Category: Photos

Thursday, August 27th is a day that I’ll remember for a good while. First, I had a follow-up appointment for results with my obgyn. I’d gotten a Colposcopy 2 weeks before, because a month ago my results from my 6-month appointment came back abnormal. Once again, I had “low-grade cells”. So once again, like in December, I had a Colposcopy. It’s not fun. Well—any appointment where your hoo-ha is in someone’s face and they’re digging around with cold metal tools isn’t fun. But anyway. They practically turn you upside down to execute this procedure and the “pinch” from the biopsy is less than pleasant. It takes your breath away. But it’s important to do and I try my hardest not to miss these appointments. Thankfully, my results came back negative. My doctor scared the crap out of me when he walked into my room and said, “CONGRATULATIONS!” I’m sitting in an office where most women are pregnant…so hearing that WORD made my heart sink. I immediately say, “Wait, I’m here for results,” and he laughs and says, “Oh! No, I’m SO SORRY! I mean, congrats, everything came back normal!”

Sweet. Jesus.

So after the scare of my life and setting up another appointment in 6 months, I went on to my primary doc. I had to see my doc so she could determine whether I was going to get another prescription for my antidepressant or be referred to a psychiatrist/psychologist (don’t know which it would be). So I spoke to my doc (after they drew blood, which sucks because for the first time in a while I had coffee with heavy whipping cream instead of fasting and I’m sure my cholesterol is going to be through the roof 😥 !), and after a series of questions and her asking me how I feel I ended up getting a higher dose of medication. It’s something I probably should have done 6 months ago, when my anxiety and depression was at an all-time high due to all the drama, but I’m glad I finally did it. I don’t know if it’s the placebo effect of just knowing I have a higher dose, but I think it’s really making a difference! Usually, around Shark Week, I suffer from PMDD, but this time I have only slightly gotten sad for no reason a couple of times! No crying all day! Finally!!

That day was also my 1 month Keto-versary! One month of FINALLY sticking with it without breaks or losing my mind and going on a 1-2 month sugar binge.

Yes, I had the occasional cheat here and there, but I always started back up immediately. I don’t feel as bloated and although I was hoping to lose way more for my first month, I lost anywhere from 6-9 pounds. I’m not really sure if I started at 149 (that’s what the scale at the doctor had said when I started—and it’s the same scale at home) but by the time I weighed myself at home I was 146. So I’m going with 9, because it makes me feel better 😆 ! So right now, I’m sitting at 140 and in a size 11 (juniors) and 8 (misses) and top in medium-some small.

I was feeling so proud that I decided I was going to start with my 2-mile walks that night, without skipping days, like I used to when Lucia and I would go together (man, I miss her!).

So I changed into my workout clothes, wrapped my belly in my sweat-wrap thing, wrapped my knee in KT Tape, put my knee brace over my tape and pants and I was ready to go. Around 1.5 miles I start feeling a weird, itchy pain on the inside of my thigh above my knee and I feel like maybe I should stop walking. But, like always, I trudged on to hit 2 miles and loosened my brace when I got to my car. I got home, removed my sweat-wrap and knee brace and sat next to Jorge on the sofa and told him about how weird my leg felt. I told him, “I think the friction of the tape and knee brace is what’s bothering me. I’m going to shower.” So I showered and removed some of the tape (it’s expensive, I didn’t want to remove it all!). I dried up and got dressed and I couldn’t stand it—I had to peel off the remaining tape. I did it carefully—very carefully—because you can rip your skin off. I was in shock to see that I was developing little blisters.

This reminded me of the time I got my breast reduction surgery/lift and as soon as I was able to shower my scars became inflamed and turned into blisters, just like this! I’m wondering if this batch of KT Tape had whatever chemical/ingredient that the Steri-Strip tape had that I’m allergic to. (Oh, how I wish I could have sued someone! That was a terrible experience!) This had never happened to me with KT Tape in the last 3 years of using it!

Needless to say, my leg was extremely sore and any stretching (I kept forgetting and trying to sit with my legs crossed) caused immense pain. So I didn’t continue with my 2 mile walks. Ugh.

