Category: Yay!

It’s been a while since I last wrote. There have been so many ups and downs, happy and sad times this year—it’s been a whirlwind for sure.

I start my 5th semester of school tomorrow. A 5-week minimester—that’s always fun. I started off with the wrong degree plan, so when I went in to switch it last semester, I essentially “lost” two classes (which are several credits—6? I think) towards my degree plan. So I added another semester to my timeframe, basically. Boo.

I also start my new position at work tomorrow. Waiting for word on that alone was torture. I had so much stress in December (MOVING to an apartment, interviewing, going to training in DC, amongst other things) that I started to lose my hair. Not just a little, either. I’m currently taking medication and having injections every few months to circumvent my hair loss. But I digress! My new position isn’t TOO different from what I already do, but it still makes me nervous. I don’t want to mess up or say the wrong thing. I’m sure once I get more training then I’ll be more comfortable. I recently learned that our trainings will go back to being virtual, which honestly makes me feel more at ease. I WAS going to have a travel buddy but that’s gone out the window and traveling alone makes me SO anxious. At first, since most trainings were going to be in DC/Maryland, I was thinking of putting school on hold because I didn’t want to be overwhelmed, but I think if we stay home and do virtual trainings I could possible stick with school. There’d be no restaurants or sightseeing to be experienced so it works out.

Jaylen graduated from his academy on May 3rd. Proud doesn’t even begin to describe how I feel about my boy! We had a nice time at the Bottomless Lakes in New Mexico and then at Balmorhea State Park. We even got to experience 2 hail storms while we were out there. Jaylen and Angela are all settled into their cute apartment with their kitties. I’m so happy for my baby.

Sally is getting married!! And I’m a maid of honor along with her sister, Tina! Alex proposed on Valentine’s Day, which was so awesome. He did a great job. Her bachelorette is in July so I need to get ready (and save) for that. Have I been able to work out? Of course not. Have I stuck to Keto? Negative.

I’ve also been navigating through these last two weeks feeling really hurt and confused. When I finally put my foot down with a selfish person in my life a few months ago and decided to walk away—they came back with promises and tears to keep me in their life. When these things were being told to me, I had reservations about it because I didn’t believe it. But then things were happening; things were falling into place! I couldn’t believe it! I was thrilled and elated. And then things began to change, things went back to being how they were before. It doesn’t help that my PMDD was in full force this last week which further exacerbated my emotions. I just want to stop feeling sad. I have so much to be grateful and happy for, but I feel so betrayed that it magnifies my sadness. I just need to keep repeating the awful things that were told to me to help me move on. Again. I’m so dumb. I also need to figure out how to calm the fuck down because my anxiety has been AWFUL. I can’t go into my training this week with my head and heart feeling this way.

Anyway. it’s 9:00 am and I’m already feeling overwhelmed. I need to do laundry, clean (especially my restroom. Ruffles is SO much messier in his old age!), visit mom and visit Eenan. He called me feeling sad yesterday when I was feeling sad and I need to see my boy.

Ok. Gotta start this day.

I guess instead of updating weekly or even monthly, I’m going to do a bi-annual update. Or better yet: yearly. 🙄

I’ll probably go back and post a mass photo dump of birthdays, holidays and events–because I hate missing recording those moments here. But I guess a quick recap of the last year will have to suffice for this post.

We spent a lot of time going back and forth between home and San Antonio every other weekend. Well, I did–Jorge was already there, obviously. I’d usually go when we didn’t “have kids” and they were with the “other parents”.

Sometime before the holidays I stopped “Keto-ing” and screwed up my eating habits terribly. I’d go back to attempting to hop back on the low-carb train but it was to no avail–it seemed like my lack of willpower had completely derailed my Keto train and crashed into a firey wreckage. Needless to say, in the last 6 months I’ve packed on about 15-18 of the 20 lbs I’d lost and managed to maintain for 1.5 years while I was doing Keto. So disappointed in myself!

This also means that I’ve gone from running at least 3x a week to doing nothing. Which is pretty bad considering my awesome, super-low-key job is 95% sedentary.

I had attempted a “Run for 30 days” goal for myself in the month of December to counteract the sweets-binging that was happening since Halloween…only to injure myself 8 days into it because I was trying desperately to run an 11-minute mile 🙄 . So there went that.

I knew I needed to keep myself occupied–especially with Jorge away so much–otherwise my thoughts and anxiety would slip away from me and it was over.

So–the brilliant idea I came up with was I’d start school! I had finally ordered the assessment training book I’d need to review to take the mandatory placement exam I’d have to take to start school in the Spring/Fall, and I had my mind set: I was going to do this! Even if it meant graduating with my kids 😆 !

