Category: Sadness

On my way to San Antonio with Mary and my kiddos (and the rest of the clan) – minus my hubby :(. I am so sad about this, you have no idea. I had no intention of coming at all – one: we have no money and the extra money we do have is all being used to pay off our debt, and two: Mario hadn’t gotten his vacation request in on time (and even if he did, I found out later, he wouldn’t have gotten it for this week anyway because another guy who has seniority over him wanted this week first).

So we both decided we’d be staying home with Alaethia; the boys would go with Mary. Well, he’d be working and I’d be at home on my own little vacation, because just being at home and not working is vacation enough for me. But Mary offered to take us – the five of us – to Sea World and Fiesta, all expenses paid at the last minute. We hoped upon hope that Mario would be able to get the days off, but he couldn’t. So again, I decided I’d be staying behind too, as nervous as I was about the boys leaving with Mary. They are quite a handful.

The time comes yesterday when I’m packing the boys’ stuff, and it finally hit me: they were leaving for 4 days…longest I’d ever been away from them. The only other time was when Eenan stayed with Mary for 2 days while I gave birth to Jaylen and the next time was 1 ½ days when I left them both with Mary while I was in the hospital giving birth to Alaethia. I tried not showing my apprehensiveness in front of them because they were upset enough as it was that I wasn’t going. Jaylen even tried backing out of going a few times, but we convinced him otherwise.

Mario kept telling me over the days, “I still think you should go. You should at least get to do something this summer,” but I kept telling him, “No way. I’m not going if you’re not going.” I mean, the last time I went on vacation without him was back in 2001 when I went to California with Mary and the family and since I was still fairly new as a family member I felt really uncomfortable. I felt like Mario’s uncles were picking on me constantly, but unbeknownst to me that’s just how they play around. I now get along with them wonderfully, thank goodness. But, at the time, I felt awful and promised myself I’d never go anywhere without him again.

We got together for Father’s Day yesterday. Mario enjoyed getting familiar with his new camera, a 10mp Samsung, and loved his new Stainless Steel cross and chain. Elda made pozole for everyone and we sat around and chatted. Mario decides to take a nap on the couch. 8 o’clock rolls around and I’m suddenly surrounded by everyone and they’re trying to convince me to go on the trip. I start bawling, I’m not sure why…I felt confused, upset because Mario wouldn’t be going, because I could imagine him lonely and bored, and if I did go I hadn’t finished with laundry, washed dishes, ironed, or made him meals while I was away. I relayed my concern and Elda offered to bring hot wings for a meal and Yadira offered some taquitos LOL. Mario wakes up while I’m crying and tells me, “GO BABE. I’ll be fine. Really.”

So everyone starts shooing me out and Noelia goes to the house with me to start packing. Mary’s in the kitchen at her house making Mario meals for the next 4 days. The whole time I’m packing I’m thinking, “What am I doing?” Every time I think about leaving Mario alone my lip starts trembling and I start bawling all over again. Mom feels a little sad too because I’m leaving and starts to make me feel guilty for not finishing the CD she wanted me to compile for her. I’m doing laundry in a hurry and trying to get all of the clean laundry that’s already done folded and hung. Mario went out to the car and washed, vacuumed and cleaned out my mess for me, so we’d have a nice, clean car to go in.

I hugged Mario in the kitchen for a long time and got his blessing one more time to go ahead and go. I was so close to changing my mind so many times. It was hard leaving him this morning. But it’s only three days. Three and a half, actually.

At least we have our cell phones and Myspace to keep in contact with, though!

9:20am
We had a bathroom break at a rest stop back in Brooks County somewhere and just finished having breakfast at McDonald’s in Falfurrias. My batteries are charging, the kids are being occupied by Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, Aly’s got her blankie and sippy and is ready to nap. I’m about to finish this entry and start on my new book, And Then He Stole My Boy Entrancers by Louise Rennison. Let’s see how many chapters I can read in 2 ½ hours (and while Aly’s in moods). I’m going to be alright, and so’s Mario. I’m really going to try and enjoy myself.

6:10pm
We’re at the hotel right now. I think I only got to chapter 2 or 3 on the road. We got to San Antonio and went straight to the Alamo. It was nice taking the kids around and introducing them to a little bit of history. They actually enjoyed it. We took lots of pictures outside, and even a few inside that I took without knowing they didn’t allow. Oops!

