Category: Sadness

Poor Shmelionaise passed away last night. John was in pieces and I don’t blame him. It was so sad to see the little kitten in the state he was in. I was strong for John as we packed him away in his little casket (a cardboard box) but as soon as I left John alone with him (I came inside since now I’ve caught a cold and it was cold and drizzly) I cried my eyes out. It’s so unfortunate things like this have to happen. He didn’t do anything to deserve the pain he went through :(.

We found out what our final was: a presentation on one of the chapters we studied. I haven’t done anything and yes! Yes, I am procrastinating and sitting here updating my blog instead of ironing/taking a shower/planning my presentation. My feet hurt, gawddammit.

I spent an agonizing hour and a half at Target, ready to use my Target card for the 2nd time, and what happens? Either everything’s too big, too long, too unprofessional, or not there at all. I finally decide to buy bras and they don’t have a single one in my size. I didn’t want to spend all kinds of money, so I didn’t buy a new outfit. I hate shopping. God help me when/if I get a job and have to buy professional attire.

I went back to Wal-Mart later on with Mom and found a blah-ish blouse I can wear with my ugly brown dress pants. I hadn’t seen myself in a 180° mirror while wearing those pants and I noticed just how much shorter they make me look. It’s humiliating. I had found this adorable linen-ish cami with beads in aqua, clear and brown but I would have had to buy a new jacket and skirt and if I got new pants I’d have to buy shoes. It’s a disaster. I hate not being able to find clothes that fit right.

I should get the kids in bed (they should have been in bed 20 minutes ago, grr!) and do everything else I need to do. I hate feeling overwhelmed. I want to cry from the frustration!

[edit] Alrighty! I was checking my stats and noticed someone found my site by searching Google for “screw my husband please”. Why would…nevermind…[/edit]

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I’m updating from the PDA phone Mario gave me. This is pretty cool, I’ve got to admit. He stopped by work to exchange a radio and he volunteered to throw in two radios real quick. I’m waiting here…it’s just too damn cold to drive. We still need to go to WalMart and Pet Smart. John’s kitten, Shmelionaise, got really sick last night. I don’t think the poor thing was going to make it. They’re still little–as in too young–so we couldn’t give them dewormer or flea meds yet. I’m afraid he’s dying from worms. It’s so sad that just today they’re old enough to take the medicines. Poor John–he was so upset. I guess I’ll stop writing now. I keep forgetting the Graffiti things so I’m getting annoyed. We really need to buy the keyboard for this thing. God, I hope Mario finishes soon!

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I don’t know how I expect to have another kid in the next year if I can’t control one of the ones I already have.

Last night, Eenan, Jaylen and Catherine were petting the kittens. When I check on them I noticed the gray one that looks exactly like Brushka looks a little odd. I pick him up and his little head just flops to the side; he was completely limp in my hands. I immediately scream, “Oh my gosh!” and the kids get guilty looks on their faces. Turns out Jaylen was putting him on his chest then checking how long he could “hold on” before he fell to the floor. He was also smacking him against the wall. When Eenan and Catherine told me this and later Jaylen admitted it too, I couldn’t believe it. I’d run into Mary’s to show Mario the kitten and Noelia told me to gently put him on the floor. My heart broke seeing him that way and I couldn’t hold it in; I started bawling. I feel embarrassed thinking about it now since Jorge, Mary, Noelia, Cat, Annie, and the kids were there, but I couldn’t control myself. He looked so helpless and small.

I sat on the floor of the bathroom, bawling, with the kittens and a very worried Brushka. I was joined later by Noelia, who sat with me for about an hour. All of the kittens were scared and Brushka would get angry everytime she heard the kids’ voices. I couldn’t believe Jaylen would do something like that. I know he’s little, so I didn’t lose my head and start yelling or spanking, but I did lecture them both. I think what scared them the most was seeing me cry. I heard Eenan tell Jaylen something about, “…and then who’s gonna take care of us!?”, while they were cleaning the room. Poor things, LOL. I just hope they learned from this and that it never happens again :(. The kittens are all fine, thank goodness. We all prayed like crazy and about two hours after everything happened the gray and white ones started moving around a little more. They’re all back to normal today :).

I’m getting worried about Jaylen’s behavior, though. First the kitten thing and today he smacked Eenan in the face with a die-cast airplane because he was looking at him. I need to limit their Game Cube time, a lot. Not only do I have a feeling about it, but everyone else has been telling me that the games have something to do with their aggression. I used to be really strict about how long they were allowed to play, but since it’s their winter vacation I’ve been really lenient about it. They’re only going to get an hour of play time–that is, after they’re un-grounded. I’d love to invite Super Nanny or Nanny 911 over but I couldn’t stand them pointing out my parenting faults . I wish I knew what I was doing wrong *sigh*.

Changing the subject, we went all over the place today. Got the tires aligned and an oil change done on the Sentra, we walked downtown while the car was being serviced, paid both my JC Penny credits, went to the bakery that’s down the street to our lots, put gas, went to Bell’s Farm Market, went to see Gramma and then went home. The kids were so antsy by the time we left Gramma’s. I’m surprised they lasted as long as they did, though.

Gramma’s doing fine except that she has Shingles. Is that how you spell it? I haven’t done research on it, but the nurse told me it’s highly contageous, like chicken pox. Poor Gramma. They’re giving her medication (have been since the 1st–thanks for calling, assholes!), so I hope she gets better soon.

Oh, I forgot: Last night I got a call from that PRIVATE-prank-calling guy. Only it wasn’t the guy, it was the little boy who answered the phone the one time I returned the call (before they became psychos). While we were waiting for the Sentra this morning I got yet another call from that guy. First they were just silent and I said, “I TOLD you to STOP CALLING ME!”

I hung up and 15 minutes later the guy who’d left the message called. He appologized for the “prank caller” and said his friends must have gotten his phone numbers. By then the vein in my forehead was throbbing and I yelled, “WHY DO YOU EVEN HAVE MY NUMBER!? How did you get it? Do you even know who I am!”

He replied, “A friend of mine gave it to me.”

“Well,” I huffed, “Who gave it to you. What’s his name?”

“I don’t want to get him in trouble.”

I go back to thinking it’s someone from school so I ask what school he goes to and he said the high school in my city. He said he’s seen me around and wanted my number so he asked his friend for it. Who his friend is and who this guy is, is totally beyond me. I told him I was married and that I didn’t want him causing me any problems so to please understand he needed to quit calling. I’ve yet to find out how to block numbers, but I pray he won’t call again. It’s annoying. And scary because this dude knows who I am because he’s SEEN me. *shudder*

I feel sorry for whoever gave him my number. My God, if I ever find out….

I guess I’ll be heading to bed. Mom, the kids, and I are going to the City Garage Sale tomorrow. We’ll be getting there late, and I don’t have much to spend, but it’ll be cool to go since I haven’t gone since my birthday last year. LAST YEAR. Wow. It’s been a while. I certainly don’t need any more plush toys, so in a way maybe it was for the best LOL.

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