Category: Sadness

Mario stayed out with Chris that night, celebrating Christmas till around 2am. I’d been having a tough time sleeping that night; not only because Mario wasn’t there, but because I just couldn’t get comfortable. I’d eaten kind of late, so it was probably that. And that Alaethia was thrashing around having her own little Christmas party in there :). I woke up when Mario got here, and then again at 2:45, when his cellphone was ringing. I tried waking him up, but we were both so tired we fell asleep again.

We were told to wake up at 7am so that Eenan, Jaylen, Sammy and Brandon could open up their presents. I stayed in bed 24 minutes after the alarm went off, but I figured it was okay since no one had called yet or anything. I finally got up at 7:30 to wake Jaylen up. He wouldn’t budge, and neither would Mario. Eenan had slept over at Mary’s (to hear when Santa got there) and most-likely he wasn’t awake either.

I went over to Mary’s to ask if Eenan was up and just as she was about to say no, he emerged from the hallway, tousle-haired and ready to open presents. As I’m walking out the door Mary says, “Oh, Tommy’s dad passed away last night. Well, this morning, around 2:30…”

My heart sank. That’s why the phone was ringing at 2:45. It was Chris calling Mario to let him know. Suddenly Christmas didn’t feel as cheery as it had. I went over to our bedroom, to wake Mario up (he’d been throwing fits about waking up too early before I left to Mary’s) but he got up anyway when I told him the sad news. Jaylen got up as well and we went over to Mary’s.

We wished everyone there (mom, Mary, Jorge) a Merry Christmas and then the kids jumped on top of Jorge, who was still half-asleep and laying on the couch. Once everyone was settled on the couch the boys started to open presents. Mary and I separated presents while the kids opened and I took pictures. They opened their presents from Santa (a Robo-Raptor and Star Wars Transformers thing for Eenan and a Fisher Price Digital Camera and Darth Vader ship for Jaylen). The kids got tons of awesome stuff this year–yay for starting Xmas shopping in early November :). They got board games from Mary, DVDs from Mary and us, video games from Mom, Mary and us and tons of other things like Doodle Monsters for both boys, an iDog for Eenan and a mini Robo Sapien for Jaylen. They’ve been busy since Christmas :P.

Mario was next and loved all his DVDs (Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest; You, Me, and Dupree, Accepted, World Trade Center). He was surprised when he opened a box from the boys and me and found DVDs (Man on Fire, X III the Last Stand, Dazed and Confused, The Da Vinci Code, and Waiting) and the Gerber pocket knife he wanted. I felt so bad that I couldn’t find his corded Dremel he’d been asking for but figured I’d surprise him later.

I got DVDs (Devil Wears Prada, Wizard of Oz, Edward Scissorhands, Grey’s Anatomy Season 1), a beautiful bracelet and $30 Target gift card from Mary, a cute pink jewelry set from Elda, and a beautiful personalized jewelry box from Mom. Mario also surprised me and got me a wallet besides the camera he’d already given me. Annie was my gift-exchange person and she got me a purse. It was kind of small so she said she’d bring the receipt (my huge wallet didn’t fit in it at all LOL).

And Alaethia, who’s still in the womb, received gifts as well! Andy had his mom (bless them!) crochet a pink and white blanket for Alaethia and Yadira gave her some crocheted Amy Coe mary-jane booties :). Mom’s also in the process of finishing up the pastel blanket she’s crocheting for her as well!

We had biscuits that Mom made for breakfast and later on we all got together for Christmas lunch (turkey, gravy, mashed potatoes, stuffing, green bean casserole, corn and broccoli rice). We all sat around for the rest of the day and just chatted. Christmas was certainly bittersweet, what with Tommy’s dad’s passing. Although everyone tried to be in cheery moods, I’m pretty sure we were all thinking of Tommy’s dad and family :(.

Mario took a nap while I tried cleaning up the piles and piles of toys and DVDs the kids received. I went back over to Mary’s and everyone was still sitting around, talking and eating sweets. Big Mario finally opened his presents so I took pictures since Mario would be upset if I didn’t (yet he wouldn’t want to be woken up, either O_o).

We had leftovers for dinner and I watched Elda and Jorge/Eenan play Battleship (one of the games the kids got) then Mario and I played (and I lost :(). We stayed up playing games and finally the boys and I came home. Mario and Jorge went to the store to buy beers and hear their Cantina (bar) music LOL. Besides the sad news of Tommy’s dad’s passing, it was a great day.