We got back to the car and followed behind Jose’s rental, which was behind Tommy’s car, to go eat at Las Palapas restaurant. I remember eating at one of those the last time we were in San Antonio, which was in 2003. Let me tell you, it SUCKS being last in the caravan. You have to swerve and switch lanes at the last minute. We almost died at least 3 times trying to get into another lane. 2 of those 3 times were due to yellow taxi vans swerving into our lane or not letting us pass. I was quite glad to finally get to the restaurant that started our long journey in the first place.

Alaethia was mostly well behaved. She started off with coloring “circles” on her menu with crayons and when she got bored of that she entertained herself with my tea. I held it while she drank and then she started splashing me with the straw. Once I took that away she was playing with her Gerber star puffs and when she threatened to throw her container all over the floor, the food came and all she wanted to eat was “Matoes” (tomatoes). Gosh, I hope these weren’t some of tainted tomatoes…

The boys were so full of energy that they hardly ate. Eenan made a mess of his enchiladas but Jaylen brought his chicken strips with him. Our next stop was checking into the hotel. Jaylen ate his chicken strips since it was a little quieter. I just about had a coronary when I called to the front desk and they told me they don’t have high-speed internet, but they do have dial-up and we’re supposed to bring our own “equipment”. Grr. I’d spoken to Mario just before that and he’d asked for me to upload pictures to Flickr so he could see. Poo. And we’d made plans to Myspace each other and now we can’t! I’m so sad.

After everyone had had a bathroom break Jorge stayed with the boys while Mary, Aly and I went to H-E-B with Tommy, Yadira, Yazmin and Angela.

Jorge succeeded in scaring the crap out of me, as always, though this time it wasn’t his plan. He was half-asleep when we left and we’re a few miles away from the hotel when he calls in a panic and asks if Jaylen’s with us. I laugh and tell him, “Uh, no. He stayed with you and Eenan,” because he’s always doing that to me–trying to trick me and make me worry. He says, “No really, he’s with you, right?” I said, “NO JORGE! He’s not with us! I left him with you!” I can hear him shuffling around and then he gives a big sigh of relief. He says, “Cabron, he was in the bathroom.” He muffles the phone and he tells Jaylen, “Why didn’t you tell me where you were going.” Jaylen just shrugged LOL.

We got a few things we needed from H-E-B (including two more rechargeable batteries, because I’ll just die if a really awesome photo op comes about and I miss it!). And now we’re here, resting. And I’m cold. And the kids (especially Alaethia) are running amuck. I’ll just read and maybe take a nap.

I caught yet another cold which I thought was brought on by getting soaked putting groceries in the car at Walmart on Saturday. As crappy as I felt I went to work because I knew my boss was taking turns with relatives and taking care of her mother, who’d recently been in the hospital. She was off every other day and I’d just caught up with all our work (we’d been so behind thanks to our snail-paced internet) so I didn’t want to get swamped again.

I asked John to accompany me to the mall to return a blouse and buy some jeans. He said okay; he wanted to check out video games anyway. We’re walking around looking for the store (which they moved across town, thank you) and he tells me he’s starving. I wasn’t sure if I was hungry or not, but I knew for sure I needed a seat because I was feeling dizzy and my heart was racing like it had been for the past two weeks. Elvira kept telling me, “You need to get yourself checked, girl. That’s not right.” She’d actually been telling me about a month already but I was in denial. I pinned my lightheadedness, racing heart and jitteryness to the 6 1/2 hours between my breakfast and lunch.

So we’re standing in line at Quizno’s, where John wanted to get a sandwich, and as I’m trying to figure out what I want I feel like the room’s spinning. He looks over at me and says, “You don’t look good, you’re swaying. Eat something.” Again, I blamed it on my terrible sinuses and headache, but I listened and had some broccoli soup and a Sobe drink. We sat talking for a while and I began to feel better. We stopped by the other store, I found a blouse, and we rushed home because I needed to make dinner. By the time I was done with everything I was exhausted and felt awful again. My head hurt, my heart was racing again, I couldn’t breathe because my nose was so stuffed and my throat felt like it was on fire. I started wondering if maybe I’d caught Strep. I was about to get up to take a shower when my mom said, “Don’t go to work! Stay home and get better!” I said, “No, I have to go.” Mario passes by and tells me, “Don’t go in.” And after feeling like a turtle on it’s back trying to get up to shower, I realized they were right, I was too sick. They convinced me to go to the doctor the next morning, so I got into bed and woke up early to shower.

