Ups and Downs

Dad had come to visit but of course I don’t wake up before noon on Sunday, especially now that I’ve got Emmy, so he chilled out with Mom (oooh). They even took a trip to Walmart, where Mom got some yarn to start on a new blanket for Gramma. That’s her hobby of the moment, crocheting. I hope she keeps it up. She’s really good!

Once I was up Dad came in and met Emily. I made him some coffee and we sat for a good hour and a half and I took pictures. I got Mom and Dad in one holding Emily. It’s so strange and nice to have a photo of them together after all these years. The only other picture I have of them together is one of their wedding day.

Dad left and about an hour later Noelia and Andy came to visit. Noelia hadn’t had a chance to see Emily yet so she was excited. They brought gifts for all the kids which was really nice of them. They never want any of the kids to feel left out.

We watched Madagascar 2 and then we—well, not really me since I couldn’t move much—got the kids ready so they could go to Amy’s little boy’s birthday party. I was staying behind with Emily. My incision was still oozing, my boobs still hurt and I was still spending every other hour in the bathroom pumping. I was actually pumping when everyone got back from the party. I came out to say bye to Noey and Andy.

Later that evening, when Mario and I were watching TV in the living room my left arm, feet, hands and face were tingly and hot. I’d never felt like that before, outside of the hospital. It felt like my body did when the anesthesia was wearing off after the tubal and epidural.

When it was time for bed, around 12am, Emily was ready to be up. She wouldn’t let us put her in the bassinet at all when she’d been doing just fine since we brought her home.

During the time that she was awake I had a lot of time to think. It may be the post-partum depression settling in—God I hope not—but at that moment I just felt like a…failure. I started thinking about how I hadn’t potty trained Alaethia yet, how I couldn’t get her to sleep in her room and how I couldn’t even get Emily to sleep in her bassinet that night, when all the other nights she’d been fine. Then I started thinking about all the things that were going wrong, like my incision becoming infected and the weird tingling. What if something happened to me like it did to Mrs. Mendez from work? She almost died when her C-section incision became infected with Staph. And the tingling? I kept thinking of blood clots and organs being cut during the tubal that shouldn’t have been. That’s what I get for watching so much Discovery Health. I even told Mario before he fell asleep, “What if I have deep-vein thrombosis?!” He just rolled his eyes, chuckled and said, “Yes, Dr. Yajaira. Seriously, you really need to quit watching those shows.”

When she finally did fall asleep she woke up at 3am and refused to go back to sleep. I tried everything. Mario got up around 5:30 and offered to stay with her. I was exhausted and silently sobbing from said exhaustion as I rocked her when he got up. His excuse was that he’d fallen asleep early and he was wide awake. I told him I’d be fine. He had to work in the morning and I didn’t. He insisted, so he got her and walked around with her. I remember him doing the same thing with all the other kids, too :). I had an eye open, watching him and he said to go to sleep. I did, for about half an hour. When he was trying to put her back in the bassinet, she’d wake up. Alaethia’d woken up around 4am and was being loud and ready to play. She wouldn’t go to sleep, no matter what threats we threw at her. She finally passed out around 6:30 so Mario moved her to her crib in her room. He told me it was okay, I should just lay Emily in the crook of my arm and sleep with her. So I did…and she let me sleep. So well in fact, that I didn’t hear the alarm go off, or I turned it off and didn’t realize it. Mario was supposed to wake up around 7:30…and when I opened my eyes and looked at the clock it was 9:35!