Though I didn’t want to go anywhere the next day, I had to go since we were completely out of groceries. Like, I had nothing to cook or make, not even sandwiches. John said he needed to go to, and I figured he’d get out at 12 so I waited for him. He didn’t get out till 3, which meant we left at 3:30 and traffic was terrible. Didn’t help that the shelves in Target were practically empty. I went there to exchange and buy stuff for Mary (and since she was going to Beall’s she took an outfit Cat and Annie gave Jaylen to be exchanged for one size bigger) and a few things for myself, but there was hardly anything left. I’d gone specifically for this hobo bag that was mostly white with little flowers on it but they had none of the bags left, not even the ones I didn’t like. I did however, go a little crazy with scrapbooking stuff in the Dollar Spot and I also found a tiny t-shirt for Alaethia. It’s 9-12 months, but knowing my kids she’ll fit into it by the time she’s 6 months LOL.

Bo, one of Big Mario and Mario’s friends, had come by on Christmas and left the boys $40. I went on a search for Kirby Squeak Squad and had no luck at any of the stores I called. I did however, find the corded Dremel Mario wanted. I hid it under the blanket on his side of the bed to surprise him. When he got here, I told him, “Go look at what your children did under your side of the blanket. Don’t get mad, don’t say anything, just go look.”

He rolls his eyes expecting the worst, like our sheets being destroyed by markers. I sneak a peek at the door and as he lifts up the sheet to reveal the box he gets a huge smile on his face and says, “Babe! You got it?!” and hugged me. Still doesn’t compare to my wonderful camera he bought me, but he was happy with it :).

We went to Wal-Mart next, where we got “house stuff”, like toilet paper, paper towels, Mario’s shaving cream and so on. It took forever there. By the time I looked at the clock, it was 6pm; we’d been in line for 20 minutes. I wanted to quit and just go home but I still had to stop by H-E-B to get the actual groceries. Took another hour or so there. We didn’t get home till 8 and it took me half an hour to put everything away. I was exhausted! There was a Rosary (wake) for Tommy’s dad that night, but it was short notice and nobody let us know ahead of time so we didn’t make it. The funeral would be the next day, Wednesday at 2pm. Mario was asked to be a Pall Bearer but he had to decline unfortunately since he couldn’t get out of work early enough.

I got all our stuff ready the next afternoon and started making lunch. I got to feed the kids, but Mario and I were starving since the food finished cooking about 2 minutes before we had to leave. He was falling asleep in church and later on told me, “See, that’s why I don’t go. I get bored!” This was quickly followed by, “Yes, I know I’m going to hell.” LOL

I held up pretty well and so did Mario. It wasn’t till we went up and paid our respects that I got a knot in my throat and then started bawling. I felt so bad for Tommy, Chris, their MOM and the rest of their family. Eddie couldn’t even be there because he’s in the hospital himself. I hugged Tommy first, then Chris who put his hand on my belly and said, “You know, it’s kind of funny: one life is leaving this world and another is coming in…” That made me cry even more and I hugged him again and said I was so sorry. Their poor mom was all cried out and so were Yadira, Angela and Yazmin. It hurt to see little Angela crying so hard :(.

We came home after that and ate lunch (the chilli I made and enchiladas Mary made–heartburn galore!) and then we got dressed to leave to town. We didn’t feel like being home so we left to Best Buy in the hopes of finding the Kirby game for the kids. We had no luck of course. I called to Wal-Marts that I hadn’t called yet and lo-and-behold, they had one Kirby game at the one on Conway. We lectured the kids about how they’d have to share till the stores got more in. We got the game, a Rubbermad bread box, batteries for all their new stuff and I can’t remember what else. We decided we wanted something simple for dinner, so we stopped at Dollar General to pick up a can of tomato soup (to go along with Grilled ham and cheese sandwiches) and talked to Maggie for a bit. I also got some wrapping paper for half off, which is one of the things I intended to do at Target but forgot =\.

I did hardly anything today. I think I’m coming down with a cold on top of feeling fatigued all the time. I have an awful sore throat that I got for brilliantly sleeping with the fan on. I can’t stand the hot flashes I get at night and even though it was about 40° outside yesterday, I felt sweaty. Mario did too, so I know I’m not going completely insane.