The boys had slept over at Mary’s, Mom was staying with Alaethia, and Mario was working so I went on my own. When I’m in the vitals room they ask what my symptoms are and I told them about my cold and asked if I could be screened for diabetes. They were a bit shocked and asked why. I told them how I’d been feeling awful for the past two weeks and I felt like I might have diabetes. Then I weighed myself: 128.7. Officially THE MOST I’ve ever weighed in my life.

When the nurse practitioner checks me she says my throat’s inflamed (but not Strep), I have a chest infection and Sinusitis. She prescribed some meds for the Sinusitis (which I just realized I need to take again), Zithromax for the infection and a steroid. Then she sent a nurse in to poke my finger to check my blood sugars. After 10 minutes I could hear a commotion outside; they were in disbelief that the reading was mine. My sugar was at 203, 2 hours after I’d eaten breakfast. The nurse walks in, her expression serious, and says, “Yajaira! I can’t believe it. You’re diabetic! I’m so sorry.” I tell her, “It’s okay. I kind of expected it. Not this soon, but I did.”

She gives me menus and pamphlets for my new diet. Everything must now be sugar free and diet and no sweets other than the ones in the menus, most of which are fruits. She wanted me to go in today while fasting to do labwork and get that glucose test done where you drink a really sweet punch; usually the one one when you’re pregnant. I said fine. She said we’d try and get me back on track by just doing my diet and exercising, but she was afraid I might at least need to be on a pill.

I went to the pharmacy to get my meds for my Sinusitis and everything and started texting, calling and messaging everyone to let them know. It hadn’t hit me until then, really. I got a little teary-eyed for a little bit, but pretended it was because I’d been coughing up a lung. It was so weird having to go back to Dollar General to exchange the cough drops I’d just bought that morning because they weren’t sugar free.

I get home and tell Mom and she’s in shock. She kind of just stood there staring at me for a little while, like she couldn’t tell if it was actually me standing before her. And then I started with my diet. Edith, the nurse practitioner was right, she said it was going to feel like I was eating all day because I’d be eating every 3 hours: 6, 9, noon, 3, 6pm and 9pm. I called my boss to let her know I wouldn’t be in on Friday either due to my labs and told her about my ordeal. She said we’d even move my lunch hour half an hour earlier so I’d stay on my 3-hour diet. I’m so glad she’s so understanding.

Although I felt like total crap from the infection and Sinusitis, Eenan and I both had dentist appointments. I got the boys out of school early and then Eenan and I went. We thought he’d need a crown, but he just got that same filling redone and another 2. I got two molars on top filled that really needed it, plus a small one between two teeth on top. I still have two more to get filled but I didn’t want to spend too much with all the medications I’d be needing for the diabetes. I’m so proud of Eenan; he did much better than I thought he would. He only screamed once when they injected the Novocaine. Shoot, I almost screamed, too.

Mario and I went to Jorge and Maggie’s that night to chill out. We spent some time laughing outside and then on Myspace while Joe cut Mario’s hair Chuck Liddell-style (from UFC). We got home pretty damn late and we slept about 5 hours. Not even the shower at 7:45am helped. We got to the Dr.’s office and they drew blood and I drank that gross drink immediately afterwards. Then we waited an hour. Mario forgot something to entertain himself with so we just read forwards on my Centro and then we sort of took a nap until it was time to get my results.

We went to the back to get my results: 222. I am officially diabetic. My lab results won’t be in till at least Tuesday, but those results will state what Type of diabetes I have and if I’ll be using pills or insulin. I asked if there was any chance of just stabilizing my glucose with just diet and exercise and Dr. Edith said no, I’d need pills at least. Blah. Totally not what I wanted to hear.

We went to the pharmacy to pick up my glucometer and strips and all that. It seemed surreal. As we stood at the counter getting counseled Mario jokes, “I didn’t think we’d be doing this till we were old.” That’s so true. I was hoping I wouldn’t start having symptoms till I was at least 40!

They taught me how to use the machine and off we were with my little pack, which I’ll have to carry with me from now on. I’ll have to check myself right when I wake up and 2 hours after I eat, which’ll be at work.

We ran some errands for Mary with Aly watching The Little Mermaid in her carseat and then stopped by Dollar General so I could buy some snacks, like graham crackers and Rice Crispies cereal. Mario cruelly bought some Oreo Cakesters and he and the boys ate them in front of me at Mary’s. I wanted to hit something. But I got over it. Although I do want them all to follow my menus to keep them healthy for the future, I can’t rip everything away from them =\.