I had told Jorge early Saturday that I would like to go on a date. He said he would be tired getting out of work, but how about we go for a day at the beach on Sunday? I was excited! I’d been wanting to go to the beach for a while to get some sun and just enjoy a drink and a book while feeling the breeze and having the ocean as my soundtrack. Plus, maybe spending some time alone together at the beach would rekindle our rocky-since-March-marriage? Didn’t hurt to try.

The plan was: I would accompany him to work and then we’d head to the Island. Of course we would wake up late and then we were rushing. Still, he was in an ok mood. He completed his to-do list at work while I read my book and then we took off. We had to stop at Walmart since we needed a canopy and chairs and Jorge needed some flip flops. We got done, found a restaurant to eat (because we’d both skipped breakfast) and he was already very close to hangry. Still, I tried to be gracious and calm. Luckily the appetizer and our drinks came.

I felt like the flavor of my Piña Colada was off. But I drank it anyway. (Yes, I was already having a cheat meal.) I had the Almondy, which I’m sure was coated in flour and my sauce definitely had flour. Plus it came with potatoes, but I only ate a few.

We finish lunch and drive around looking for a beach access. We figure easiest thing to do would be to have drinks at Clayton’s and access the beach from there. We get off the car and get our things together to go change. We’re walking through CROWDS of people, many of them not wearing masks. Ugh. Jorge’s anxiety is going through the roof and he says he doesn’t want to be at Covid-Central. I tell him, “Let me just change into my bathing suit and we’ll go somewhere else.” It was boiling in that bathroom stall. I came out drenched to find Jorge even angrier. He said, “We didn’t get the damn flip flops.” Oops. I knew we forgot something…

So we go back to the car and think of what to do next. I tell him we don’t *have* to go to the beach, besides, just changing into my bathing suit gave me a headache (no, really).  He says, “We’re already here, may as well.” And then we both pass out for like 15 minutes in the AC. When we wake up, I have a pounding headache. We groggily look around and realize the empty parking spaces are completely full. We got out of there quick. All the County accesses were still closed. People were even going to the “end” of the strip where the dunes are, and were immediately turned back by police. We ended up at a City beach access, where it “only” took about 30 minutes to find a parking space.

Canopies aren’t allowed at the City beach, so we only take our chairs and cooler with drinks. We find a spot, and finally! Bliss.

I definitely didn’t feel as cute as I did in 2017-2018 when I had lost all that weight, but I still hiked up my cover-up to tan my legs 🙂 . I read some, then we went out to the water for a bit (it was SO NICE). I had 2 drinks, and around 3/4 of the way through the second one I started feeling really tired and almost nauseous. Jorge drank the rest of it. I told Jorge I was ready to go, so we gathered our things and made our way to the car. I easily changed into my going-home clothes and Jorge was quickly getting annoyed again because people kept passing by his window when he was trying to change. I tried being playful when he was halfway through changing his trunks and I made an “oooh” sound and he snapped, “I’m not in the mood, stop.”. So that annoyed me and I ignored him after that.

As we’re driving down the main strip he asks what I want to do. I said, “Go home,” and continue reading my book. He asked if I wanted to get Pineapple Ninjas after all, and I didn’t really feel hungry so I told him, “Well, maybe a drink. I want one of those pineapple drinks.” (I know that I shouldn’t, because of the sugar…) He drives there quietly and I ask if I have to get down—I was sweaty, my hair was a mess and I was really starting not to feel good, but I didn’t know how. He scoffs, clearly annoyed, so I say, ok, fine, I’ll get down. Then he says I don’t have to 🙄 but I’m already exiting the vehicle. I don’t know why I thought the drink had rum in it, but obviously it didn’t, so when I tell Jorge I don’t want one after all he glares at me and says, out loud, in front of everyone, that I’m wasting his fucking time. And storms off to the car. I’m embarrassed and rush off behind him. We get into a yelling match and by then my head feels like it’ll explode. He drives to Los Fresnos and parks in the parking lot of a Stripes and asks if I want something to drink. I dryly say no. He gets down to smoke and then we head home. Silently.

