Author: Yajaira

Does anyone know any good recipes for a copycat version of the Starbucks Caramel Frappuccino? I just tried one out that I found online and eeewww!

Anyway, things with the neighbors seem to be pretty…calm. The guy must be in jail and the girl I only see at night for some reason. I don’t think anyone’s at the apartment at all during the day, or it could just be I pay attention at night? On our way home from Yadira’s last night, we saw her, her mom and brother (?) strolling down the main street, and it was like 10:30pm, which I thought was pretty weird. I’m just glad things are back to normal and I hope it stays that way.

We didn’t do much at all on Saturday, till the evening. Jorge actually invited us over . Mario picked up a 24 pack of Bug Light, as a peace offering, I suppose. Eenan slept over at Mary’s and Jaylen and John went with us. Hiram was already there (he has a key to their house, don’tcha know??) and I think it was pretty damn uncomfortable for him to have us there. Aww…too bad! The reason we don’t go over there anymore is because of him, plain and simple. He has something against Mario and we have no idea what it is. At one point, Jorge, Mario, Hiram, & Joe (their neighbor) went to check something out at Joe’s house across the street and I asked Maggie, “Does Hiram talk shit about us when he’s here?”. She looked kinda shocked at the question, and almost like she didn’t want to answer. She basically said that yes, he has said some stuff, but that she didn’t think he had anything against us. I told her he’d been acting that way since we went to Albert’s birthday party. I also told her the reason we hadn’t gone over since that last time (March 1st!) was because of him and that whole night, Jorge was bitching about how he didn’t want to bar-be-cue. I told her how shitty I thought it was that Jorge and Mario have been friends forever and for some moron to come in and ruin that friendship–it’s stupid. It’s stupid that JORGE is letting their friendship slip away like that.

Right after mentioning that, the guys got back and she talked about how she wanted to go to the beach for her birthday. I said Mario wouldn’t get the day off (sarcastically, so Jorge would get the point and maybe give him the day off) and the first thing SHE says is, “We gotta get Hiram the day off so he can go.” Grr. Maybe it’s not so bad that we don’t talk to them much anymore?

John had two beers that night, which is a lot for him since he doesn’t drink beer. Needless to say, John felt like absolute crap the next morning LOL.

Maggie made a drink with beer, and OMG that shit tastes foul. I don’t know how she can just chug that stuff !

Sunday I woke up to a moody Mario who quickly ruined my morning. I was so pissed and upset that I made a private journal and just vented until I could vent no more. Still deciding whether I want to give that password out, though. I really need to install WordPress, or some kind of blogging software that has password protected entries.

Anyway, he was going to check his cousin’s system and asked if I wanted to go. Even though I was pissed at him, I decided to go since I didn’t want to be home. The boys stayed with Mary and Big Mario and splashed in their kiddie pool.

We got to Mario’s aunt and uncle’s house and I actually had a good time. Mario was out with his cousin, fixing the truck and I was inside with his aunt, talking about computers, Roadrunner, spyware and downloading. She was shocked that Mario and I knew so much about computers LOL. She was so surprised, she called us outside to tell her son what we knew, because she said, “According to him, he’s the only one who knows about that stuff” LOL. We also spoke about how I can take the basic college courses online and where I can take the THEA (the new TASP). I’m SO not looking foward to taking that. Even John said it sucks. I don’t remember ZIP about math and I know for certain I’ll have to take all the remedial maths. Blah. Just what I need, to be in school forever just so I can get a job as an administrative assistant.

After having lunch and hanging out a bit more with his aunt and uncle, we came home and later went to a movie. Eenan of course didn’t want to watch The Pacifier, so he stayed with Mary. It was a cute movie. Jaylen was super sleepy when we got there, so he was getting fussy. He kept throwing tantrums about how he wanted Scooby Snacks (we’d already gotten him a movie meal, which has candy in it and a pickle) and thew himself on the floor. When the movie actually started he was in a pretty good mood, thank the Lord. He ended up falling asleep halfway through, as usual. I was pretty disappointed we didn’t get to see Gramma again this weekend . That’s almost 4 weeks, I think, that I haven’t seen her!

I’ve been thinking a lot about the future, more than usual; about school, about what I even want to go for as a major, what kind of job I’ll have, will we make good money, when we’ll finally get a house, when/if we have another child??? Thinking about having another child in the future got me thinking about how my pregnancy with Jaylen was tough, which had me thinking, “What if the next one’s tough, too? Or what if it’s worse??”

I had a dream that night, a weird dream. I was 6 months pregnant and I had this strange, gurgling pain on my right side near my rib cage. Somehow, I had this pore, or some kind of “hole” where I had the pain and the baby was born through that hole! The umblicial cord was hanging out and everything–weirdest thing, ever. Anyway, SHE was perfectly healthy, looked exactly like Eenan did as a baby, with curly hair, and was perfectly fine for being born 3 months early. I took it as a sign that maybe, if I do ever get pregnant again, I’ll have a girl (heh!) and that my pregnancy will be okay?

