Category: Bitching

Pep-Talk to Myself & Updates

I was having a bit of a woe-is-me type of day yesterday (I’ve been like this the past few days and it could be a few things: Shark Week coming up, not working out since last Thursday after doing so well, probably not fitting into my new bathing suit like I would have liked, and devouring 2 chocolate mug cakes in the span of a week and feeling guilt for it–someone has to taste-test the recipe! 🙄 ), AND it seemed like everything was going wrong regarding everything else in life, so I referred back to a few of my recent Instagram photos and posts on the blog to remind me that no matter how minuscule, I *have* been making progress with Keto, at least.

Weight

I weighed myself this morning on that horror of a scale and it read: 117.4 Which means that I’ve held steady, even though it *had* gone down to 115-116. And I need to realize that maintaining is GOOD. One of my main goals was to go under 119, which I hadn’t been able to do with exercising alone in about 4 years, and I have! So that’s a feat in itself!

It’s incredible how body dismorphia and anxiety always seem to creep their evil little heads out, no matter how well you’re doing. I hate it. They’ve been messing with me, like I said, and I need to kick them in the teeth!

Hair

In one of my posts in May I mentioned that I was in desperate need of a hair cut/style. Well, I finally made it out there (to Jorge’s relief 😆 ) and got it done with a new stylist! I never stray from my usual stylist because she’s the ONLY person who hasn’t screwed up my hair. Well, she was either nrver open, or had too many people ahead of me. My new girl is Marcy and her salon is Curl Up and Dye! I love the decor and the owner is just the sweetest and the best!

She made my hair feel so soft and smell so good!! Now, if I could just get my darn hair from FALLING OUT IN CLUMPS, that would be magical…

Work Outs, Goals & Acne

I’d mentioned that I never had time to work out, but for about 2-3 weeks I actually WAS working out. At…10:00pm or 10:30pm so I wouldn’t end my workouts till almost midnight! My energy levels were at an all-time high, thanks to Keto, but by the end of last week, I couldn’t get out of bed for my morning run on Saturday. It was really disappointing. Then I started helping Jorge out with some of his work, so there went the extra time to work out because by the time we got home, I was exhausted! Then on Sunday, I helped Jorge again and got home and got straight to doing laundry. It never ends!!

Plus, it’s been so dreadfully hot that even cleansing my face and wiping my sweat with a towel instead of the back of my hand caused me to get pimples (including a terrible cyst on my chin!!)! I was so upset–after going through Shark Week last month with very, very minimal new acne, something that I felt was making me feel (and look) so much better (P90X) was causing me grief!! I just can’t win! (Acne deserves a whole post of it’s own!) So, what I think I’m going to do is start working out inside the house, in the living room, instead of in the garage. Although, I will still have to do some exercises in the garage…like the chin-up bars/bands. Bleh!

My ultimate goal for working out was my new bathing suit Jorge bought me. I took “before” photos, and although I didn’t look too “bad,” I still needed to tone up a few areas (saddlebag area, belly, arms, back–the usual). But, since I haven’t worked out this week, I’m going to have to quit beating myself up and buy a cute cover-up. It’s not like it didn’t fit, and I am trying my best: simple as that!

Breakfast – Or Bulletproof Coffee

Staying up late and snoozing in the morning isn’t helping my situation. Well, maybe it is, since I’m sort of doing accidental “fasts.” I’m usually rushing out the door in the mornings so I decided to start making myself some Bulletproof Coffee, or Butter Coffee. I only tried BPC once back in 2013 when I’d first done Keto, and was just too put off by butter in my coffee that I didn’t continue making it. But I’ve done my research this time around (just Google “bulletproof coffee”). I don’t purchase anything from bulletproof.com, nor do I use MCT oil or coconut oil in my coffee (just yet; I’m thinking of using my organic coconut oil and I’d like to purchase collagen in the future, especially for the hair-falling-out-in-clumps problem) and I don’t purchase any newfangled accessories for my coffee in the shape of drops, Ketone powders or anything at all (way too expensive and pointless if you ask me! I haven’t really come by anyone who’s said “it’s life-changing!”). My recipe is pretty simple:

2 tbls. butter
1 tbls. heavy whipping cream (I love the creaminess!)
1.5 – 2 tbls. of syrup (either the Jordan S’mores or Torani Caramel)
And a 10oz.-12oz. K-cup of hot coffee

I toss everything into my Magic Bullet, blend and voila! A frothy, latte-like concoction that keeps me full till lunchtime! I have done the alternative: cinnamon and Stevia, but I much prefer the way I mention above.

Gramma’s Health

I worry about my Gramma a lot these days. Part of the reason my days run late is because I try my hardest to make it out to see her every day after work, especially after her episode with Bell’s Palsy and then later on the strange, irrational fear that she had daily. Well, it turns out the almost-hallucinating type fear of falling was due to a UTI. 2nd time that happens, you’d think we’d all figure it out, including her doctors 🙄 . I’m just glad she’s feeling more peace and that she’s getting the correct medications. It’s such a relief!

Lactose Intolerance

I mentioned back in my post Going Keto…Again that I was wary of Keto due to the “diet” including lots of cheese and dairy, and that I feared for my lactose intolerance problem getting worse. But after being “Keto” for over 3 months I can honestly say I think my lactose intolerance has been reversed, even when consuming large amounts of cheese, heavy whipping cream and the occasional Enlightened bar or Halo Top Ice Cream! Gone are the days of painful bloat all through the night due to having cheese on my burger or having a serving of ice cream. Keto’s been a God-send!