He asks what I want to do for dinner when we get closer to McAllen. I tell him I’m not hungry (not because I was having a fit, but because I really wasn’t, even though the last time we ate was at noon). I remember this and tell him, “Well, maybe Kumori”. He said, “I was thinking the same thing.” So that’s what I order: the family pack and my usual salmon salad with avocado and a sliced jalapeño firecracker. We get the food and head home. We unload the car and I take my stuff to my bedroom and I get really dizzy. I can’t stand my head, so I take 2 Ibuprofen. I change and go back to the living room, where everyone has started eating. I LOVE how Kumori smells—love it. But smelling the food sent me straight back to my bedroom. I lay down and almost cry from the intense pain in my head. And then it happens: the pre-puking heart racing and gagging. Anyone who knows me, knows that I have a fear of vomiting (emetophboia). But I felt SO BAD that I was almost relieved to run to the bathroom, where I began to vomit for what seemed like forever. I had a 30 minute break and then started all over again. It was the worst. Smirnoff Ice Margaritas and fish don’t taste very good coming back up. So disgusting.

My head was still hurting but it wasn’t the blinding pain it was before. I continued to feel nauseous so I called in to work. I was terrified to eat so I drank chicken broth with sea salt for 2 days and drank Powerade Zero and Gatorade Zero like my life depended on it. And to top it off, I couldn’t tell if the stomach cramps were from the heat exhaustion or whatever it was, or period cramps–cause of course I would start 🙄 .

I ate pretzels because I wasn’t sure what else to eat that was Keto. All these years and I still don’t know how to transition to solids after a stomach illness.

But I did get right back to Keto as soon as I felt better!

But then I went to happy hour with Martha:

And then finally got to go over to Mel’s to catch up. Emmos and Alaethia slept over. We had such a great time, the food was great and the girls even tried teaching us the WAP dance 😆 . Honestly, it’s an amazing workout bahahaha.

Oh, and I finally got new glasses.

Keeping my fingers crossed that this next week continues to be good to me.

I’m currently quarantining at home with the kids. Not to worry–they’re 100% OK. Well, most of them. Jaylen and I are the ones who had secondary contact with people so we got tests done last Wednesday. I had a sore throat and cough and my stomach wasn’t feeling good, but I didn’t have fever at all.

It was a rather annoying morning, really, trying to get tested. We decided to go to the Urgent Care on Savannah, where Jorge had gotten his test done in April, and we arrived on time and everything. As soon as the office opened I began calling, only to be put on hold. The longest I was on hold was 9 minutes. I almost blew a gasket so I told Jaylen to wait in the car while I told people off. I walk into the lobby and it’s already packed–as packed as you can get while social distancing 6 feet. I tell the nurse that I’d been trying to call but they kept putting me on hold. She said, “Oh I’m sorry, there’s a waiting list.” I said, “Um, OK…how will I get on the waiting list if you never take my call?” She said, “Oh no, ma’am. I mean, there’s a waiting list. There are 500 people in front of you.” I couldn’t believe it.

So Jaylen and I went to the free testing site closest to our house. My boss had sent me a flyer and it was a city away. We’re driving to the site and see a super long line. That went on for about 2 miles. There *had* to be at least 300-400 people waiting in line, too. We said screw it, we’d take our chances and go to our doc’s office.

He explained about the finger-prick blood test and how they’re not accurate (later that day I found several articles about that online). He was almost hesitant about administering the tests and gave us a good explanation about them and how the results wouldn’t be here for another 5-7 days. We said fine, we needed them for work anyway. Laura lets us know it will be painful but she’ll be as gentle as possible. I thought This can’t be any worse than the flu test that tickles your brain. But I was wrong.

So wrong.

As the swab made its way into my left nostril I felt as though I’d gotten some type of acid-water in my nose, then felt immense pressure behind my left eye and then had an excruciating pain in my left temple. My eye immediately started crying like crazy. It was a pain I’d never experienced before in my life!