Jose, Elda, and the boys got here around 10am yesterday. They’ve officially started their new lives in Texas . I ran a few errands in the afternoon (wasted 30 minutes of my life at the Department of Human Services, where I had to set up an appointment for mom, only to have the evil receptionist tell me since she moved, she needed to go to a new office. Grr!)

We spent the day at Mary’s, just talking. Later in the evening, Mary and I took the boys to their swimming lessons (I took video with my Kodak easyshare this time!) and then we all got together at Yadira’s, ate dinner, and talked, made jokes and were just loud LOL! Yadira realized that our children will all be very loud also–we could hear them scream-talking to eachother across the house . Mario got there after work, we chilled out a bit more and then we came home. I was super tired and STILL had to do chores I didn’t get a chance to do during the day.

Today, I’m hoping to take John for a drive (Mario figured out how to make the darn car work…we have to move the key foward, wait for a “click”, and then we can start the engine–dumb thing.). I also want to take the kids to the library, IF Jaylen ever wakes up LOL.

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Had to start a private journal since relatives read my blog. It’s just a password protected directory for now, but when I have time, and I get the balls, I might install WordPress with the PW protected entry option. I considered making a private entry on my LJ, but I have “friends” on there that I wouldn’t feel comfortable letting read about my private life. Anyway.

I don’t bitch about my in-laws much. I love them all dearly, as if they were my own flesh and blood. BUT. I don’t like the way my mom-in-law spends money and then is broke before her & my dad-in-law get paid again. We’re broke. We HAD $100 yesterday to last us the next week, that’s all. We went to Jorge and Maggie’s last night, and as a “peace offering”, I suppose, Mario buys a 24 pack of beer and some cigarrettes for himself. Something we didn’t need, but fine, whatever. Today he tells me he gave his mom $20, because he owed them to her and was going to lend her another $10. I tell him, “Wait. You didn’t owe her $20. You told me last time you weren’t paying her back because you took her and Noelia shopping at JCPenny with OUR credit card and we’re paying for it anyway. We don’t have any extra money, Babe.” (They spent about $160 on our card, yet I can’t fucking go shopping when I want to, yet we’re paying for it.) He snaps back, “Get the fuck over JCPenny already, Yajaira. I can do what I want with my money.”

Motherfucker.

If it’s ONE fucking thing I hate, it’s when he says that crap. I tell him, “Oh really? We’re back to that again? YOUR money?”

He was walking out the door to buy milk, since we ran out, and he says, “I can do what I want with our money, I don’t need to ask you what I can or can’t do.”

“Oh.” I reply, “NOW it’s ‘our’ money, right?”

I really hate when he says that. I loathe it. I don’t give a shit if he thinks it’s allowed because he’s angry, you just don’t say that crap. That’s what would cause all the fights around the time Jaylen was born. He’d become this arrogant asshole and seeing very well that I’d just had a baby, would bitch about how I didn’t do anything around the house, how I was worthless and how the money he made was his. Hmm…and then he wondered why I had post-partum depression. After a whole assload of talks about it, he finally changed. Lately though, he’s been doing it again. Doesn’t say I’m worthless or any of the other hurtful things he’d say, but he still brings money into it. That’s honestly why I’m in such a hurry to get my license, go to school and get a good job–because if “his” money isn’t “ours”, then I want my own. Let him run out of gas at the last minute because he’s lending everybody and their mama money just so they can friggin’ go to the movies with the whole family. I know that’s what Mary’s gonna do. I don’t wanna be rude or break into assumptions but that’s WHY she goes broke. She decides to invite everybody to the movies with her and she PAYS for EVERYBODY! Or she takes everybody to lunch or dinner. And it’s usually not me and the kids, either. God forbid anyone be seen with me and my loud kids. OR she wants to buy stuff that’s on sale in the ads. She just sent Mario out to get the Sunday paper for her. He couldn’t take me to the goddam Garage Sale, which I haven’t been to in months, because “we don’t have money”, but he can lend his mom $30 we don’t have? Grr.

And, oh my God, can I go off on another rant here? Jose, Elda and the kids are on their way from Yuma, AZ. They’re permanently moving down here. While they’re having their house built, they’re going to be staying with Yadira. Usually, when they’re down here for vacation or just come to visit, I’m volunteered to stay WITH ALL THE GODDMAN KIDS. Like mine aren’t wild and crazy on their own, I have to watch everyone else’s kids!? They go off on their merry way, to the movies, to eat lunch and don’t invite me, but leave their damn kids here. When the FUCK does anybody watch mine? The only damn time we get invited anywhere when “the whole family’s” down here is when Mario’s here. Since Mario works all day long, he’s not here, so we don’t get invited. And I swear, if Elda gets into one of her holier-than-thou talks, I WILL tell her something this time. I’ve taken enough shit from her and I’ve had it.

God. I can’t wait till we get our own house. To think we’ll be here another 2-3 damn years. IF Mario and I can stand eachother that long.

Whoo. That feels better . I could just be taking everything 1000x worse than it really is since it’s that awful time of the month, and I’m moody and my back is killing me, but I think I have a legitimate reason for feeling how I do. Here’s hoping that the day gets better *raises glass of chocolate milk*.