayyy too young for so much tension at school and that everyone can get along, even if they’re not BFFs. Now I need to have an uncomfortable conversation with another mom, and apologize for my little Emmos 😳 .

Jorge and I had a talk last night, and I felt better. Until something ELSE happened today. Ugh. I’m going to try and have a nonchalant, happy-go-lucky, carefree, fk-it attitude this week. I’ve got a lot on my plate at work, and may not be able to take a day off at all with the kids (especially because of this event, and my boss is off since Wednesday when we have shit to take care of!), but I’m not going to stress. I’m not.

Well. That’s easier said than done, but I’ve got to promise myself to take it easy. Or I’m going to lose my shit.

Started on Friday, March 28, 2014

Haven’t posted in over a week. And I was doing so well! I knew my streak couldn’t last very long.

First and foremost, it’s Dad’s birthday today. I didn’t want to post about it on Facebook because I never posted about it before, when he was living, and I just felt…like I’d be two-faced if I did. I think that’s why I’ve been feeling inexplicably sad today. I’ve been seeing men who resemble him. A lot more than usual. And of course, I’m filled with sorrow and regret because I didn’t call him on his birthday last year. And I wish I could today :*(. I still feel so awful. I wish I could talk to him one last time.

Blah. I’m a blubbering mess now. And I just served myself dinner and lost my appetite. I’m sort of glad Mom went to her bedroom already to watch her novela after I made dinner, or else she’d ask why I’m upset and we’d have to have that conversation. She hasn’t mentioned anything at all. I wonder if she remembers. If she does, this is the type of thing we do: we avoid talking about it.

Happy Birthday, Dad :(.

Jorge isn’t home from work yet. I spent an hour and a half talking to the kids, who are with Mario this weekend. That’s probably another reason I’m feeling upset. I miss them already. Ugh.

Jorge is going to wonder what the heck happened when he gets here, so I’m going to distract myself by recapping the past week.

It was our weekend with our kiddos last week starting Thursday, so it was a whirlwind, which is always welcome around here :). For the first time, ever, we had Julien here since Thursday, too, and he was just wonderful. All the kids are. They just make everything happier, more fun :). Don’t get me wrong, they get loud, but we like it.

On Friday, after work, I stopped by the pharmacy to pick up my meds (like a good little elderly lady) and stopped by Hidden Treasures to look around. I found a perfect Baby Brite for $2! Which then got me taking my old dolls out to compare. The girls have a blast when I get the itch to do that :).

Jorge got home and presented me with yet another super-early birthday present:

Is this man wonderful, or what??

We chilled out with the kids on the porch after ordering some pizza for dinner. I got my results back from my 2nd cholesterol screening and they were great all around! So I let it get to my head and I had a slice of pizza. I hadn’t had pizza in over 2 months! (Do I take after Mom, or what?? John sure did let everyone know that on Facebook, grr.)

I retract my previous statement. We hung out with SOME of the kids on the porch. The boys of course remained inside, where there was video games -_-. The girls had their electronics, too, but at least they were using them in our company.

In our usual fashion, Emily and I cuddled up and passed out on the outdoor sofa. Those cushions are the devil! My love was on HIS iPad so he watched that bugs didn’t get into our ears or anything (well, I hope he did…) and then carried Emmos inside and took me to bed.

And then he wrote the sweetest, most heartwarming post on Facebook *sigh* . He still takes me by surprise to this day .

Jorge was off on Saturday so we lazied around with the kids all day. Sally and Priscilla were coming over in the evening to hang out, so a few things on our agenda were cleaning, feeding the kids, and taking them to the park. I’m happy to say we got everything done on time, hehe.

I was going to post photos of the kids at the park, but my stupid SD card in my phone is being an ass AGAIN and is eating up my damn photos :(. I only got to upload a few to the gallery. It’s done it once already with the 32G, once with the 8G and now again with the 32G. It’s super annoying.

Jorge and the boys were happy that I was having my Girls Night In because they got to play XBox in the living room (because they never get to, heh). Aly and Emmos got to play with Quentin and the girls and I watched everyone from our perch at the round table. Jorge ordered pizza (again, sue me!), Priscilla brought over some cake and dips, I had pineapple-coconut Moscato and Sally brought some red wine we didn’t even get to drink LOL. We mostly chatted it up and did some man-bashing, talked about how wonderful our men are, talked about when they’re not so wonderful, talked about the kids, and life and bills and you know, the usual.

We called it a night at 10:30ish and then Jorge and I hung out with the kids till I passed out on the couch with the girls again. At 11 LOL. I’m such an old lady!

We had the laziest of Sundays with all the kids. We did a load of laundry, only because we needed towels. Made breakfast and lunch at home and then my love ordered Chinese and sushi for dinner just in time for the Walking Dead. I love how it’s a bonding experience with the kids ^_^. As soon as it was over we got all of them to brush their teeth and get into bed. And then it was time for another work week.

Monday went by pretty quickly. Well except for the last hour and a half since it was my shift for reception duty. Got home, took the girls to the doctor, were there and at the pharmacy for about 3 hours. I was so tired (literally nodding off while we waited) that I stopped for Wing Stop for dinner. We ate, I got the girls in the bath and went to the laundry room to get clean towels…just to walk into a puddle in the boys’ room. The darn water heater was leaking from the pipe that hadn’t been replaced recently. Thankfully our landlord and plumber are wonderful and they fixed it that night. That was a long day!

Michelle and I spent all of Tuesday looking for the right flowers and vases for some centerpieces I was doing for a luncheon the next day. I really wanted some simple hydrangea ones, but we opted for yellow roses when we couldn’t find enough hydrangeas =\.

