Category: Eenan

It’s been a while since I last wrote. There have been so many ups and downs, happy and sad times this year—it’s been a whirlwind for sure.

I start my 5th semester of school tomorrow. A 5-week minimester—that’s always fun. I started off with the wrong degree plan, so when I went in to switch it last semester, I essentially “lost” two classes (which are several credits—6? I think) towards my degree plan. So I added another semester to my timeframe, basically. Boo.

I also start my new position at work tomorrow. Waiting for word on that alone was torture. I had so much stress in December (MOVING to an apartment, interviewing, going to training in DC, amongst other things) that I started to lose my hair. Not just a little, either. I’m currently taking medication and having injections every few months to circumvent my hair loss. But I digress! My new position isn’t TOO different from what I already do, but it still makes me nervous. I don’t want to mess up or say the wrong thing. I’m sure once I get more training then I’ll be more comfortable. I recently learned that our trainings will go back to being virtual, which honestly makes me feel more at ease. I WAS going to have a travel buddy but that’s gone out the window and traveling alone makes me SO anxious. At first, since most trainings were going to be in DC/Maryland, I was thinking of putting school on hold because I didn’t want to be overwhelmed, but I think if we stay home and do virtual trainings I could possible stick with school. There’d be no restaurants or sightseeing to be experienced so it works out.

Jaylen graduated from his academy on May 3rd. Proud doesn’t even begin to describe how I feel about my boy! We had a nice time at the Bottomless Lakes in New Mexico and then at Balmorhea State Park. We even got to experience 2 hail storms while we were out there. Jaylen and Angela are all settled into their cute apartment with their kitties. I’m so happy for my baby.

Sally is getting married!! And I’m a maid of honor along with her sister, Tina! Alex proposed on Valentine’s Day, which was so awesome. He did a great job. Her bachelorette is in July so I need to get ready (and save) for that. Have I been able to work out? Of course not. Have I stuck to Keto? Negative.

I’ve also been navigating through these last two weeks feeling really hurt and confused. When I finally put my foot down with a selfish person in my life a few months ago and decided to walk away—they came back with promises and tears to keep me in their life. When these things were being told to me, I had reservations about it because I didn’t believe it. But then things were happening; things were falling into place! I couldn’t believe it! I was thrilled and elated. And then things began to change, things went back to being how they were before. It doesn’t help that my PMDD was in full force this last week which further exacerbated my emotions. I just want to stop feeling sad. I have so much to be grateful and happy for, but I feel so betrayed that it magnifies my sadness. I just need to keep repeating the awful things that were told to me to help me move on. Again. I’m so dumb. I also need to figure out how to calm the fuck down because my anxiety has been AWFUL. I can’t go into my training this week with my head and heart feeling this way.

Anyway. it’s 9:00 am and I’m already feeling overwhelmed. I need to do laundry, clean (especially my restroom. Ruffles is SO much messier in his old age!), visit mom and visit Eenan. He called me feeling sad yesterday when I was feeling sad and I need to see my boy.

Ok. Gotta start this day.

I’ve honestly been tip-toe-ing (literally) this entire month leading up to October 27th, which is when I broke my stupid ankle in 6 places last year. I’m attributing that to PTSD and just having bad luck for the past couple of years. But my anniversary came and went. I haven’t broken anything else, thank God. But these days I only wear flats and am constantly looking at the ground when I’m walking. I’m telling you–PTSD.

But I managed to lose 30 lbs. since March, thanks to sticking to Keto.

Although I’m still not working out, I feel better about myself these days and I was able to go from pre-diabetic during my July 2021 labs (6.3 A1C) to 5.3 A1C this past August 2022. My goal is to further lower that number. I’ve recently been denied physical therapy (ever since the staff changed, things just aren’t the same. I miss Lynnette!), so I need to start using my treadmill and stationary bike.

As for my mental health: my new meds seem to be doing better for my depression and anxiety (but that could also be because things seem to be falling into place for me lately). I’m no longer experiencing those weird brain zaps or leg twitches and I haven’t gained weight, thank goodness.

I’m also hoping to make more changes to get further in my career with the government, so that’s kind of what I’m focused on right now. Work has been great, even though Julianna promoted to a supervisory position in Laredo and she’s leaving 😥 .