I was in pain the rest of the day (headache and even my ears started bothering me) and then I felt so exhausted I passed out for a few hours. I spoke to Laura on the phone and she said it would be 7-10 days for the results, not 5-7. Geez.

So I’ve been home with the kiddos. Organizing, cleaning here and there, spending time with the animals and kiddos, watching 90 Day Fiance and reading.

These are all my half-finished books but I’m currently finishing up “Everelle’s Quest” by Roda (Hilenski Grubb)! Promised her I would finish it this time! I really don’t know how people can complain about being holed up at home–I really love it.

. Plus not having to bother with makeup or getting dressed is so nice! (Don’t get me wrong, I do miss feeling girly some days!)

The only thing that sucks is not being able to see mom. But I speak to her almost every day. I wish we could get her to use a smart phone so we could video chat with her. Maybe I’ll bother John on his phone so we can “see” her.

We had a low-key 4th of July. Not going to lie: that day, I was feeling a little melancholy. It would have been Gramma’s 91st birthday. I still wish I could see her 🙁 .

Eenan stayed at his dad’s so we didn’t get to spend time with him, but I did speak to him on the phone. I know he’s 20-years-old and he’s doing his own thing, but I miss my boy LOL. The rest of the kiddos were here but not everyone was in the mood for Independence Day. Jorgie brought Jenn over but it was way too early and then she couldn’t end up staying. We weren’t doing our BBQ or festivities till night time. One of the positive things that happened was that I woke up and Alaethia had cleaned up the whole house and done dishes…BUT because she wanted to spend time with Yezleen. That girl DOES NOT understand self-isolation or social distancing 🙄 . But she does love her friends and I love them and their momma’s so I’m ok with it.

Thankfully Jaylen and Emily went to purchase the fireworks and stuff for bacon-wrapped hot dogs. Jorge was out of work early and when I told him about BBQ’ing he said, “It’s hot AF outside” so that was that :roll:. I made them in the oven instead. When it got dark Jaylen set up the fireworks and s’mores tables. I went out and set up our tiny clay s’mores pot.

Jorgie and Justin ended up asleep and playing video games, respectively. It was just Jorge, Jules, Jaylen and Emily outside.

I was also sad that I didn’t get to celebrate with Mom, John and Dimitri. Plus, it dawned on me (and of course Jorge had to twist the emotional dagger) that my kids are growing up and aren’t always going to be in the mood to have family holidays how we used to. Boo. I don’t like it. They should always want to have family time 😥 !

Anyway! The girls and Julien have taken over my room as I’ve been typing this up and I’m sure they’re going to knock over my clean laundry.

I’ve had almost 3 months to cool off from my latest earth-shattering drama. I mean, “cool off” is quite an understatement, because I’m still incredibly livid. I guess you can say: I don’t know how to start.

For the 2nd time in my life, even before hitting the age of 40, I am going on my possible 2nd divorce.

I knew the move Jorge was making to San Antonio in 2018 was going to destroy us. Either he’d fuck up, or I would. But the money was amazing, he said. The kids would be 100% taken care of, and shit: if things worked out–eventually I could quit my job and we could work together!

I didn’t like the idea from the beginning and I even remember telling him, as he stood with his back against the sink in the kitchen and I stood directly in front of him, that I felt like history was repeating itself. I felt everything that happened with Mario at the end of our marriage was happening to us now. Except for the cheating part, of course, but everything else matched to the “T”.

He said it would be 1 year at least that we’d make these sacrifices and be distant, but we’d get to visit all the time!

That was ok while it lasted; the little weekend trips to San Antonio and to visit the in-laws in Austin. Less than a year later he wasn’t getting paid the way he was supposed to and missing one paycheck and then another and then it was around the 3rd missed/late check that completely screwed us up and turned our bills upside down. It was impossible to catch up after that. He told me to quit paying our credit cards (which were actually MY credit cards since the majority were under my name) and our cars were about 2 months late. My car almost got repo’d once. But we worked together and thanks to his mom and my brother, we were able to stay afloat due to borrowing money from them. Along with money troubles come frustrations and fights, and we had a lot of those. A lot of the fights had to do with how hard/much he worked just to come home and find the house in shambles (I’m sorry if my depression due to my husband being away didn’t exactly make me want to clean and tidy up the house). Or how the kids and I were supposed to wait on him hand and foot just because he did work so hard and he was away from home and had just driven for 4 hours and why the fuck do I come home then?? I heard so much of how mediocre I was that I began to resent him (just like I did with Mario, because he did the same thing). The worst was when he had attitude about the kids–man, that pissed me off.