That was the day I started eating junk again. A lady brought me a donut while I was at reception. Then Wednesday, after I got back from lunch, Jessica and I ate 2 small pieces of Sweet & Tasty cake =\. TWO.

I felt better about my stuffing-my-face guilt when I got home to find a package ^_^. My Fisher Price Cartoon Viewers had come in! The girls enjoyed them so much, it made me happy ^_^. And so did Jorge when he got home, hehe.

I also received this:

Never see these under $50 and I most definitely didn’t get it for that ^_^.

I rushed home Thursday evening to see the girls before they left for the weekend with their dad. We got their stuff together and I made turkey chilli and then they left around 6 :(. Jorge and Jorgie and Justin arrived and we ate dinner and then settled down to watch Anchorman. The boys and I had never seen the first one, and since Jorge wanted to watch part 2, he insisted we watch it. It was good LOL.

Friday was a regular day. I dropped off some fliers at a nearby community center, paid bills for work, updated some files and picked up my Emmos ^_^. She happily ate a popsicle and then I stopped by Tacos Kissi to meet my love who had ordered me some sushi.

I literally ate in 10 minutes, asked for my cucumber lemonade to go, and kissed my love on the cheek as I got up to go. He blinks as he jokingly says, “I feel so…used.” LOL I had reception duty since 1, with a break from 2-3:30 and then went back. There was hardly anyone in the office so my last 1 1/2 hours felt like 5. I wanted to gouge my eyes out.

And then I updated some of my 80’s pages and got really depressed before I started typing here. My love got home and he saw what a wreck I was and he was loving and listened and gave his gentle 2-cents. He took me to the living room where we watched “Anchorman 2” and I felt better :).

I tried sleeping in the next day but my love’s alarm kept going off and then I was hot, then cold, then I needed to pee so I just got up. Dayse and Karina and I were meeting for brunch at Dayse’s apartment and to meet her 2-month old baby, Sadye! We chatted and I made pancakes and Dayse’s hubby made us a fab quiche. It was wonderful catching up! And of course Dayse would be the most glamorous, put-together mommy of a 2-month-old in existence!

I feel so blessed to still be friends with these wonderful girls! No matter how much time passes in between our visits, it’s like there was never a gap at all. I love my girls :).

I got home around 5 and Mom and I went to run errands for her and then we visited Gramma :). She’s doing well, thank goodness. Mom helped her eat her dinner while we chatted. Then I dropped Mom off and I picked up Wing Stop…again, while I texted with Aunt Nora :).

Jorge and I caught up on our shows, and like always, I passed out on the sofa next to him. He woke me up around 1:00am and we went to our room. As badly as I wanted to pass out again I had to take my meds and wash my face. By the time I got back to bed my love was passed out and I was so refreshed from the face-washing that I couldn’t sleep anymore. I stayed up watching this weird movie called “Venom”…and then I really couldn’t sleep. I stayed up till 3am, hearing noises and getting up to check what they were and worrying about things, like were all of our kids safe at that hour? I cuddled up to Jorge as much as I could without throwing him off the bed, wrapped his sleepy-limp arm around me and finally, finally fell asleep.

Needless to say, we slept till 10:30am. I made us omelets (egg whites for me) and we lazied around the rest of the day. Showered, went to Best Buy, picked up food at Antojitos Mexicanos (which I’m regretting right about now), Jorgie and Justin were dropped off, I talked to my kiddos on the phone, watched the season finale of The Walking Dead (could have done with a better ending, darnit!), I talked to Eenan for about 45 minutes, discussing the finale. And he has a test tomorrow so I sent him to bed. And now I’m going to enjoy my final hour of being lazy before starting a new work week. Wish me luck!

Today was one of those typical Mondays: rushing around in the morning to get out and get to work on time, Monday morning meeting, and catching up with weekend gossip. Of course that meant retelling the story of the Ghetto Cat Fight to my nearest and dearest. Sent out email invites for my upcoming event (upcoming as in November; have to prepare months ahead) and by the time we knew it, it was lunch time.

My stomach was feeling weird; I didn’t even have an appetite in the morning and I felt simultaneously queasy and hungry, but I got to meet up with my babe which always makes my day better :). On the drive to Subway we talked about some things. I moped because some things weren’t what I wanted to hear and we somehow ended up in an argument. An argument that made me lose the little appetite I had and caused him to lose it, too. It was just a horrible situation. We gathered our things as the waterworks started (and a lightbulb just went off RIGHTNOW. It’s the week before Mother Nature makes her visit. Now my moods make sense!).

I was so upset I couldn’t make myself go back to work. Not to mention my stomach felt even worse. My hours are still being cut this week at work and I’d asked my boss if I could just take Friday off (which I was taking off anyway because it’s the start of my vacation) and use those hours during that day instead of leaving early/coming in late. But I used 4 of those hours today. I came home and tried to just sleep off my mood and my tummy ache. My babe began texting me and we talked about what happened and then he called and we talked some more until we cleared everything up. I’m so glad. I hate fighting, arguing. We agreed since the beginning that we wouldn’t turn into THAT COUPLE.

Once we made up and were fine, I passed out completely till 5:20 when my babe called that he was on his way home. I was thrilled. It was the perfect day for him to get home early. We snacked on our leftover Subway and then I started actual dinner since the girls and Mom hadn’t eaten. We ate a little bit of that, too (my stomach was still bothering me but I’m fine now, thank GOD) and then we sat in the garage enjoying the surprisingly not-boiling evening while we waited for Mario to drop off the kids. Of course he wouldn’t remind the boys to bring their things (they were even barefoot) so they visited for a while and then they left with him and the girls stayed with us. They watched movies with Mom and had popcorn and shakes and we’ve been in the living room watching TV (I just remembered I have more laundry to do!) and just having a really low-key, normal night. All is right again and I’m so glad!