Stop eating the damn carbs. JUST. STOP! You feel that gurgling in your belly? The indigestion? The discomfort? The BLOAT? It feels like you’re going to POP from how bad you feel right now. Do you LIKE feeling like you’re going to shit yourself if you cough or sneeze? HUH?? Do you?!
And these pants, that used to fit you huge? Well now they don’t fit. Now they make ripping sounds as you’re trying to pull them up over your ass, like just now when you went to pee. It’s lunch time in 20 minutes—and although you’re starving—you don’t even feel like eating because your belly might explode from the bloat. Oh but the concha you Cookie-Monstered this morning as you waited for Bentos to finish peeing outside was GREAT wasn’t it?? And how about the 2 conchas and the other 2 pan dulces you had last night, AFTER the Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger and onion rings from Whataburger???? WITH BUNS!! And then you WONDER why you feel like shit and why you’re breaking out!? And did you remember to take your probiotic? No, of course not. ‘Cause you’re too lazy to walk to the kitchen to get it from the fridge (and your zit cream, too!). Do you enjoy the feeling of not being able to breathe or like puking because you ate so many damn carbs??
Girl. You stress me out.
Quit using your period/PMDD as an excuse to fuck up your diet/way of eating/body. Because that’s exactly what you’re doing: making excuses to self-sabotage. And for WHAT?? To feel like shit?? To change 5 times every morning because you don’t like how your clothes fit? To walk around, moping, because you feel fat and uncomfortable in your clothes?? ‘Cause that’s all you’re doing!! Do you feel good about anything after you binge eat?? NO! You never do!! So quit doing it already!!! Faaakkk!!
Thursday, August 27th is a day that I’ll remember for a good while. First, I had a follow-up appointment for results with my obgyn. I’d gotten a Colposcopy 2 weeks before, because a month ago my results from my 6-month appointment came back abnormal. Once again, I had “low-grade cells”. So once again, like in December, I had a Colposcopy. It’s not fun. Well—any appointment where your hoo-ha is in someone’s face and they’re digging around with cold metal tools isn’t fun. But anyway. They practically turn you upside down to execute this procedure and the “pinch” from the biopsy is less than pleasant. It takes your breath away. But it’s important to do and I try my hardest not to miss these appointments. Thankfully, my results came back negative. My doctor scared the crap out of me when he walked into my room and said, “CONGRATULATIONS!” I’m sitting in an office where most women are pregnant…so hearing that WORD made my heart sink. I immediately say, “Wait, I’m here for results,” and he laughs and says, “Oh! No, I’m SO SORRY! I mean, congrats, everything came back normal!”
So after the scare of my life and setting up another appointment in 6 months, I went on to my primary doc. I had to see my doc so she could determine whether I was going to get another prescription for my antidepressant or be referred to a psychiatrist/psychologist (don’t know which it would be). So I spoke to my doc (after they drew blood, which sucks because for the first time in a while I had coffee with heavy whipping cream instead of fasting and I’m sure my cholesterol is going to be through the roof 😥 !), and after a series of questions and her asking me how I feel I ended up getting a higher dose of medication. It’s something I probably should have done 6 months ago, when my anxiety and depression was at an all-time high due to all the drama, but I’m glad I finally did it. I don’t know if it’s the placebo effect of just knowing I have a higher dose, but I think it’s really making a difference! Usually, around Shark Week, I suffer from PMDD, but this time I have only slightly gotten sad for no reason a couple of times! No crying all day! Finally!!
That day was also my 1 month Keto-versary! One month of FINALLY sticking with it without breaks or losing my mind and going on a 1-2 month sugar binge.
Yes, I had the occasional cheat here and there, but I always started back up immediately. I don’t feel as bloated and although I was hoping to lose way more for my first month, I lost anywhere from 6-9 pounds. I’m not really sure if I started at 149 (that’s what the scale at the doctor had said when I started—and it’s the same scale at home) but by the time I weighed myself at home I was 146. So I’m going with 9, because it makes me feel better 😆 ! So right now, I’m sitting at 140 and in a size 11 (juniors) and 8 (misses) and top in medium-some small.
I was feeling so proud that I decided I was going to start with my 2-mile walks that night, without skipping days, like I used to when Lucia and I would go together (man, I miss her!).