I followed my menu for dinner and oh my gosh, I couldn’t finish the amount of food. The three main meals are actually really big meals–well, to me anyway. My “fruit” consisted of a third of a whole melon! I still need to ask my doc about certain foods; I’m confused about how much sugar I can actually have, because my 8 animal crackers have 7g of sugar. I wonder if that goes for everything else? As long as I follow the serving size and amount of sugar, I can eat it?

I took me three tries (and pokes) to get enough blood for a good reading on my machine. I was disappointed to find out it was still at 170 :(. I don’t want to have problems like this for the rest of my life :(. They called me a “Rare case” at the doctor’s office today. I’m, so far, one of the youngest females to develop diabetes.

I always thought I’d shrivel up and die if I got diabetes, but I’m not shriveled or dead! I’m okay. And I’m going to eat well and exercise. And hopefully the silver lining will be that I’ll lose some weight in the next coming months.

I just finished reading The House of the Scorpion by Nancy Farmer, and although it was a sudden ending (I want MORE, DARNIT!), I really loved the book. Now I can start on Shopaholic and Baby!

I have to run a few errands but I figured it’s a good a time as any to start this post — because I will post it today! Alaethia’s still asleep because she kept me up till 1am last night. She was literally tossing and turning and rubbing her face between the pillows until I was so exhausted that I put her in her crib. Then she fell asleep with no problem. Figures.

Okay, I left off on Saturday, Dec. 15th previously. I forgot to mention, Rolando, Eenan’s best friend, had slept over Friday, the night of my Christmas party, because they had a UIL meet the next morning. Mom babysat all of them for us and said they were very well behaved. I was still very tired since I didn’t get to sleep much, but I got them ready and dropped them off. I picked them, and Angela, up at noon. For some reason, Eenan didn’t get to participate in one of the categories but got 4th place in the other.

As the kids are piling into the car I smell something. Alaethia had poopie. I get to changing her and am horrified to see that she’s got diarrhea. She’d just had a diaper change before we’d left home, yet she’d already developed an awful diaper rash. Her first severe diaper rash, ever.

We rush to drop Rolando off, and of course I get distracted talking to his mom, Maxine, and catching up on things. We all rush to Catherine’s birthday party, which is all the way in Mission. As we’re arriving I notice that Alaethia’s gone to the bathroom again. It was awful. I’d never heard such blood-curdling screams while changing her diaper. It was heartbreaking.

The boys had fun at the party and I ran into Art and his little boy. He’s so big already!

After the party we went home and just chilled out the rest of the day. Poor Alaethia was not up for anything else. She was sick for about 4 days, poor thing.

With a pang of guilt I realize it must have been the queso fresco we’d eaten the night before that might of gotten her sick. Hypchondriac, paranoid mother that I am, I start panicking that she’s got some kind of weird bacterial or viral disease because I fed her bad cheese. But no. A visit to the doctor let’s us know otherwise: she’s got a virus. Although I feel horrible for her I’m glad it wasn’t me that caused her to get sick. Now I know: no more queso freso for her!

On Dec. 20th we drove through the Festival of Lights on Ware Road, at the park. It was nice. We bought some kettle corn and switched the car radio to the station that had accompanying Christmas music.

Friday, Dec. 21st – We picked up Noelia and went to Wal-mart, Long John Silver’s, and the mall. Aly got a Care Bear that she picked out herself at K-B Toys.

Sat, Dec. 22nd – We visited Gramma at the nursing home. Her hair was done in braids. We delivered her Christmas gifts. Of course she says, “Why did you bother?” as always.

Sun, Dec. 23rd – We celebrated Andy’s birthday at Mary’s. Andy and Noelia were leaving early, so the kids, Mom and I visited Pete and Sally and Quentin. We took over some cookies I’d made and the boys had some that Pete and Sally gave to us. The boys behaved a little wildly, which was kind of embarrassing. Alaethia was a good girl. She even let Pete carry her for a few seconds LOL. Sally’s done wonderful things with their house. I loved the color of their kitchen! It was teal.

Mon, Dec. 24th – Aly was shaking her bootie! Like, really shaking it. It was the cutest thing :).

The women did some last minute baking and wrapping, as always. Angela and Eenan were very busy getting everything ready for Santa that night. Angela was in charge of the stockings and Eenan made a sign for Santa so he’d find his cookies.