And speaking of: Eenan is now working and Jaylen just switched jobs/careers. I’m so proud of them!

And the girls: well, they’re too busy being teenagers with social lives but they are both doing great in school so I’m fine with driving them around. Sometimes LOL.

Seeing my friends lately has been a challenge. Everyone’s busy or have things going on in their own lives. But I finally got to catch up with Sally this past Friday. It was nice and she’s always a wonderful hostess.

It’s Sunday and I have errands to run and stuff to study so this will be all for now. I’m only blogging because I reformatted my hard drive yesterday and wiped it clean and it’s actually working! On to my next cup of coffee 8) .

I’d been meaning to write for a few days now, but since my Desktop computer is still ridiculously slow, and I can’t seem to remember my password for WordPress, and I’m using my iPad as a laptop but my keyboard died (I literally hadn’t charged it in like, 3 years), and I couldn’t find one of those old-connection chargers—I didn’t update. (Wasn’t THAT just the longest run-on sentence in the world?)

Anyway. I had my follow-up appointment with my ortho last Wednesday and of course it took 4 hours. Linda is a saint for sitting with me that long, but thank God she does ‘cause she makes it fun. So when we’ve almost been sitting there for 4 hours and the doc finally comes in to talk to me, he already seems annoyed. He says, “You were supposed to come in 2 weeks ago, what happened?” I said, “Oh, I had to call and cancel my appointment because I had Covid.” And he snaps, “Well, I didn’t know that.” You would think the woman I spoke to would have made a note or something about why I rescheduled. 🙄

He goes on and says I should already be out of the boot. I’m shocked and mumble, “But I’ve been using it for the 2 weeks and I just started putting weight on it. I can stand, but I can’t walk on it at all.” He closes his eyes and says, “Well you need to lose the crutches.” My mouth drops open and I ask when I’m starting physical therapy. He says he’ll get his Worker’s Comp girl to give me information and that I’ll be attending 3 times a week. So to further annoy the man, I ask if I can go to my old physical therapy place because well, it kinda takes a really long time here for follow-ups, and how long would it take at their therapy? He says about an hour or 2 (bullshit) and that he’s in charge of my surgery and after-care so I would be attending physical therapy at their office. 😡

I’ve been putting weight on my foot more and more and have been “walking”…with my crutches. There is NO WAY that I can make my brain communicate with my foot and leg and move it forward. And when I do, I feel like I’m going to collapse from the shocking pain I feel in my heel and the right side of my ankle, where the scar is.

I should be starting physical therapy tomorrow—with my old therapy place. I asked around and I can choose where I want to go so *hmph*. I have to admit though, I’m terrified of what exercises I’m going to have to do. Last time was just sprains and strains. This time I actually broke something and have metal in my leg and need to learn to walk all over again 🙁 .

And speaking of learning again—I’ll have to force myself to eventually learn to date again because Jorge and I are completely DUNZO. Not even sure if I ever mentioned that we were trying to “work things out” again but that was a total flop. I think the holidays made us lonely and nostalgic and it was convenient to spend the holidays together with the kids and our families. But spending a week together just showed me we really don’t belong together. Even for Alaethia’s birthday last week: he was just in such a rotten mood and told me the ugliest things. The one that stuck with me the most and I keep repeating in my head when he randomly texts and starts being “nice” is, “I never should have married you” and other horrible things he said about why we got married. So I was a bitch and talked shit back. Of course before the night was over he texted to say he made a fool of himself and he was sorry but he couldn’t stop himself 🙄 . But it was fine. It needed to happen. I don’t want to waste anymore time being unhappy or on edge. For now, I’m concentrating on the kids, work and just living day by day.

Eenan and Alaethia tested positive for Covid on Friday. Mary picked us all up and we went to get PCR tests done. I was supposed to go out on Friday night but decided I should probably quarantine. Again. We get our results on Wednesday. They called us today and scared the shit out of us saying that all 4 of us were positive. I was freaking out; my hypochondria was acting up and making me feel like I was having heart palpitations and trouble breathing, but I’m sure it was a mild panic attack LOL. They called back to tell us it was a mistake—we were negative on the rapid tests. Jesus Christ.

Anyway. It’s almost midnight and I have to work in the morning so I shall go to sleep.