So I changed into my workout clothes, wrapped my belly in my sweat-wrap thing, wrapped my knee in KT Tape, put my knee brace over my tape and pants and I was ready to go. Around 1.5 miles I start feeling a weird, itchy pain on the inside of my thigh above my knee and I feel like maybe I should stop walking. But, like always, I trudged on to hit 2 miles and loosened my brace when I got to my car. I got home, removed my sweat-wrap and knee brace and sat next to Jorge on the sofa and told him about how weird my leg felt. I told him, “I think the friction of the tape and knee brace is what’s bothering me. I’m going to shower.” So I showered and removed some of the tape (it’s expensive, I didn’t want to remove it all!). I dried up and got dressed and I couldn’t stand it—I had to peel off the remaining tape. I did it carefully—very carefully—because you can rip your skin off. I was in shock to see that I was developing little blisters.
This reminded me of the time I got my breast reduction surgery/lift and as soon as I was able to shower my scars became inflamed and turned into blisters, just like this! I’m wondering if this batch of KT Tape had whatever chemical/ingredient that the Steri-Strip tape had that I’m allergic to. (Oh, how I wish I could have sued someone! That was a terrible experience!) This had never happened to me with KT Tape in the last 3 years of using it!
Needless to say, my leg was extremely sore and any stretching (I kept forgetting and trying to sit with my legs crossed) caused immense pain. So I didn’t continue with my 2 mile walks. Ugh.
I had told Jorge early Saturday that I would like to go on a date. He said he would be tired getting out of work, but how about we go for a day at the beach on Sunday? I was excited! I’d been wanting to go to the beach for a while to get some sun and just enjoy a drink and a book while feeling the breeze and having the ocean as my soundtrack. Plus, maybe spending some time alone together at the beach would rekindle our rocky-since-March-marriage? Didn’t hurt to try.
The plan was: I would accompany him to work and then we’d head to the Island. Of course we would wake up late and then we were rushing. Still, he was in an ok mood. He completed his to-do list at work while I read my book and then we took off. We had to stop at Walmart since we needed a canopy and chairs and Jorge needed some flip flops. We got done, found a restaurant to eat (because we’d both skipped breakfast) and he was already very close to hangry. Still, I tried to be gracious and calm. Luckily the appetizer and our drinks came.
I felt like the flavor of my Piña Colada was off. But I drank it anyway. (Yes, I was already having a cheat meal.) I had the Almondy, which I’m sure was coated in flour and my sauce definitely had flour. Plus it came with potatoes, but I only ate a few.
We finish lunch and drive around looking for a beach access. We figure easiest thing to do would be to have drinks at Clayton’s and access the beach from there. We get off the car and get our things together to go change. We’re walking through CROWDS of people, many of them not wearing masks. Ugh. Jorge’s anxiety is going through the roof and he says he doesn’t want to be at Covid-Central. I tell him, “Let me just change into my bathing suit and we’ll go somewhere else.” It was boiling in that bathroom stall. I came out drenched to find Jorge even angrier. He said, “We didn’t get the damn flip flops.” Oops. I knew we forgot something…
So we go back to the car and think of what to do next. I tell him we don’t *have* to go to the beach, besides, just changing into my bathing suit gave me a headache (no, really). He says, “We’re already here, may as well.” And then we both pass out for like 15 minutes in the AC. When we wake up, I have a pounding headache. We groggily look around and realize the empty parking spaces are completely full. We got out of there quick. All the County accesses were still closed. People were even going to the “end” of the strip where the dunes are, and were immediately turned back by police. We ended up at a City beach access, where it “only” took about 30 minutes to find a parking space.
Canopies aren’t allowed at the City beach, so we only take our chairs and cooler with drinks. We find a spot, and finally! Bliss.
I definitely didn’t feel as cute as I did in 2017-2018 when I had lost all that weight, but I still hiked up my cover-up to tan my legs 🙂 . I read some, then we went out to the water for a bit (it was SO NICE). I had 2 drinks, and around 3/4 of the way through the second one I started feeling really tired and almost nauseous. Jorge drank the rest of it. I told Jorge I was ready to go, so we gathered our things and made our way to the car. I easily changed into my going-home clothes and Jorge was quickly getting annoyed again because people kept passing by his window when he was trying to change. I tried being playful when he was halfway through changing his trunks and I made an “oooh” sound and he snapped, “I’m not in the mood, stop.”. So that annoyed me and I ignored him after that.