Refresher: January 6, 2019 is when Jorgie and Justin moved in with us and basically, I became their sole parent since Jorge wasn’t here and they weren’t visiting their mom for a few months. Add to that the stress of basically being a single mom, wanting to start school (because hearing how worthless I was had really taken its toll on my self-worth) and missing Jorge and just feeling overall lonely–and my anxiety and depression skyrocketed.

I had originally gone in February 2019 for a refill for my topical acne medication and to see what else I could do because my cystic acne had come back with a vengeance and my period was on the fritz again. I walked in for acne meds and walked out with anti-depressants and pills to help me sleep because I was once again clamping down on my jaws and teeth from stress.

The meds caused me to become lethargic and I slept every chance I got (which is really unlike me). I stopped running, I stopped my Keto lifestyle because I just didn’t care anymore and gained 20 lbs. in 6 months. Then I started drinking to help me just get through the evening alone after the kids were in bed. My depression got worse, especially while on my period. I started becoming unbearable even at work when I was on my period (snapping at the guys, even if they did deserve it sometimes) and cried randomly when I was on one of my “lows”. The worst part was: once it started it wouldn’t stop.

Jorge started working as the District Manager for a popular restaurant in June of 2019. Only…it wasn’t here at home, or even the same county. It was in San Antonio again. He did his training in the Valley for 2 months and then around August he took off to San Antonio, a couple of weeks earlier than he was to, originally. Again he said it would be for just a while and one day he could transfer.

Jorge would come home for 2-3 days a week at first. Then 2-3 days every two weeks. Then every three weeks. Other times he’d be gone three weeks and he’d say he was going to come home for a whole week because it was so unfair how long and hard he was working and he was going to put his foot down! but he would still only be here 2-3 days and then some emergency would happen and he would leave.

We went from texting our updates to each other throughout the day, talking several times a day, to texting sparsely, to speaking on the phone only once before bed and then…2-5 texts a day and no phone call at night. I knew by then either we’d been apart so long that we’d gotten comfortable with the distance or something was going on. By this time, I’d become so numb and so depressed that I just needed to make it through the day. Go to work, pick kids up from practices, spend time with the kids and make dinner, then watch TV for a bit with them and go to bed, then do it all again.

After Christmas 2019 (one of the worst Christmases on record) he came home briefly and left before New Year’s Eve. But not before asking to borrow my Audi, and he would leave me his Mercedes for me to use meanwhile. I told him how going from an SUV to the car made me feel SO paranoid to drive, I didn’t like that I couldn’t connect my Bluetooth correctly, and the seats were messed up and uncomfortable. And what did he want my car for anyway?

He snapped. “It’s my car. I PAY FOR IT. And I want to take it. You’re being really spoiled right now.”

So that was that. Like always, the big man reminded me that I couldn’t afford anything. I conceded and he took the Audi.

Alaethia had just gotten over Flu B over the Christmas holiday and now poor Justin and Jorgie had it. I got out of work on New Year’s Eve and went straight home to pick up the boys and go to the night clinic. My biologicals were with Mario for New Year’s Eve this year, so he picked them up. Jorge was going to come home that evening so we could celebrate the incoming new year together, but excuse after excuse kept coming.:

They were “understaffed”.

They were “swamped”.

They were “getting tons of orders for New Years, WTF??”

“Emergencies” kept happening. And so on.

By 10pm he’s telling me he won’t be home till the next day and he “felt bad” and texted, “Are there any friends you can go out with?” Alarms went off. Typical cheating man thing to say. Mario did that too. I replied, “All of my friends are with their families, nobody is going to meet me to party and I’m not inviting myself anywhere.”

