Category: Bitching

Yesterday tested my willpower. There was crap all over the house that I wanted to shove in my face. There was a donut on the stove, which I pinched a piece off of and ate, and then threw the rest in the trash . Mario had a pack of Poptarts…can we say torture? The kids ate Cheeto Puffs. Aaarrgh! But I did okay, better than I would have before.

We went to a get-together last night for Jorge’s birthday. The food of course, was delicious. I tried so hard to serve myself small portions, and I think I succeeded. When Mario went to the store to get the kids some Gatorade, I felt like screaming out, “Bring me a Cherry Coke!”, but I refrained and drank the Evian I had previously asked for. It sucks that we didn’t eat till 10–I really want to stop eating after 8pm because the body doesn’t digest the food properly (or something like that ). But all-in-all, I was good .

Must make it a point to work-out today. I woke up even more sore than yesterday from the ab area, but my arms and shoulders aren’t as sore so I will try my hardest to lift weights today. (Doesn’t help that it’s that time of the month as of this morning either .) I wish Mario were here to spot me, just in case I should choke myself with the bar ROFL. But nah, I’ll start with the bar first, then add the 5lb. weights. Let’s see how it goes. *does sign of the cross*

Breakfast:
• 1 egg over easy (I think that’s what it’s called), with Doritos…I can’t help it…must have Doritos with those kinds of eggs! But I did have less than the serving size.
• water

Lunch:
• Sandwich: 3 slices lean turkey meat (60 cals. total), 2 slices wheat bread, lettuce, tomato, avocado, cheese, mustard (no cals.!), and mayo.
• Water
And I actually forgot to serve myself a few Flamin’ Hot Lays chips! I shocked myself .

Dinner:
• Jalapeño Tuna: tuna, jalapeños, tomato, onion, mayo
• 6 tortilla chips
• Water

Dessert:
• 1 C. chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream

Exercise:
• Bench press – 20 @ 10lbs.
• Lat pull down – 40 @ 25lbs.
• Tredmil – walked for 30 min.

Updated @ 4:39…
Note to self: Never, ever walk on the tredmil with a clock in the room. I felt like it was never going to be over! I swear it was 4:29 for what seemed like an eternity.

I’m sweatin’ like a crack-whore in church (as John says LOL). I haven’t sweat like this since the miles of walking at Disneyworld! But then, while at Disneyworld, I lost 12 lbs. . I wish I had an electric tredmil though…this one puts too much strain on the bottom of my feet .

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I need to figure out where to put all that crap that’s on the weight bench. I need to use it and there’s absolutely no more closet space for all our darn clothes. Well, most of Mario’s darn clothes. I have less than 1/4 of the closet to myself (shouldn’t it be the other way around??).

Mario was supposed to be watching Supersize Me but ended up falling asleep 3 minutes into the movie. Jaylen’s playing with his toys and I’m here bored out of my mind. We have to pick Eenan up at 3 or so…maybe I should take a shower. It’s Jorge’s birthday tonight so we may go over. I *need* to get out of the house!

I was bored and checked out some videos Mario had downloaded. One was of Ashlee Simpson being booed at the Orange Bowl. How incredibly sad. Lip syncing on SNL is going to haunt that girl for the rest of her life. Supposedly all that (SNL, the Orange Bowl) are going to come out in the new season of her show. I’ll try to watch…if I can tolerate her whiny-ness. Searching for news on Ashlee lead me to something on Lindsay Lohan. I KNEW Lindsay Lohan was a crappy singer when I heard her single. Then I saw a clip of her lip syncing and it confirmed her crappiness. At first I thought the video/audio were out of sync, but no, there’s one part where she really, really missed a part. I guess she needed a back up track so she could concentrate on humping the mic stand . I dislike “singers” like her…who have to lip sync even for a tiny performance where they don’t even dance. People pay to see and hear your skanky ass, at least give them what they pay for. Now that, my dear Lindsay, is how “rumahs” get started . Click here to see the video. They enlarged it, but if you download it to your computer it doesn’t look so pixely.

Yeah, so you can tell I’m bored. Gonna take a quick shower.

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I’m so tired. The past few nights I’ve been staying up late again (except for last night) and it’s catching up with me with a vengeance. All day yesterday I refused to nap, and at around 6pm I was falling asleep every time I sat down. I actually got to get in bed early, at 11pm. Well, that’s early for me lately. I just have so much crap to do all the time. Now I’m here falling asleep again. I can’t nap–even though I really want to–or else this cycle will just continue. Blah.

I watched the finale of The Biggest Loser on NBC last night. I feel so inspired–as corny as that may sound–by that show. I was looking through the before and after pics and Kelly, Lisa, and Andrea look so nice and healthy now. I want to look nice and healthy too. I’m hating how weight is becoming a really big issue with me. I’ve always had bad self-esteem, but I think as I get older, it gets worse. I’m not like the people who went on the biggest loser–how most were overweight even as children. In fact, I was always too skinny, with no butt, with huge boobs for my body frame and height and I just felt awkward all the time. Now, I seem to have “filled out” more, but I’ve filled out more than I’d like. I’m not even overweight yet (and God I don’t want to be), but I’m close. I weigh 123 right now (I just weighed myself at Maggie’s on Friday night), and my BMI for my height and weight says I’m close to being overweight. I’m like 2 lbs. away. I’m only 4’11” tall…I should weigh from 95-100lbs. My goal is 105. I just want to get back in shape. But I’d like some support from my family. I’m tired of people rolling their eyes when I say I want to start eating better and exercising. I want support from Mario. Just this morning, after he ate breakfast, he came and sat on the computer. I’d been looking through The Biggest Loser before and after pics and I tell him about Kelly–who had biggish breasts and then lost a lot of weight there. I tell him I want to do that too. If I can lose “breast” without having to be cut up to have a reduction, then better for me. I ask him, since he used to be a fitness buff, what I should do to work-out my chest and he says, “I’ve already told you a thousand times before. I’m not repeating myself.” I tell him, “Well, I obviously forgot, which is why I’m asking you.” He just gets this attitude and I tell him to go screw himself. We’d been watching a movie, Harold and Kumar Go to Whitecastle to be exact, and there’s this scrawny blonde woman with almost non-existant boobs and he was um, aroused. I was greatly offended, for I’m not scrawny, blonde or flat-chested. I’m quite the opposite. I threw that in his face this morning–how he can be turned on by flat-chested skinny blondes (no offense to all you flat-chested skinny blondes out there–you bastards), yet I can’t talk about having a flat chest or highlighting my hair because he gets all defensive and raves about how “I’m beautiful the way I am and I don’t have to change anything”. Um, yeah, SURE. Last time I believe that. And to think I made him lasagna for lunch. That asshole .

I’m tired of feeling unattractive. I’m tired of wondering if my husband is checking out the skinny bitches. (And believe me, there’s plenty of skinny bitches where he works…a lot of the men where Mario works have wives, and a girlfriend they met there on the side.) I won’t let my depression get worse by feeling like shit about myself. I’m going to do this. I’m going to get back in shape. I need to buy rollerblades for myself and the kids. We have a long-ass drive way. It would be so awesome to blade again. I’M GOING TO DO THIS!

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