As we’re driving down the main strip he asks what I want to do. I said, “Go home,” and continue reading my book. He asked if I wanted to get Pineapple Ninjas after all, and I didn’t really feel hungry so I told him, “Well, maybe a drink. I want one of those pineapple drinks.” (I know that I shouldn’t, because of the sugar…) He drives there quietly and I ask if I have to get down—I was sweaty, my hair was a mess and I was really starting not to feel good, but I didn’t know how. He scoffs, clearly annoyed, so I say, ok, fine, I’ll get down. Then he says I don’t have to 🙄 but I’m already exiting the vehicle. I don’t know why I thought the drink had rum in it, but obviously it didn’t, so when I tell Jorge I don’t want one after all he glares at me and says, out loud, in front of everyone, that I’m wasting his fucking time. And storms off to the car. I’m embarrassed and rush off behind him. We get into a yelling match and by then my head feels like it’ll explode. He drives to Los Fresnos and parks in the parking lot of a Stripes and asks if I want something to drink. I dryly say no. He gets down to smoke and then we head home. Silently.
He asks what I want to do for dinner when we get closer to McAllen. I tell him I’m not hungry (not because I was having a fit, but because I really wasn’t, even though the last time we ate was at noon). I remember this and tell him, “Well, maybe Kumori”. He said, “I was thinking the same thing.” So that’s what I order: the family pack and my usual salmon salad with avocado and a sliced jalapeño firecracker. We get the food and head home. We unload the car and I take my stuff to my bedroom and I get really dizzy. I can’t stand my head, so I take 2 Ibuprofen. I change and go back to the living room, where everyone has started eating. I LOVE how Kumori smells—love it. But smelling the food sent me straight back to my bedroom. I lay down and almost cry from the intense pain in my head. And then it happens: the pre-puking heart racing and gagging. Anyone who knows me, knows that I have a fear of vomiting (emetophboia). But I felt SO BAD that I was almost relieved to run to the bathroom, where I began to vomit for what seemed like forever. I had a 30 minute break and then started all over again. It was the worst. Smirnoff Ice Margaritas and fish don’t taste very good coming back up. So disgusting.
My head was still hurting but it wasn’t the blinding pain it was before. I continued to feel nauseous so I called in to work. I was terrified to eat so I drank chicken broth with sea salt for 2 days and drank Powerade Zero and Gatorade Zero like my life depended on it. And to top it off, I couldn’t tell if the stomach cramps were from the heat exhaustion or whatever it was, or period cramps–cause of course I would start 🙄 .
I ate pretzels because I wasn’t sure what else to eat that was Keto. All these years and I still don’t know how to transition to solids after a stomach illness.
But I did get right back to Keto as soon as I felt better!
But then I went to happy hour with Martha:
And then finally got to go over to Mel’s to catch up. Emmos and Alaethia slept over. We had such a great time, the food was great and the girls even tried teaching us the WAP dance 😆 . Honestly, it’s an amazing workout bahahaha.
Oh, and I finally got new glasses.
Keeping my fingers crossed that this next week continues to be good to me.
I feel a lot better than I did my previous post. I’m almost embarrassed that I puked my heart and soul into that post and almost deleted it, but as they say: better out than in!
Anyway. I’ve focused a lot of my energy since then into things that I do have control over now, at the moment: the kids, of course, and Jorge take priority, but I’ve also started really watching what I’m eating and SOMEWHAT started exercising again. I even used some of the birthday/Mother’s Day money mom gave me to buy some cute work-out tees! (In typical Mom fashion, the rest was put towards bills 🙄 !)
These were on clearance at Walmart, for $3.00 and $3.15! Too bad I couldn’t get any good deals on work out pants! THAT’S what I really need! 😕 I have lots of size 0-2, but it’s been a while since those fit comfortably! 😆
So I started on the Keto diet again on April 30, 2017. The last time I did this “diet” was in 2013 and I lost about 12-13 lbs. and looked much better than I had in a while at the time. It was before I had my breast reduction, of course, but being on Keto was the only time I EVER in my life went down a bra size. Even when I was religiously doing P90X daily and Taekwondo 3x a week in 2010, I didn’t loose boobage. In 2013, on Keto, I went from DD to D. I was shocked! 😆
The girls started selling Girl Scout cookies early 2014…and I DID NOT ease back into eating carbs–I literally shoveled a box of cookies a day 😳 . So naturally, I gained weight AND when I went for my routine check-up on February 7, 2014, I stupidly got my labs done at 3pm…right after consuming 4 Thin Mints. Of course my cholesterol came back off the charts (394, something like that??) and I was put on a Statin STAT because of my family’s medical history. They sat me down and I got a stern talking-to about what to eat and what not to eat. I was pretty bummed.
