Tag: weight

Stop. Eating. Carbs!!

Message to myself:

Stop eating the damn carbs. JUST. STOP! You feel that gurgling in your belly? The indigestion? The discomfort? The BLOAT? It feels like you’re going to POP from how bad you feel right now. Do you LIKE feeling like you’re going to shit yourself if you cough or sneeze? HUH?? Do you?!

And these pants, that used to fit you huge? Well now they don’t fit. Now they make ripping sounds as you’re trying to pull them up over your ass, like just now when you went to pee. It’s lunch time in 20 minutes—and although you’re starving—you don’t even feel like eating because your belly might explode from the bloat. Oh but the concha you Cookie-Monstered this morning as you waited for Bentos to finish peeing outside was GREAT wasn’t it?? And how about the 2 conchas and the other 2 pan dulces you had last night, AFTER the Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger and onion rings from Whataburger???? WITH BUNS!! And then you WONDER why you feel like shit and why you’re breaking out!? And did you remember to take your probiotic? No, of course not. ‘Cause you’re too lazy to walk to the kitchen to get it from the fridge (and your zit cream, too!). Do you enjoy the feeling of not being able to breathe or like puking because you ate so many damn carbs??

Girl. You stress me out.

Quit using your period/PMDD as an excuse to fuck up your diet/way of eating/body. Because that’s exactly what you’re doing: making excuses to self-sabotage. And for WHAT?? To feel like shit?? To change 5 times every morning because you don’t like how your clothes fit? To walk around, moping, because you feel fat and uncomfortable in your clothes?? ‘Cause that’s all you’re doing!! Do you feel good about anything after you binge eat?? NO! You never do!! So quit doing it already!!! Faaakkk!!

Uneasiness and Tangents

Did I even spell that title correctly? Hmm…anyway. I’m all alone with my thoughts; for the past few hours. Jorge is working (yes, this late) and the kids aren’t here this weekend 🙁 but they’d probably be asleep by now anyway if they were. Briana, Mia, Joyce and the kids were here earlier, but they’ve since gone home 🙁 . My dinner ended up being an iced coffee from Starbucks, where I picked up a gift card earlier.

Anyway, we caught up and talked and I learned some annoying shit that’s happened recently, but it’s not my place to say anything about it. And I hate it. Because I want to scream and tell people off and just be a total bitch about these things I have no control over. The anger’s been festering in my gut for the past few hours that I feel nauseous and hungry all at the same time. I was going to get up and make an anger-filled chocolate mug cake, but I felt too lazy to. And then I thought I’d get a Carb Smart ice cream pop thing but that also required getting up from this chair and nah. But I also don’t feel hungry, which is progress for me in hindsight, since I would have devoured an entire box of Carb Smart in the past. Yay me.

I tried finishing my Calaca wreath but wasn’t into it. I started laundry, but haven’t put it in the dryer yet. I started browsing though job postings since I received an e-mail and I have A.D.D. but everything sucks. Started looking for that stupid book I need to study because my brain has forgotten everything it learned all these years (HOW was I valedictorian and salutatorian, HOW??), but I got distracted again and said, “Hmm, I haven’t blogged in a while…” 🙄

Can you believe I feel guilty for feeling angry? That’s what’s wrong with me: I can never just be MAD. I feel guilty and ungrateful for being angry. I had a great day of shopping (that’s what happens when Jorge leaves me alone too long) and not even that helped. Well, it did for a little bit, heh.

I used up coupons left and right and managed to find a black dress at Old Navy for our Annual Banquet. It was comfy and I liked it at the store, but in no way, shape, or form is it “cocktail attire”. Then I saw this other dress online just a while ago, but I’m sure it’s about $75 and I’m NOT paying that for a dress I’ll wear one time.

I also finally found my mustard-colored cardigan. I was really hoping to find one at Goodwill, or eBay, but no luck. So I paid $10 for a legit new one 😆 . Now I need to fix that blouse with the foxes on it that I absolutely had to have a mustard-colored cardigan for. I bought it in medium in March and now it’s huge. I literally wore it once. One of the negatives of dropping 2 sizes 😕 .

Which is why I’m scouring Goodwill and clearance racks for pants. All of my jeans, shorts and work pants are cinched at the waist with safety pins since losing weight, and it looks pretty bad because it clumps under my blouses. I got lucky last month when I found 2 red pants (one brand-new from Old Navy and brand-new Calvin Klein ones, both with tags). This month I found a denim jacket (in extra small, WHAT), 2 dresses (one from Gap with tags) and a cute sweater from Aeropostale. I think I spent $10 or less on all that!

Here’s one of the dresses and the jacket:

(Yes, my cats are indeed enormous!)

I realized today as Mom and I walked to the car from visiting Gramma that my thighs 100% don’t rub when I walk in a dress anymore! That’s a darn non-scale victory in itself! Oh! And I tried on pants at Kohl’s (I had Kohl’s cash, woo!), and I fit into a SIZE. 3. THREE. Tres. I haven’t been size 3 since I was 17!!! And I have a post all about my 5-month Keto experience and progress, but obviously I never finished it, but I seriously weigh the lowest as an adult, EVER. I seriously love Keto, no joke.

Ok. I should go check on the darn laundry. Or pay bills online. Or you know, wash my face, brush my teeth and go to bed? Meh.