I was supposed to make shrimp cocktail to celebrate the New Year and I’d gotten us some Rancho La Gloria drinks to celebrate together on the patio, the way we used to, just us, when we first moved into the house.

The boys of course were miserable and stayed in bed. I watched TV with Bentley on the sofa. That’s how I brought in the new year: alone.

He doesn’t come home the next day, he comes home on the 2nd. There’s something awkward about him, but I don’t know what. Everything was just off, and he was in a bad mood, as usual. Javi came down, too, and was going to stay with us for a while. I finally make the darn shrimp cocktail, and I made way too much since I’m used to making enough food to feed a small army.

On Saturday morning Jorge and I go for breakfast buffet at Taco Ole. It almost felt like the old days! I’m feeling lovey and giddy. We’re almost done eating and he’s texting on his phone and announces that he’s going to drop me off and get ready to go. I said, “Go? Where?” He said, “I thought I told you, Princess, I could only stay till today. I absolutely have to go back tonight. It’s a Saturday and I have to close. I should have actually left last night.”

I couldn’t believe it. I just stared at him. I almost wanted to just start crying right there in the restaurant in front of everyone. It was so weird and disconcerting that he was just so used to not being home anymore. I always knew he was a hard worker. But this was something else.

He didn’t come home for his birthday on January 13th.

He did stop by on the way back from a meeting with his two co-workers on the 15th and I met them at Rudy’s. Something was weird about his co-worker, Christina. She couldn’t look me in the eye for a while and it was odd. He said, “She’s just weird like that.”

Justin borrowed my car to go see his girlfriend the first weekend of February. On the Monday after that weekend, as the girls and I were getting into the car to start the day, Emily opens the back driver door and says, “Hey, who’s phone is this?”

There’s a burgundy-colored LG phone with a really cracked screen on the seat. I can still turn it on and it says “Aweh Brother Love” and has 2 babies on the lock screen and a Gmail email address that begins with “Sabrina”. I had a weird feeling but I told the girls, “Ahh, Justin must have had a ton of kids in my car. I’ll ask him after school.”

I picked Alaethia up after school and I’d forgotten about the phone until I saw Justin at home. I ask him about it and he says, “Oh, Nailea found the phone in between the seats. She thought it was mine. I don’t know who’s it is so I just threw it back there.” I said, “Seriously? You didn’t have more kids in the car? I automatically thought you had tons of girls in the car.”

So. I text Jorge and ask him if he knows who it belongs to. He calls me immediately and says, “Princessss. Why, when something happens you automatically think it’s me?” I said, “Um, you were the only other person to use my car. Justin already said it’s not his or his friends’.” He said, “I don’t know why it’s there then, doesn’t make sense.” I seriously and irrationally start thinking, what if someone tried breaking into the car and they left it? What if it was a homeless person while he was in San Antonio? I didn’t know what to think anymore and I felt crazy. Justin and I start looking for that email and search through Facebook. There are lots of people with her name. I’m not sure what to look for. Weirdly, Justin gets a Snapchat request from someone with the exact name. He sends a message but never receives anything. I send an email to the email address and never received anything either.

Jorge didn’t come home for Alaethia’s birthday, which is January 24th. He didn’t come home till late on February 11th, on time for Valentine’s Day.

That night, as we got into bed, we actually had a serious talk. I told him how distant I felt us and how I felt like we were falling apart. He held me as I pathetically cried and promised me that we were fine, I was his best friend and his family was my family. That he loved me and we were great. I told him it didn’t feel like it lately.

Javi and Jorge picked me up from work for lunch at Kumori on Valentine’s Day. He brought me flowers and some succulents. He asked me what I wanted to do for dinner, but I just felt off, so instead of going out we got some tequila and ordered Palenque and stayed at home with Javi..

