Shortlived

Well that didn’t last long. The giddy happiness I felt on Friday is no more. I don’t usually write about our hardships on my blog, but I can’t get this out of my head. I have to vent.

The situation at Mario’s work turned into yet another drama and in the midst of it all Mario had to hand over $150. Out of his own pocket. $150 that we needed for bills. His paycheck was going to be short as it is because of his vacation pay (which, after 2 years of him working there, they still haven’t increased), so we were going to be cutting it close as it is. But I would have budgeted. Now I have no idea how we’re going to make it till the next paycheck. I’m going to have to withdraw money from my Target Visa, which I didn’t want to have to do at all. Which will then raise the finance charges, which will ultimately cause us to have to pay much more a month. John said he’d lend us the money, but I feel totally, well — for lack of a better word — weird borrowing money from my little brother. And then what if we can’t pay him back? No, no. I’d rather just take the risk with my Visa.

How the heck did we get to this? Everything was peachy and now I’m panicking, worrying about what’s going to happen next. I’ve been looking for jobs left and right even before this happened, but everything I want is either taken or I’ve been overlooked. I’m not used to that. I’m used to wanting something, going for it, and having it in the palm of my hands. I don’t want to have to call the Career Services department at my old school because then they’ll be calling me EVERY DAY to go in for interviews to jobs that are either too far away or just suck. Blah.

And on top of it all Alaethia still goes to sleep at 2am. If she falls asleep before then and I think, Awesome, I’m putting her in her crib and going to sleep! she’ll wake up as soon as her head grazes the softness of her mattress. I’m totally thinking of taking up Maggie’s offer of working with her. The plus is that it’s close by. I’ll be going in in the afternoon, but the shitty thing is that I won’t be getting out till 9pm. There goes all my time with the kids :(. The pay isn’t anything to celebrate about, either.

And I don’t know how I’m going to do it, but I’m GOING to watch Harry Potter next week.

Right now would be the perfect time to fall into some money, like an inheritance left to me by some long-lost relative. Or winning the lottery. Not state lottery; I’d be happy with $500 off a scratch-off. Or finding a $100 bill on the ground somewhere. I wouldn’t feel guilty about taking it because there wouldn’t be anyone around…

Okay, enough of the day dreaming. I just have to keep thinking positive! That’s it. We’ll make it. We’ll figure it out. We always have. And that reminds me of the song that Mario had me listen to a few days ago. I’ve been absolutely in love with “Hey There, Delilah” by The Plain White T’s. He said he thought of me when he heard it, aww :). It’s funny how it’s sort of fitting right now.

(P.S. I added the radio.blog on the right as you’ve probably noticed. After messing around with it for a while I ended up with those two awful lines of numbers up at the top. I can’t be bothered to fix it right now, as unsightly as it is. And I had to resize it to fit in the column so it’s sort of hard to see the text, but enjoy anyway.)

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