I’m anxious about my yearly exams next month! That means I get to do my cholesterol panel, and I’m really curious to know how it reads this time around. Keeping my fingers crossed that all is well and I don’t have to rely on genetics to determine my future.

There. Read it all back and I feel better already. Since I started this post, things have looked up in all areas. Just got to get the ball of positivity rolling yourself, I guess!

Catch-22

I’ve been tip-toeing about how exactly to word this post, but I figured–fuck it, I’m just going to type.

The past few months to a year, I’ve already felt like I’m at a standstill; like I’m underappreciated and like I should simultaneously be doing more. The past week has really intensified this feeling.

I started the day out on Monday with a fresh, positive outlook. The kids and I left the house ON TIME for once on a Monday! I dropped everyone off with time to spare at all the places we needed to be and I strolled into work about 10 minutes early. ON A MONDAY! That NEVER happens! Usually I’m skidding into the Monday meeting by the skin on my heels!

So anyway, our boss treats us to Cracker Barrel for a job well done the past few months. It was such a great surprise (especially because I was starving and hadn’t packed breakfast!) and it made Monday that much better.

We get back to work and I have to turn in some stuff that was already late; the 2nd batch of items that needed to be turned in. I’d done the first batch on Friday, but was told to wait on this one since it was a lot of stuff. To make a long story short and leave out a few details: Someone was scolded, and this same someone implied that it was my fault and told me “that’s the reason you’re here”. That I’m here for something mediocre; like nothing else that I contributed was important whatsoever. I was furious and I stayed quiet. Well, not too quiet, because I did mention a few things, because I was that appalled. I walked away fuming and to be honest: hurt. I bust my ass, and that’s how I’m repaid?

The couple of people I told about what happened were also shocked and couldn’t believe what was said to me, because they agreed: it wasn’t my fault. So I tried to go on about my day, but I was angry.

I had to opportunity to attend the Mayor’s Prayer Luncheon, where David A. R. White was the speaker. It was a wonderful event: the food was great, I ran into Karina! The speeches were sweet and Mr. White’s presentation was incredibly inspirational and often humorous. I felt like his entire speech spoke to me, and I needed to hear it at that precise moment. In short, it was about how we’re all here for a grand reason and how one thing shouldn’t make you feel like you should give up. I became teary, but held myself together. I decided at that moment that I need to make changes.

Skip forward to Wednesday, when I’m having a conversation with a friend, and I find some things out that turn me into a blubbering mess. Things that I suspected already, but knowing for a fact made me feel like I got punched in the gut, like I was heartbroken. It highlighted what “that” person told me even more, and I just felt like a loser, and I know I deserve more. (Before I go on, no, this has nothing to do with my husband or our marriage!) I cried for 2 days straight. Jorge was a huge support and listened to me bawl my eyes out, as were 2 other friends. I know what I have to do, but it’s at the risk of sounding ungrateful, or adding a lot of stress to my plate, or starting all over.

Either way, it needs to be done. And it’s going to suck.

Technical Difficulties

I managed to waste hours of my life trying to figure out issues with WordPress, yesterday and today.  I can’t seem to access my login from a computer browser, and on top of that, old themes had a line of code that were causing my site to have ad banners on the bottom. Super annoying. I realized today that I am wayyy too old for this shit; I don’t have the patience anymore to sit and decipher the coding to find the errors, etc. I just want the shit to work when I finally get a chance to update 😕 .

Anyway. My original plan yesterday was to finish my Spring Break post and start on the food festival one. My big event that was causing me so much stress is now OVER!! *spins* I’m crossing my fingers that that was the end of the high-stress for a bit at work, but you just never know. (I just realized I’m clamping my jaw as I type this–no wonder I have to use a night guard 😆 ).

Anyway, Mom and I did some thrift shopping yesterday. I got some books, old records and some dresses and she got books and VHS tapes she’s collecting.

We were so lazy after being in line forever that we got Wing Stop for dinner.

My acne/hormones had mercy on me last week; even through the stress and that time of the month. A most unfortunate combination most of the time, but my face stayed clear, for the most part. But then this weekend came along and BOOM. Cysts on my chin. Grr. Jorge and I were finally going to Suerte’s Barbacoa and Big Red brunch and I knew I’d run into people so I was forced to put on makeup. Sure enough, I ran into Yazmin and then Maritza. Jorge and I looked for seats for a good while, but there were none, so we left :(. I was so sad. For the life of us we couldn’t figure out WHERE there was Sunday Brunch, so we ended up at Fuzzy’s Taco Shop.(Later on, we got some great suggestions on Facebook!)

(I was totally not wearing a bra with that blouse. TMI, I know. But never in my life was I able to do that before! And I didn’t feel gross! #breastreductionftw!)

The foods! I literally ate 1 1/2 strips of that giant quesadila!

Anyway, we ran into Kristina and my “new” cousin Josh, his wife and baby. We ran some errands, and then Jorge worked on his car as mom and I visited Gramma and went grocery shopping.
And then I was online with tech support and got nowhere *sigh*. At least I’ve still got access from the app. *knocks on wood*