Fast forward to March 2020. Mary (my ex-mother-in-law) wanted to get a head-start on Alaethia’s Quinceanera stuff so we’d started going to Expos and Open Houses, etc. We were on our 4th event by March 4th and we (Mary, Mario, Alaethia, Emily and I) walked into the hall, sat down and it wasn’t long before they were serving us the sample plates. Suddenly, I get a call from Jorge–which is extremely odd because it’s 6:30 p.m. and he hardly EVER called during the day anymore. I answer and tell him they just served us and he says he HAS to talk to me, it’s important.

I go outside to take the call and he tells me he just got into a car accident. Now, this will be the FOURTH time he either crashes or has the car side-swiped. So I go through the usual motions and questions: Are you ok? How bad is it? Was it your fault?

He’s oddly calm and says he’s ok. That it was his fault; he was trying to turn and the driver in another car let him through, but then another car didn’t see him and hit him. The entire driver’s side was crushed and an airbag popped in the center pillar. He said he was lucky that the driver door airbag didn’t pop. He chuckles and says, “That car is cursed!” I dryly say, “Yeah, or it could be the driver.” He says, “Que suerte! And it happened just down the street from my mom’s!”

Women’s intuition is a strange thing, isn’t it? I felt it in my bones that he was lying. That something about that conversation was very off and it was strange that the photos he sent me were sent almost an hour later and were SCREENSHOTS. I finished the rest of the dinner feeling uneasy and having to slap a smile on my face.

Skip forward to Monday, March 9th. I get out of work and go straight to pick up Alaethia from practice, like I usually do. I park in the parking lot to wait for her and I get a call from an Austin 512 area code. I never answer calls from numbers I don’t have saved (they’re usually bill collectors), but something told me to pick up. The person on the other line is a man named Frank, and he was calling from an attorney’s office in Austin, Texas and was inquiring about the accident I was in last week. I’m trying to slowly process the info and ask, “Accident last week? I haven’t been in an accident?”

He says, “I’m calling about the 2012 Mercedes Benz.” I say, “Oh! That was my husband, yes. That’s his vehicle. He had an accident last week.” He says, “Ok, what is your relation to Sabrina R.?” And then I remember the email address on the phone and everything just comes swirling back in and starts making sense. I tell Frank, “Well, maybe you should be asking my husband about Sabrina, because obviously I have no idea what he’s doing in Austin and San Antonio.” Frank is very apologetic, and I give him Jorge’s number. I hang up and think, Dammit!! I should have gotten a copy of the police report!

I call Frank back and ask him for a copy of the police report. He quickly obliges and apologizes again. He says he’s been calling my husband but he doesn’t answer. I say, “Oh yeah, I have been, too.”

Alaethia gets in the car and sits silently as she’s listening to my conversation. She asks to go to the mall and I tell her I’ve got some stuff to figure out, to ask one of her brothers, please.

I immediately get on our family chat with his mom, sister, brother, him, and his uncle. “So who wants to tell me who the fuck Sabrina R. is??” Everyone sees the message, but of course, no one answers.

Alaethia gets a text back from Justin that says, “You should go home. Now’s not a good time.”

She shows me the text and I feel irrationally angry. The first thought that pops into my head is, “Holy shit, he knows??”

We get home and the house is quiet. The boys are both not here and neither is Javi. I feel like everyone knew and I feel stupid and hatred to my core. It’s at this point that I lose my shit and scream. I couldn’t believe what was happening.

Briana finally answers in the family chat and says, “Sis, call me.” I very dramatically say, “No thanks. I know where I stand with this family.” She calls me immediately and I’m crying and angry and say, “What do you want??” She starts explaining that she wanted him to tell me right away when he took her to the apartment after the accident. He went and picked her up from the hospital and took her to the apartment and kept her there the next day while she recovered and he and his mom went to see another car for Justin. That was the reason for them being over there: Dinah was going to buy Justin a car. Briana said she was against it and was pissed off when she saw her just hanging out and watching TV as if she belonged there the next day. I said, “WHAT?? They stayed together at the apartment overnight??”

At that moment, I start getting a call from Jorge. I tell her and we hang up. I ask him, “What do you want, you piece of shit? Have enough time to get your story straight?!”