Welp, I should start making dinner. I have no idea what to make. I still have laundry to fold and hang and I can’t find the battery to my vacuum. The floor looks hideous :(.

After having breakfast I picked up the newspaper from this past Sunday that Mario abandoned on the floor out of all places. A story on the front page called “Just One Wish” caught my eye.

I figured I’d read the article and then take a nap. I was so sleepy this morning I actually turned off the alarm and went right back to sleep, leaving the boys and I with only 40 minutes to get ready instead of the usual hour and 15. After reading this article though, there’s no way I can sleep. I’ll just lay there thinking about what we can possibly do for this family.

The Garcia family — Martina, 42; Juvencio, 41; Juvencio Jr., 16; Andres, 13; and Marcos, 1 1/2 years old — live in a church bus that was converted into a home near FM 1925 in Edcouch.

Martina has liver cancer, which spread from her colon, and undergoes chemotherapy that leaves her sick and feeling weak. (Source/full story: Themontior.com)

This story hit me like a ton of bricks. I bawled so hard my head began to hurt. Shame on me for silently complaining about not having new window treatments, or new slippers, or a new bolster pillow when there’s people out there who are sick and actually need clothes and food. For the second time in less than a month I feel humbled and just lucky to have the life that I do, no matter how “bad” it may seem sometimes.

They live off of Ramen noodles and beans almost every night. Martina couldn’t even enjoy the first, most special months of her new baby’s life because when he turned 6 months old, she was diagnosed with colon cancer that had spread to her liver. Her husband, Juvencio, doesn’t have much work because he looks after the children when Martina’s feeling too ill after her chemo treatments. The floods that invaded their part of the valley during summer ruined some of the few things they owned, including an adjacent building Juvencio built 5 years ago.

The two eldest boys, the 16- and 13-year-olds, were shy during the interview and didn’t want to say much. I can’t even imagine what this is like for them.

I can relate to them, though. I don’t mention it much, and it’s going to take a lot to put this into writing, but when I was growing up we were dirt poor. We got by on my Gramma’s SSI check and welfare. At the end of most months, when funds were low after paying bills and buying food, we’d live off of bread and baloney sandwiches and city water. We spent days at a time sometimes without water and/or electricity since my dad would conveniently disappear when he was supposed to send money for the bills. My mom couldn’t work because she didn’t have an education and the GED classes she would have liked to attend weren’t offered in our area. Besides, even if they did have classes available, we had no form of transportation and Mom never learned how to drive. But still, even through all that, John and I remember having a mostly-happy childhood. Once we were in middle and high school though, it became a little embarrassing to tell our friends where we lived and even worse when they would go over and they found out we didn’t have indoor plumbing. We didn’t live in a shack by any means, but it was a small, 50-year-old house at the time that needed many repairs we didn’t have money for. That’s where I can relate to the Garcia boys. I know how tough it is being a teenager to begin with, but to have to deal with everything that’s been put on their plate makes their lives even tougher.

The fact that this may be the Garcias’ last Christmas together is just devastating. Although we may not be able to do a lot for them, I’d at least like to donate clothes and toys for the kids. Mario and I were just talking about how much stuff we have in the storage unit that we need to get rid of in a garage sale, but I’d feel so much better giving whatever I can to this family. My boys have plenty of toddler toys they don’t use and toddler clothes they grew out of that can be given to little 1 1/2 year-old Marcos. Both teenage boys wear Medium, and Mario bagged up tons of Medium sized shirts. And although it may not be much that we can give, I’d like to donate money, too.

If you live in the McAllen area or anywhere in the Rio Grande Valley and would like to donate, Themonitor.com states that donations are being accepted from now until December 21st at the building on the corner of 12th Street and Chicago Avenue, just west of the Chase Motor Bank buidling at 200 S. 10th Street in McAllen. You can call (956) 279-9047 or (956)-279-9048 with questions or to make monetary donations. It says that all donations are accepted, including, but not limited to: gently used clothing and toys, food, furniture and money.