At the end of December, once I had mostly gotten over the sprain from the beginning of the month, I started running right after work and was really happy with my routine:

Drop girls off at school, go to work, eat lunch at work (it helps me focus on low-carbing), change into running clothes at work at 5pm, run, pick up HEB Curbside if I had to (Curbside and HEB Delivery are a GODSEND), get home and shower and make dinner, talk to Jorge on the phone, sleep.

It was a great week. (–Yes. I only got to keep my routine up for 1 week. I’ll get back to that shortly.)

Then comes the new year and I’m finally motivated enough to stick with my plan.

Sandra came over on January 4th to catch up and have cocktails. Jorge had invited Robert over after work for drinks too. As we’re sitting around, Justin calls Jorge about picking him up from his mom’s. Then their mom calls to tell Jorge to pick Justin up. They had just gone with the other parents the previous day, so we found that kind of peculiar. Jorge is going back and forth on texts with Justin and with their mom and finally, Justin decides he’s staying with his mom.

Cut to Saturday night, where Jorge and I are alone and had ordered take-out and were watching “Black Mirror: BANDERSNATCH”…till 2am! We kept “playing” over and over again to achieve the maximum happy ending…until we gave up lol.

We wake up at 9am on Sunday, January 6th to find missed calls from the boys at 5:30am. We panic and start calling and texting frantically until we finally get through to Jorgie and rush over to their mother’s apartment to pick them up. We didn’t know what to expect; all the other times we’d tried to pick the boys up when we “weren’t supposed to have them” there were always cops waiting.

Long story short: Jorgie and Justin have lived with us permanently ever since. Jorge was home for a few weeks and so the transition wasn’t anything drastic–yet. Then came time for Jorge to leave back to work and I needed to figure out driving schedules. When I told them how early we’d have to leave and how late I’d have to pick them up after work I was positive they’d change their mind entirely and say they wanted to go back to their mom’s. But, they didn’t. They were okay with the upcoming routine. I look from them to Jorge after the discussion and I say, “So, that’s it? They’re ours?? They’re gonna live here?” I give them both hugs and Jorgie says, “So I can call you Mom now??” I said, “Dude, I’ve always been your mom.”

(Just to clarify: I have never and won’t ever try to take the place of their biological mother. On the contrary, I’ve encouraged them to reach out to her, even now.)

When a few more weeks passed and they were still with us and I took them to pick up stuff from their mother’s after school, they put their white trash bags full of belongings into the back of car. As I got ready to drive off, realization hits me again and I say, “So this really is for real?” Justin looks over at me and says, “Gee, Yajaira, I thought this was for real.” I explained to him that it had happened before–they would get into it with their mom and stay with us and then she’d want them back. They said, “Nope. Not going back.”

It’s still surreal to me that after all the custody battles and years of trying to “get them”, just *poof*. All of a sudden, they live here.

Needless to say, my trips to San Antonio came to a standstill, since now we had the boys and it would get expensive lol. Instead, Jorge would come home–when then started taking a toll on him and his sleep schedule and work schedule. That, in turn, caused us to be at each other’s throats.

Since Jorge works away most of the week my schedule changed completely. I’d wake up an hour earlier to get the girls and Jorgie and Justin in the car and dropped the boys off by 7:15am (an hour and 45 minutes before they even had to be at school, poor things), then I’d drop the girls off by 7:35 to get to work by 7:55. It was tiring for everyone, but we had to make it work; there was no other way.

Same for the afternoons. I’d get out of work and instead of going to run or to buy groceries I’d go straight to pick the boys up. Again they’d have to wait for me for an hour and a half after they got out of school to be picked up.

We spent a lot of those first 2 months stopping by a place called Snowball Express–buying junkfood and sometimes completely forgoing dinner to have snacks. I wasn’t running or exercising at all. And I felt the difference from one day to the next–no joke!

I’d completely stopped low-carbing, and was much less sticking to the Keto diet. And it showed. Because my acne had ALSO made a comeback. Ugh.

Then, to top it off, my brain was going 100mph, non-stop and I’d begun clamping my jaw again from stress, which resulted in needing to use my mouth guard again. I hadn’t used a mouth guard since I left the Chamber!!

As I’d mentioned in my post from October 9, 2018, (my last “in-real-time post”) I was beginning to come to terms with the fact that my anxiety was taking a toll on my well-being. I had accepted it. But the little breakdowns at work (it’s happened 3 times) for absolutely no reason except that I was probably on my period and incredibly hormonal and someone slightly inconvenienced me–well, that shit needed to NOT HAPPEN.