Of course he starts asking what’s wrong with ME. Why am *I* writing those things in the family chat? He says Sabrina is just a co-worker and she was just helping him take the car to Austin because, how was he going to drive Justin’s car back on his own? I said, “Really? She was the only option? Nate or Art couldn’t help you?” It turns into a yelling match and he denies, denies, denies until I can’t stop screaming and he finally admits it. He says she was a huge mistake. That he couldn’t get out of it once it started. (I *STILL* don’t understand what the fuck that means.) That she was all drama. I told him to come home tonight to explain and get his shit and of course he says he only has 2 people working, plus himself, and he can’t leave till the morning. Typical story. I’m sure he warned her and gave her ample time to get her shit together, because I find out from her ex-baby daddy (oh yes, I tracked him down that same evening) that she’s a drug addict and he was trying to get custody of their son, she was homeless, didn’t have a car and that every time she had visitation that she arrived in either my Mercedes or my Audi (later on Justin told me he always had a hard time getting her red or blue hair out of the carpet in the Mercedes when he’d clean it). I ask baby-daddy if he knew how long she and Jorge were together. He said she started arriving in my vehicles around September/October. (WOW) Baby-daddy said he was with her, then she cheated with a 19-year-old kid who would supply her with drugs, then around September, when Jorge started working at the restaurant she worked at, they started talking. I was livid. I start putting two and two together and realize that all the time we were having money troubles he was shacking up with her at hotels. Then they started LIVING together at his AirBnB in January when he got it. The AirBnB I had just given him $500 for to pay for the month of March. I can’t believe it.

The boys came back that day and said they went to their mom’s (whom they hadn’t seen for a while) because they didn’t know where else they were supposed to go. That broke my heart again. I told them that no matter what, this was their house and nobody was going to uproot their lives.

Javi got here a little later and said he had no idea what was going on until he went over the messages. He didn’t know. I believe him.

To make an already long story short. He got home the next day and I wanted all the details. He admitted that yes, when he was renting hotels she was with him. He admitted that they did in fact live together at the AirBnB but that he was only with her since after his birthday, not September/October. That that was a huge lie, and whomever told me that was wrong. I said I didn’t care, he could live with her for a week, A DAY, and I didn’t give a fuck. What was done, was done.

I told him to get all his shit and leave.

I did what a typical woman scorned would do: I put Sabrina and Jorge on blast on Facebook. I blocked him on all social media. I also sent her an email, a message on Facebook and Instagram and she NEVER replied. Typical cowardly home wrecker. I didn’t care how petty it made me look, either.

I didn’t know what I was going to do. Like he’d said so many times: I couldn’t afford the bills on my own. But I was going to figure it out and he owed it to me and the kids to help me.

On March 21st my mom went into diabetic keto-acidosis and she had a bad case of para-influenza, which in turn caused her to have a heart attack. I was the only relative to a patient allowed in the entire ER due to Coronavirus, and only because she was in such shock when she arrived that her mental state seemed completely abnormal. My grief went from mourning the end of my marriage to praying that my mother would make it through the weekend.

I was…emotionally exhausted.

He wanted to work things out. Make things up to me. But I just felt so…disgusted. He kept coming and going and with Covid-19 on the rise I finally allowed him to stay here, but on the couch.

I received flowers and cards daily for a couple of weeks and was brought breakfast in bed, he took me lunch while he was on leave, dinners I wanted and he even cooked almost every day and cleaned without me asking him to.

(That lasted 2 months).

I still don’t know what I’m going to do. Everything triggers me. He stayed for a while and then I kicked him out again because I found their receipts from their outings together and her drug test forms that she kept in the glove compartment of the Mercedes. I guess she left them in there for me to find a little sooner than I did. And I also found out more things he lied about.

Then he came back, again.

Jesus. Writing things out makes me feel even more dumb and more lost. But I’ll figure it out. Eventually. For now, I’m concentrating my energy on the kids, my mom and losing the additional 10 lbs. I gained the month of March, after I found out. Now I have 30 to lose 😡 .