It’s so nice out right now. I’d lost faith in our local meteorologists since the past few “Cold Fronts” we’ve had have been nothing but 2-3 degrees less scalding than usual. Last night though, it started to get really nice and cool outside (albeit windy) and this morning it was a crisp 45°! Love, love, love this weather. It officially feels like the Holidays. I still can’t believe Thanksgiving is next week. I knew once Halloween passed the rest of the holidays would zoom by, and it certainly feels that way. By the time I know it, it’ll be Christmas, then New Years and then Alaethia will be here! Ahhh!

Mario’s birthday was Sunday. We slept in and he got up to take a shower. He couldn’t find a shirt to wear so I presented him with the squirrel one I got him the day before. He loved it :).

We had plans to go eat at Jesse’s Mexican Food, one of his favorite restaurants, and then catch a movie. He checked out movie times online and was disappointed with his choices. He decided we’d go watch something for the kids, like Flushed Away.

We went over to Mary’s to see if everyone was ready to go. Noelia and Andy were there and so was Mary. The day started to crumble when we told them we were going to eat first, then catch a movie. Well, since Noelia and Andy had already eaten, they wanted to catch a movie first. We’d had breakfast too, but were willing to eat lunch right away. I was especially willing since it was Mario’s birthday and of course it was his choice what he wanted to do. Noelia and Andy decided to go to the movies alone and then Mary said she didn’t think she’d go anywhere with us. Talk about upsetting. Mario was quickly getting in a bad mood.

We started piling into the car and Mary said she changed her mind, she’d go with us but she’d meet us there. Cool.

We were barely out of our town and going into the next one when the kids started a fight over one of their game boys. Mario gave them two chances to calm down and when they didn’t he turned the car around and we came home. I thought he was being too impatient, but I didn’t dare say anything since I knew he was upset his day wasn’t going at all how he planned.

We got home and he locked himself in our room and watched Mallrats, which was one of the DVDs his mom gave him. I didn’t get near the room till I got some kind of sign that he’d calmed down. I know how he is already. His parents don’t apparently since they both came over and knocked on the door till he peeked his head out. First his mom, then his dad. Once his dad left he came out of the room and said, “No one leaves me alone!” and left to drive around. I figured he’d meet up with Chris and vent. When he was gone for an hour I called him to his cell and he didn’t answer. Another 30 minutes passed so I called again and he didn’t answer. I started feeling really bad, since I didn’t do anything to him. He got home just a few minutes later and went back to the bedroom. I snuck over there and tested the waters. He was fine. I laid in bed with him and the boys, who’d been grounded in their room for misbehaving, came over hopped on the bed to watch the Star Wars marathon on HBO. We ended up taking naps and once I’d slept enough, I got up and made dinner. The rest of the night was like every other Sunday. I watched Desperate Housewives while Mario went to Jorge’s. I got really upset at first because I thought, ‘How dare you throw a fit and have a miserable birthday while moping around the house and once nighttime comes around you happily run off to Jorge’s?!’ but he only went to pick up the pool balls since we’d forgotten them on Friday.

We uncovered and dusted off the pool table and got it as leveled as we could. We played about 4 games, two if which I actually won :), probably because the table wasn’t as leveled as it should be and the balls were rolling around everywhere, helping me get the balls into the pockets, buahaha. We had fun and ate peanuts (he had salty, I had honey roasted). We got tired around 12am and went to bed. While we cuddled I told him I’d make it up to him and he told me it wasn’t my fault, I didn’t have to. I want to though. I just need to figure out how.

Mario felt really shitty the next day, so he stayed home from work. I napped after dropping the kids off at school and figured he would too, but couldn’t sleep after he called in to work. Our stupid toilet had died on us again during the weekend, so we’d been having to use the bathroom at my mom-in-law’s. I woke up that morning to the toilet completely overflowed all over everything. I tried sopping up what I could, which was totally disgusting, and left it alone.

When I wake up Mario’s laying on the couch watching TV. He tells me, “Go look at how horrible the bathroom looks!” I brace myself and with one eye open, peer inside the bathroom. Everything’s sparkling white and the water’s at a good level again. I ask him, “Does it work?” and he says, “Flush it.” It works flawlessly. I have a great, handy husband. Instead of sleeping he spent the two hours I was sleeping fixing the toilet. Now that’s love :).

Nothing exciting happened during the week. I went to Muffins for Mom at the kids’ school on Monday morning. I read to them for half an hour in the library while we ate muffins and drank punch. They were so excited since they were having a Reading is Fundamental distribution, where they give all the kids a cute book of their choice.