Tues, Dec. 25th – We woke the kids up early, though not as early as all the other years because everyone else doesn’t get here till around 8:30. So we woke them up at 8. We had to put the monitor on for Alaethia because she was being a lazy bump and wouldn’t get up.

The boys opened up all their gifts, and loved their “main” one, the limited edition Zelda DS.

Jaylen, as you can see, looks very sleepy still LOL.

Alaethia had a great time during her first Christmas. She was more interested in ripping off wrapping paper than her actual toys and clothes, but she had fun.

Wed, Dec. 26th – We stayed home and enjoyed the mess and new stuff. The kids were all so excited with their new gadgets and games. Alaethia especially loved one of her gifts from Mary, which was a Laugh and Learn table. She shook her bootie to the songs like there was no tomorrow!

Thurs, Dec. 28th – We celebrated Grandpa D’s birthday here at Mary’s.

Fri, Dec. 30th – We went to the movies…though at this point, many months later, I can’t remember what we watched.

Sat, Dec. 31st – New Year’s Eve! Always fun. I think we went to the movies. We bought fireworks. It was cold outside, but we popped fireworks anyway. Just covered Alaethia up really well so she’d be warm. The boys had fun. Mario was letting them pop fireworks on their own, which made me really uneasy, but he was watching them. Alaethia looked so cute. Yadira, Noelia and I put 4 pig tails on Alaethia and she looked too cute!

1-4 – We visited Gramma. Aly was hugging and snuggling with her. Gramma couldn’t stop laughing, because Alaethia was doing her burrowing thing when she was snuggling up with her. Gramma had a nice, soft blanket, which drives Alaethia crazy. She loves soft blankets!

1-5 – We went to Mexico to get candies for Alaethia’s party. We were wary because of the frequent recalls of Mexican candies due to lead poisoning. It’s mostly tamarindo/chile candies that have lead though, so we steered clear of most of them.

We got almost everything we needed. We got some centerpiece plushes, Strawberry Shortcake, of course. And some Strawberry Shortcake tin boxes for the candies. We got a bottle of Buchanans and a case of cigs for Mario. And when we were back here we went downtown to see everything for Natalie’s 15th. Got home, unloaded and went back to town with mom and the kids. I bought some lilac paint from Walmart that was on sale. I’d get to painting the bathroom sometime.

1-6 – I spent the last day of my vacation painting the bathroom the lovely shade of lilac I’d bought at Wal-Mart. I went with Mario to the hardware store to get supplies (his dad needed some for a project, too) and Dollar General. I did the texture first and after it dried I painted. It actually dried a few shades darker than than the paint chip, but oh well. I finished by the end of the day. I was exhausted and SO not looking forward to waking up at 5:20am for work the next morning.

1-7 – Tired. Arrived to work…to an empty parking lot! Grr. Then it dawns on me–it’s a Workday which means no students. Which means we go in at 8am!! I could have been sleeping! As I’m frantically searching the website on my Centro a counselor arrives. At least I wasn’t the only one! We discussed what we should do. She said the custodian had just arrived, so she was going to stay. Like hell I was going to stay all alone doing nothing. I hadn’t even brought my book with me! I thought of the gas I was going to waste, but I went home and slept…for about 10 minutes. Blah.

I left the house at 7:40 and got to work just in time. My boss got there late and I’d already started working on a few things. She reminded me about a meeting and breakfast being served at the cafeteria, so I went along. Mrs. V., a few other teachers and myself chilled out till around 9:30.

1-10 Alaethia is obsessed with deer jerky. So am I.

1-11 – I got my Christmas bonus! Well, it’s not exactly a bonus since we “save” $58 from our paycheck every month. I’d been wondering when we’d get it.

We started getting the final things ready for our students to start circulating again. I came home and we bar-b-q’d. I played outside with the kids. Mario took our bedroom TV outside and we watched movies out there. When we go in to eat at Mary’s a Lack’s business card floated to the floor when I opened the door. Hmm.

1-12 – I dropped Mario off at work, late, and he was pissy. He knows he’s going to leave the house late when I drop him off. I don’t know why he expects any different.

We went to Goodwill. I only had Jaylen and Aly and Mom went, too of course. We got lots of bargains!

We picked up Taco Bell and visited Gramma. She caught me completely off guard and asked when she was going home :(. I felt so horrible. I didn’t know what to say. I told her we didn’t have the resources to care for her the way they can at the nursing home. She was teary-eyed and everything. It was heart breaking :(.