So I’m going into this venture once again, but wary and aware of the risks. I’m still trying to figure out how much a lipid panel (to check my cholesterol levels) would be, since I already got my routine check-up done and my levels were slightly elevated then. I don’t want to end up having a stroke or heart attack for the sake of vanity!
Speaking of, other reasons I’m getting back on the Keto train–besides obviously losing weight–is 1) Jorge got back on it a few weeks ago and it’s much easier for me to come up with dinners when I’m cooking for both of us (because, let’s face it: sometimes I have to make an extra meal for my picky girls 🙄 ). A third meal would be ridiculous!
2) Since getting off birth control in February-ish of this year (had gotten on it again around August 2016 to help regulate my monthly visitor), my acne has been out of control, mainly on the chin area, which reflects hormones out of whack and/or stress (and I have a bad habit of touching my face, so I’m sure that doesn’t help!). So I’m hoping steering clear of sugar and carbs will help. I’ve been reading articles on Dietdoctor.com, and a piece on acne states:
…modern studies show a probable connection between high-glycemic (high-carb) diets and acne.This may be caused by the effect on growth hormones like insulin and IGF.
To improve acne, your best bet is a fairly strict low-carb diet – ideally one that is also low in dairy products.
I’m willing to try anything to clear this embarrassing problem. The only thing that makes me nervous about Keto is the amount of cheese you could possibly eat–and I’m lactose intolerant (and also, the cholesterol!)! I think being lactose intolerant is another sign my body’s giving me to lay off the sugar and give my face a break, so I’m going to try to use as little as possible, as much as I love it 🙁 .
I’m actually much more excited about cooking than I had been in a long time. Here are a few meals I’ve made:
We’ve cut our eating out a LOT, but when we have it’s been easy to make substitutions:
I’ve also lost 3 lbs.! Just weighed in this morning and it’s the little boost of motivation I needed to keep going. Now, if I could just find the time to do P90X again! Or at least the 40 minutes I need to get to the park to run! Emily has her GT Project due and we need to finish it TODAY.
[edited to add:] Emily finished her project at school and all I had to help her with was flash cards for questions and finding her prizes to give her classmates as she quizzes them, so we got to go walking/running![/edit]
Changing gears: my poor Gramma hasn’t been doing too well 🙁 . She was in the hospital on Sunday due to possible signs of suffering a mini-stroke. Ugh. Long story. Let’s just say I had to BITCH and threaten a lawsuit in order to get those idiots at the nursing home to move their asses and get her to the hospital! She may have Bells Palsy, which they will correct with medication but only to a certain extent 🙁 . Mom and I waited in the lobby while Aunt Nora stayed with Gramma and we got hungry, so we went to the gift shop. There was a beautiful, almost heavenly glow coming from the snack area. There were muffins, and cookies, and chips, oh my!! It took all my willpower to only purchase these:
I shared the almonds and pickle with Mom and I was proud of myself for sticking with it. Mom, on the other hand, got Fritos -_-.
Gramma is doing as well as possible. I feel so bad that she’s in any discomfort.
I’ve been posting less on my regular social media and focusing a lot of attention on my food and health Instagram account. If you’d like to see meal ideas or just what I’m up to, the link is: @yaya_goes_keto (formerly, @yayastartsover). I’ve documented most of my ups/downs/tries/fails . When I started up again in June 2016 after all the complications I had with the breast reduction from February 2016-June 2016, I was tracking on MyFitnessPal and working out (P90X). I went from 123 lbs. to 119 lbs., but that was quickly short-lived thanks to the last complication I had, and then I’m pretty sure I had some weird trauma/mental block that was keeping me from working out since it seemed like every time I got into a routine, I ended up at the doctor’s office again. But I hope I’m successful this time and can keep up with my “diet” (or Way of Eating) and workouts, even though I know I won’t be able to workout every day. I have to admit, eating this way has been pretty easy so far!