So, in February, I went to the doctor because they needed to see me in order for me to get a refill on my acne topical medication. I told the doc about my acne problem and since it was a new doctor I’d never visited with before, I gave her some history. She asked about stress and I told her that I seriously didn’t have much to stress about–my job was the most chill job, ever–but it was perhaps all the free time that I had at my job that caused me to cycle thoughts in my head repeatedly. She asked what a day was like for me and I told her about the kids and how I recently became the boys’ primary parent, in essence, and about how I wanted to start school, too. I told her how my husband worked away from home most days–and then IT HAPPENED. I STARTED BAWLING FOR NO REASON. I pointed to my face and choked on a sobby-laugh and told her, “You see what I mean?? It just happens! She said, “What you described in 1 day is way more than one person can/should handle. And then you want to add school, which is great, but we need to get you to get to a good state first.” So, she prescribed anxiety medication–which I was adamant about staying away from for years, but I figured I’d give it a go. What’s the worse that could happen? I chill out? LOL

Cut to 6 months later and although I’m much more carefree about things (sometimes TOO carefree) I still stress out, just toned down about 80%. The one side effect that I’ve had the most trouble with is the 15 pound weight gain I’ve had. It’s depressing. The pill makes you lethargic, which in turn makes you want to sleep. That’s all I wanted to do at first. I had no energy so I became infatuated with Bang drinks (Frose Rose, Rainbow Unicorn, Cotton Candy and Georgia Peach Tea are my faves!) but they heighten my heart rate and anxiety, boo. The lethargy is also the reason I’ve stopped running and working out, plus the kids’ end-of-the-year stuff.

I also recently, FINALLY, had a visit with a dermatologist to get to the bottom of my acne problem. She prescribed a brand new topical medication plus a new pill that I have to take at night with a snack. It’s also a diuretic. AND, I was trying to get back to Keto and was doing really good until she confirmed I needed to lay off the sugar and DAIRY if I want to make an actual, internal difference, not just on the surface. That about killed me. The only thing that was left to bring me joy was cheese and Halo Top/Enlightened ice cream–and now I couldn’t even have that!! Suddenly, my goals of being healthy and happy with a clear complexion weren’t looking too appealing! I seriously wanted to throw in the towel; but decided not to. I’ve just got to focus and get serious about it. It’s just incredibly frustrating that I KNOW what being on Keto does for you and I’m still expecting the same results as last time, which was an 8-lb weight loss in 2 weeks, but I keep sabotaging myself!. And the last time I was finally focused and was eating how I should (starting April 20th till I sabotaged myself after my dermatologist appointment) I had GAINED a pound in over a month!! BUT–I know I’m not being completely consistent because I’ll mess up during the weekend and then I have to start all over. Ugh.

Being an adult is hard.

But it’s also got its silver lining. My kids are becoming more independent! At the end of the school year Jaylen started driving and we’ll send him off for errands. And Justin is driving too now, so he was driving himself and Jorgie to and from school. That was pretty darn badass and a relief that last week of school lol. At least we have a solution to that now, thank goodness!

It’s always fun hanging out with the kids, too. Which is mostly what my evenings and weekends consist of these days. They’re my best little broke friends 😆 and they’re pretty darn awesome.

Also, John is a DAD NOW!! I finally have a baby to love on and buy things for ??. I just wish I could see them all the time ?!!

So there you have it, folks. It is now summer vacation and I must start some kind of worthy routine, which includes school. I need to do this for myself. NEED TO!!!

I didn’t think I’d get to go on a weekend trip with my hubby so soon after he started his new job, but I did! It happened to fall on a weekend the kiddos were with the other parents so it was a last-minute thing for me. I got out of work on Friday and went grocery shopping for Mom so she’d be prepared during the weekend. Right after I got home and unloaded the truck I left to Infusions to meet Gerry for some catching up and gossip 😆 !

Gerry and I shared this beautiful plate. I only ate a little teensy pasta :D.

We finished catching up on each of our goings-on and then I went home. Jorge and I watched a little bit of TV before I–as usual–passed out on the sofa 😆 .

The next day, we got ready calmly and slowly. When we were all packed, we went to Rodeo to grab some food. It was an insane line, as usual, so there was a bit of a wait. We got some seats and our food was finally ready. I ordered Menudo and water–super Keto!

Alaethia saw it on Snapchat as soon as I posted it and she sends me a message that says, “????” LOL I told her they’d join us on the next one.

Unfortunately my menudo was extremely spicy, so I passed it on to the hubs. Even HE said it was spicy so we left it there and he picked me up a taco.

