You Must Fight to Win, Grasshoppa

I’m in such a shitty mood right now. I don’t even know WHERE to begin. I guess I’ll begin from the beginning.

I woke up with a feeling of foreboding. The boys and my Taekwondo test (yellow-advanced to orange belt) is tomorrow and I just felt so nervous, especially about the sparring part *stomach flips*. I was possibly even more nervous about the fact that my period is about 3 weeks late, give or take, and I’m REALLY praying it doesn’t decide to make an appearance (literally) DURING my test!

I know I can’t be pregnant since I had my tubal (I REALLY hope I’m not. Everyone always cheerfully reminds me, “You COULD be the 1%!”), so since I’m not, what the hell else is going on? The hypochondriac in me starts replaying all those Mystery Diagnosis episodes I’ve ever seen that have anything to do with the uterus.

I had to wake up early because I had an appointment, so I got ready and tried to shake the feeling away. Ate a quick breakfast of milk, homemade Rice Crispies Treat and a banana (I know, gross). Mom came over to watch the girls, Mario left to work and I went to the appointment. Appointment was over and then I went to Walmart for a few things.

I’m driving home and see the Golden Arch up ahead. I felt really down and thought, An iced coffee and some chocolate chip cookies should cheer me up! So there I go to the McDonald’s drive thru. I know better. I’d been eating really well and avoiding junk food (I’m finally at 119 lbs. My goal is 110). BUT. Since I know that Luis (my TKD instructor), John and I and several others are starting P90X this coming Sunday at 12 noon, I’ve been eating everything in sight, weather it’s healthy or not. My logic is, “Ehh, after Sunday I’mma lose all these pounds and calories!”

I get home and John’s already here, paying his bills online. He shakes his head in disappointment when I emerge through the door with my medium coffee and cookies in hand. I tell him how I’ve been stuffing my face like there’s no tomorrow and he bursts out laughing and says, “Me too!”

Spend some time with the girls and I wash dishes while they eat lunch. Then I eat lunch. I could hardly eat, partly because I felt disgusting and gluttonous from my 500 calorie snack (I looked it up) and partly because I felt nauseous and had a headache thinking about my test. I can’t think about it without my heart skipping a beat and my stomach flipping. I know I’ve got the basics and kicks down, and maybe even breaking the boards with no problem, but the SPARRING! Ernesto’s pairing me with 2 14-year-olds, one of which is Luis’ COUSIN and has competed before and fights like a guy! The other’s a white belt, but she’s taller and both are much faster than I am! I know, I know: I should stop being so hard on myself and think positive. But I’ve never actually fought anyone “for real” before! When I “spar” against Ernesto or Luis, they’re teaching me techniques and letting me kick them! I don’t feel prepared at all!

I got Alaethia ready and we picked up the boys from school. Got a summary of their day, helped Eenan with homework and then started getting ready for TKD. I seriously felt like barfing just thinking of going.

I get there and Ernesto’s on time LOL. I start stretching and Esther gets there with her son. (She’s the girl now taking class with me; Norma dropped out around November.) We start jogging, then take turns doing kicks. Then we take turns beating up Bob (the dummy LOL) or kickboxing with Ernesto. Luis arrives as we’re doing that and then Mary, Alaethia and the boys arrive. As we’re getting ready to put on the chest protectors and head gear, two dads show up with their kids. Great! An audience! I hate that >_<. Well we start sparring. I'm actually doing pretty good, getting 2, 3 kicks in and Esther's doing pretty good seeing as how it's her first time. Ernesto separates us, gives us some tips and gets after me for not using any of the techniques he showed me during Saturday's practice. So we start again. I'm blocking, kicking, sliding back, kicking and then I blocked a kick Esther was heading towards me WITH MY FIST! Her knee pushed my wrist into my arm joint. The same wrist that I've had that Ganglion Cyst in for the past 2 years. The same cyst that had JUST popped about 2 weeks ago after doing pushups in class. It popped again and I seriously thought I broke my wrist. I was just going to try and continue, but when I tried to close my first I said, "OW!" and clutched my fist to my chest. Ernesto came over to see what happened. He asked if I could move my fingers and I almost threw up and passed out when I saw my fingers just DANGLING there. I kept trying to make my brain make my fingers move but nothing happened! He started to massage pressure points along my arm and FINALLY, I began to feel my fingers again. It was the worst shooting pain from my finger tips, to my wrist, to my elbow. It was like hitting your funny bone really hard, times 10! I was so embarrassed on top of being in the worst pain in my life. I couldn't believe how stupidly I reacted; why didn't I just slide back and kick instead of trying to block?? I sat in complete agony while the boys were in class. I kept trying to move my fingers and pump my fist, but every little movement I made was awful. The boys' class was finally over and I drove to the ATM to get cash out, since Mary had paid for my test so I wouldn't have to drive so soon after my injury. We get to Aziz and as I slide out of the seat I feel a terrible pain in my knee. I had a HUGE welt! I hadnt even noticed I'd been hit there, or my shin LOL.

Possibly the most colorful awesome bruise I've ever had!

The pain in my wrist overrode everything else. I vaguely remember Esther kicking really low, so I’m sure a few more bruises will show up tomorrow!

Mary made sandwiches for the boys and Mom fed the girls. I had leftover nachos from yesterday, even though I shouldn’t have. But it was the lovely comfort food I needed right now. I can’t wait for Mario to get home. I need to be cuddled.

John made me feel a tad bit better when I was texting him about my ordeal and I tell him, “And that’s because we were just practicing! Imagine tomorrow when I fight a girl 14 years younger than me and a belt more advanced!” He replies, “You must fight to win, grasshoppa!” LMAO! That’s why I love my brudder!

I just hope I feel well enough to test tomorrow! And if I do, I hope I don’t come out injured any worse than I did today! Luis’ cousin, I’m told, mostly kicks to the head!! This type of stuff is what makes me want to just drop out and not continue. I hate sparring! It’s not like I’m ever going to compete. I don’t want to be a quitter, and I don’t want to seem weak, though. One thing’s for sure though: I’m never blocking with my fist at that angle ever again!

(You know, I’m glad I still have you, blog. Even though I neglect you, you’re always there for me when I need you. I feel tons better after getting all this off my chest!)

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