My Babe and bro tease me about my ADD but this is ridiculous. I went from doing laundry and leaving it half done, to sweeping half the living room, to checking Facebook and drinking my cup of coffee (which I’d thought I’d finished…) on the sofa. Then I started sweeping again, took the trash out, laundry again and then took my laptop out to blog…and went back to the washer and dryer. Jesus.

Anyway. During the quiet moments this weekend with my kiddos (the few seconds here and there when one wasn’t smakcing another or me having to scold because one told another to ‘shut up’–their father’s doing SUCH a great job. Not.) I read paragraphs from old blogs I used to frequent. Their lives seem so…normal. So easy. There is no mention of pending divorces. No ex’s who make life difficult. No mention of excessive bills left by said ex’s. No mention of feeling like they’re lost and slowly losing it the weekdays & weekends they don’t “get” their kids. No ex telling anyone with ear drums pity stories to get attention. And no mention of getting a hilarious tip about their ex trying to (quite unsuccessfully and pathetically) get under-age girls to sleep with him.

I should really write a book.

In the past few weeks I’ve been privelidged to a lot of…information. And even though I’d LOVE to go on a rampage and just talk smack about some idiots and divuldge lots of juicy info to certain people to rattle their worlds as mine has been…I just don’t have it in me to do it. That was my problem from the beginning: not announcing to the internet and the world how much like crap he treated me. How he told me everytime he got drunk (and it was quite often) how unhappy he was with his life. I painted this wonderful picture about how happy we were and it was a sham.

It’s already going to be a year since he was off talking to Patty, meeting her Downtown behind my back and accusing ME of doing that. A year since he left the house because he needed “space” while he was off talking to girls on Facebook and meeting them places. It’s been 3 since the pathetic fool tried time and time again to get Abby to fall for him. So yeah, we weren’t happy for quite a while.

He goes around telling everyone about how I left him “and the kids”…when he’s the one who clearly handed me divorce papers in August, after threatening me with divorce since last April. HE’S the one who took my kids from me, put up ‘no tresspassing’ signs, called the cops to ensure that I couldn’t get to them, put a frickin’ TRO on me to futher ensure that I couldn’t have them. Oh, but he goes around telling everyone that I abandoned them, just like I knew he would. The kids didn’t even want to leave back to his house today, they never want to, but he goes around blabbing about how they never ask for me and don’t care about me. And people just eat that up. He’s the one out at all hours, even when the kids are with him, different girls in the house with my kids all the time (and I know this for a fact). And he talks about Karma and God with such passion (when he NEVER believed before and would laugh at anyone who did). But I do, and always have believed, and I know that everything will fall into place in due time :). And all that lovely info I have…well, I’ll just hold onto it for a rainy day ;).

(Posted 3hrs after writing!)

We’re all nice and fed and the kiddos are here in the living room sprawled either on the sofa, or on a pile of blankets and watching Tom and Jerry. It’s so NICE when they love each other and are quiet :P.

So it’s quite apparent that the whole “paper journal” thing isn’t working out. Well, it does sometimes, like when I’m incredibly frustrated/pissed off and I don’t feel like actually talking to anyone, heh. And although this entry *should* go in that journal…typing is just so much faster than writing!

I’m so glad I have the kids this weekend. It’s not actually my weekend, but I asked Mario to exchange since I have an event next Friday and Saturday (which was originally my weekend). (Gosh. I don’t know how I’m supposed to stay awake till after midnight both days during the event if I can’t even stay up past 8pm!!) If I didn’t have them this weekend, I’d be beside myself with boredom. I *hate* not having them :(.

If the kids weren’t here and keeping me busy I’d have way too much time to think about things. This weekend and possibly the next week are going to be quite monumental concerning my personal life. This next week determines everything (no, I’m not talking about Valentine’s Day LOL). I’m incredibly terrified that it’s going to be a repeat of November (oh, how I hate remembering that month >_< ) but I've been assured that that most definitely won't happen. I pray to GOD that it's true. I couldn't go through that again. I refuse to. (I jinxed it. Shortly after typing that part the kids all started fighting/screaming...in other words, all hell broke loose! They're all in bed and quiet again, thank goodness LOL!) It was an overall great day with the kiddos. We ate at their favorite, Taco Bell, Mom's treat, for lunch. We ran errands and then just chilled out the rest of the afternoon. I picked up my babe from work and dropped him off and that was really it. I really don't mind just NOT going anywhere. I just wanna be lazy at home, heh. I uploaded a few pics to Facebook and TRIED to come up with a concept for a new layout but it just wasn't happening. I'm surprised I still know how to get into my control panel LOL. Valentine's Day is Monday. I was told not to do anything, not to buy anything. Absolutely nothing. Which is weird to me, because it was always up to me what was going to happen in the past. And gifts were usually picked by his MOM. I'm excited for this Valentine's Day :). I hope he doesn't go too much out of his way. And even if we have a little date night like we did this past Wednesday, I'd be more than happy :). It was such a great day. Lunch at Subway. Starbucks and flatbread sandwiches from Target before we went to the movies to watch "The Dilemma". It was such a funny movie. And the night was completely drama-free! Doesn't happen often! We've had a lot of great days but Wednesday was really one of my favorite days in the past 6 months :). Ahhh...11:11 (make a wish!) and Emily's finally asleep. Gotta be up early to take the boys to CFF. I hope the weather's good tomorrow. I've been meaning to take them to the park. Let's hope the next time I update it's with good news :).

I’d love to go one day, JUST ONE FUCKING DAY, without bawling my fucking eyes out for some reason or another. Is that too much to ask?!!