Mario and I went grocery shopping that night, which is always nice because I hate to go alone. We always end up spending twice what I budget when we’re together though, which isn’t always a good thing LOL.

John didn’t work on Thursday and he asked me to accompany him to the National Lube Express to get a radiator flush on his car. I kept saying, “I think I should follow you in my truck,” but at the last minute I changed my mind and just left with John. When we got to the light at the end of the road I had this bad feeling in my chest and I told him, “Why do I get the feeling I should have followed you?” It was, after all, 1pm…I had to be back home and ready to pick up Eenan from school at 3. The car overheated and then started smoking after we left the place the first time, when he got an oil change done. Since he was getting the radiator flushed, we figured we’d be fine and done with plenty of time.

We spent about half an hour there trying to figure out if someone was in the bathroom because the light was on and the door was locked. I needed to pee really bad since I’d downed a Pepsi right before we got there. We kept making jokes about a person being in there and me being all rude, saying stuff like, “How long does it take to use the restroom?” I finally just asked the guy if I could borrow the key and prayed that nobody was in there when I opened the door. No one was in there. I suffered for 30 minutes for nothing.

The guys get to work on John’s car and call us over. They ask if we’ve been having trouble keeping the car on. We look at each other and say, “No?” We tell them it sometimes acts up when he first turns it on in the morning, but other than that it’s fine. He asks if it’s been smoking, which was a yes. We tell him about the fan behind the radiator that doesn’t move. He says it can be fixed. He says he can’t do the flush because the car needs to stay on to do it. Darn. They check the oil and to our absolute horror the liquid on the end of the dipstick is WHITE. They tell us there’s water in the oil, which is probably being pumped back from the radiator due to a cracked head in the engine. Lovely. The guy is nice enough not to charge John anything. We try to leave and it won’t turn on. It turns on and when we’re getting ready to leave we notice a lot of smoke coming out of the exhaust and 3 of the guys are waving their arms around to stop. I get off the car and get splashed with warm water. The exhaust is SPEWING water out like crazy. I realize I don’t have my cellphone. The guy lets me borrow the office phone. We decide to call Noelia to pick us up. I’m freaking out because it’s already 2:20 and I need to pick Eenan up at 3!! We can’t get ahold of her, so we call Mary, who thankfully gets ahold of her and she comes for us. Thank God she was home!

So yeah, John was pretty upset about that. I’ll be dropping him off now and he’ll be borrowing the car on Fridays when Mario doesn’t work till he figures out what he’s going to do with the Death Mobile. He figured he’d sell it for parts since he doesn’t want to waste any more money on it.

The kids had Pajama Day today. It was too cold out for them to wear their pajama tops and bottoms, so they just put their pajama tops on and some jeans plus their jackets. I saw lots of kids and teachers in their slippers, so tomorrow the boys will wear another pajama top plus their slippers (Jaylen has Hot Wheels, Eenan has Pikachu). Why didn’t we get to do cool stuff like that when we were in school?!

Both the kids are sick with colds again. Eenan’s getting worse and worse. I hope he can get some rest tonight. He had UIL practice today and his coach told me his cough wouldn’t let him hear anything. She’s afraid the same thing will happen Saturday, which is when his 2nd meet is, if his cough doesn’t get better. I don’t know what to do anymore. December can’t come fast enough. I NEED their damn insurance! I’m just praying they don’t come up with some bullshit when I try to use it. Supposedly I can use their confirmation letter as proof that they have coverage even before I get their new cards. We’ll see. Keep your fingers crossed and pray Eenan’s sickness doesn’t turn into Bronchitis or Pneumonia :(.

I hope I can get some sleep tonight. I have a terrible headache, partly because I didn’t get to take my nap this morning. I had to buy and drop off crimpers for Mario at work and John and I took Mom’s ridiculously long grocery list and bought everything she needed. Grr. My back hurts, my neck hurts, Alaethia’s trying to rip a hole in my right side (which I’m grateful for because at least I know she’s moving in there), and I wake up to pee 5 times a night now. I pee at least every 45 minutes to an hour, if not less. And the gas and constipation? Not cool.

I’m going to cuddle with Mario now. Maybe I can get him to give me a massage :).