And then my truck got a bath:

And then finally, we were on our way! We laughed and blasted music–I took over the playlist when he had his weird music on repeat. I turned on our Amazon Music and Jordan Davis – Singles You Up came on. He said, “This was me looking at you, baby!” I love this man :D! I can’t believe I hadn’t heard that song!

We had some Keto snacks:

And I took a selfie to commemorate St. Patrick’s Day. I was ready in green!

When we got close to San Antonio I Google-Mapped our destination and then we arrived: for lunch at Wing Stop!

My love had a meeting (the whole reason for the trip) and when he was done we checked in at the hotel. We were seriously lucky to find a room during St. Patrick’s Day weekend!

As we’re unloading our things we notice the Bow Tie Chevy Emblem is missing from my car. We immediately think someone jacked it…but then we remember the lovely car wash. It must have knocked it off! But fear not–Jorge was already on eBay ordering a new one LOL.

We lazied around and watched TV for a while. Then we freshened up to go to the River Walk and get a bite to eat.

There we people EVERYWHERE! There was some Tejano/Conjunto type of event going on and people in lawn chairs with all sorts of clover accessories littered the streets. We finally found a parking lot (that was of course charging for parking!) and were literally across the street from the Hard Rock Cafe. The last time we ate there was in 2013 before “The Cowboy Rides Away” George Strait concert. Darn old man. I’ll never forget how expensive those tickets were because we thought the old geezer was going to retire! I do believe he’s still going strong! But…it was a wonderful concert and we’d had a wonderful weekend!

Anyway, my mind is wandering again. So we walk across, making sure to avoid being pummeled by the beautiful Clydesdales pulling carriages. I’m Ooohing and Awwwing and snapping photos as we pass. We get into the restaurant, which is obviously packed. They send us up a flight of stairs to get to another host and we’re lead to the wrong side, so people are cutting in front of us. My anxiety is already slowly rising. There’s an hour wait. So we head to the bar and BOOM, we find 2 seats!

The background wasn’t the most aesthetic, but it had to do.

This was supposed to be our appetizer!

Needless to say, I was stuffed and packed about half my salmon and sides to go. The bartenders were hilarious and making conversation with us. We had a really good time 🙂 .

My St. Patrick’s Day pins; finally wore them after storing them for 8 years!

When we’re ready, we leave the restaurant and decide to take a stroll through the River Walk.

The only time I’d ever been there before was when we’d eaten at Hard Rock in 2013, but hadn’t really explored. So really, this was my first time exploring the River Walk that I can remember. The water was dyed green for St. Patrick’s Day and there were lots of people around, naturally. We were going to take a ride on one of the boats floating the river, but the line seemed never-ending so Jorge got us a carriage instead!

It was such a beautiful evening; it was fresh and clear. I had a cheesy smile plastered on my face and told Jorge, “I’ve always wanted to go on a carriage ride!” He said, “I know, that’s why I wanted to bring you on one.” People waved as we passed and a girl yelled, “You better propose!” We laughed and Jorge said, “Way ahead of you!”

We were dropped off right in front of our car and had an easy time getting out of the parking lot considering how many people were out and about. We stopped at a gas station for some waters (and a 6-pk. for Jorge lol) and I found these!

Jorge and I split them, and it wasn’t long after that I passed out. I slept so well!

We woke up the next morning and showered, then watched Golden Girls as we packed. We checked out and made our way to La Madeleine, a quaint French cafe. Jorge and his partner had had breakfast there the week before and he said he had to take me because he knew I’d love it. And love it, I did!

Jorge asked if I wanted pastries but I was so full I declined. NEXT TIME FOR SURE. I mean, look at this!

I’d been asking to go to Trader Joe’s to get some Everything But the Bagel Seasoning that so many people on my Keto Instagram swear by, and my babe took me :). I found those AND my favorite One Bars.

(I’ve been obsesssed with that seasoning on my cream cheese eggs ever since!)

Next we drove to the outlets in San Marcos to find Jorge some work boots and meet up with Dinah, Briana, Javi and the kiddos for lunch 😀 .

I had a maximum allowance of 2 stores to visit -_- and ended up buying lotion and tees for the girls from Justice lol. Totally forgot I wanted new shoes!

We went to get Jorge’s boots next and meet up with the family. Briana and I tried on boots and Mia showed me all her cool Riverdale stuff. I kinda got her hooked on it LOL.

We had an awesome lunch at The Outback:

And then it was time to say see you later to the family 😥 . Time goes way too fast!

It was back to co-pilot duties for me on the way home. Jorge is the best and–when I told him I wanted photos of bluebonnets–he stopped at every patch to make it possible. We even found some other scenic areas. I just love that man!!

It was such a great time. I can’t wait to go back!!