Reunions & Road Trips

It’s officially been 20 years since I was supposed to graduate in the year 2000 (I graduated in 1999 so I could go to college early and what-not and then ended up a momma at 17). I didn’t attend the “official” reunion because most of the people that were attending were people that I didn’t even know.

Gina was going to be in town the 2nd week of October (she and her hubs live in New Orleans) so the girls and I made up our own mini-reunion. We invited classmates from McHi and Travis but in the end it ended up being just us, a couple of other girls (that I sadly don’t remember) and Lazaro and his girlfriend, Amanda. My kiddos were at their dad’s so this mama planned on finally not being an old lady, for once, and staying out passed 10pm!

We started off at The Quarter:

How cute were our shirts??

Then the party moved on to Cigar Bar, which I hadn’t been to since Sandra’s birthday last year, and before that, about 7 years ago!

(I’m sad that we didn’t reunite when I lost 20 lbs. in 2017-2018!! Hence the reason I’m trying to get back to Keto, but food is just my kryptonite!)

Speaking of, I wanted to stay 100% Keto, and I had succeeded so far during the evening–until the shots started being passed around like crazy. Having tons of shots and not having carbs for an extended period of time is not good at all! To make a long story short, Sally left, then Karina and her hubs left and I stayed with Martha and Gina and her hubs and Lazaro and Amanda. I couldn’t drive, so Gina was going to get me an Uber…and then we couldn’t remember my address 😆 . So I ended up staying at her house. You can imagine how livid Jorge was!! But I was safe, and no one drank and drove and we had an excellent time 🙂 .

Still, I was so shocked with myself that I decided to stay sober until it was time for our next reunion in November.

Magda was spearheading this one. It would be at Mariela’s house and we’d be celebrating Juan B.’s birthday at the same time.

The kiddos and I had a lazy Saturday:

Martha and I were the only 2 from our group that were going, originally. Then, when the day finally came around, she nor I wanted to attend. It was the introvert, yay-for-cancelled-plans, social anxiety-ridden person I’ve become rearing her head. Plus, Jorge was home, too, so I felt bad going. Karina and Sally were the ones who ended up convincing me to go. Like, they were literally here–waiting for me to make up my mind LOL. So Jorge stayed with the kiddos while we went for a couple of hours.

It was a little awkward for Sally and I, as we hadn’t spoken to most of the girls for a good amount of time, but it was nice seeing everyone. Paul, Juan B. and Carlos were there, too.

We chit-chatted, caught up, took photos, left at a decent hour and talked about life on the way home. Love my gals!!

Jorge and I were leaving to San Antonio Sunday morning and returning on Monday evening. Well–Jorge was bringing me back home and he would return to work Tuesday. They were having tons of changes at the last minute so he had to go back way sooner than we thought. Still, it was nice to take a road trip with him and spend almost the entire weekend together.

(This was around the time I began to tread into non-Keto country 🙄 )

Hubs sent me on an errand run to pick stuff up for his stores. Marshall’s was one of my stops and I ended up finding some chocolate covered cookies and Torani syrups!

SO not Keto…

Then it was time for us to drive home and the cold front was in full swing–cold, windy and rainy all the way. It was good to get home, shower and go to sleep!

Revelations

So. It’s been a while!

I’ve been lazy and missed writing about all of summer and now it’s a new school year and it’s almost Halloween…and guess what? I’m only writing because I need to whine and get things off my chest.

(You’ve been warned.)

I’ve been in a Debbie Downer type of mood as of late. And I joke about it, but it’s really affecting me and everyone around me…and I hate it.

Another thing I hate: to admit something’s wrong with me. Or so…I think something’s “wrong”. All I know is, I don’t feel “right”.

See. I know anxiety and depression runs in my family. It’s genetic; embedded in my DNA. Gramma Elia had it, Mom has it, John has it. But all my life–even as a kid when I was poor as fuck and had nothing–I was able to keep that shit at bay. When I was going through my divorce and custody battle and somedays felt like my life was ending I was–SOMEHOW–able to keep that shit at bay in public. But lately, everything makes me feel anxious. And sad. And I constantly feel like the rug is about to be pulled from under me in all aspects of my life.

I used to be so positive! I could brush shit off and go on with my life–and I didn’t dwell or think about things.

The last 2 years of working at the Chamber I’d get overwhelmed and upset, so I naturally pinned it on stress from my events. It never occurred to me that it could be anxiety. I took up Yoga, running, slept with a mouth guard on and even looked up mindfulness books–and it worked for the most part.

But now, when things aren’t bad, and my job isn’t stressful at all, and the kids are mostly independent and Jorge works so hard to provide for us and I’m not missing anything in my life I just feel so anxious ALL. THE. TIME. The tiniest thing will set me off and ruin my day: slow drivers, feeling bloated, someone being rude to me in the slightest (when I could easily just brush it off before), a bill I forgot to pay, friends not replying to a text, having to go grocery shopping. And don’t even get me started if all that shit happens in the same day! I’ll lose it!

And I *still* keep beating myself up for not starting school yet. I keep making excuses, then I beat myself up and the cycle continues.

I even recently had a breakdown at work because I was hormonal and all these little things kept building in my brain until I exploded. I even freaked Jorge out during lunch and cried in front of Jessica and later Neva at work. I was so embarrassed! And I couldn’t get a grip!

Maybe I need more endorphins! And to stop eating carbs! I recently started eating carbs and sugar again and I’m pretty sure that’s affecting me negatively–not only my mood but waistline! I don’t want to give all those people who said I’d regret doing Keto the satisfaction of being right!! So I need to start running again. Especially because the holidays and all the treats that come along with them are coming up and I don’t need to gain all the weight back that I managed to keep off for 1.5 years!

And also!! Writing here used to help with my anxiety TONS. I can’t count how many times I would start a post where I was depressed or upset or angry and half-way through I’d realize just putting it out there into the universe–even if nobody read it–I felt the weight lifting. And then I’d re-read what I posted and found that I didn’t need for anyone to read it at all. I was okay. I need to get back to that. Plus, it’s always nice to come back and “see” the happy times. Because most of the times ARE happy.

Anyway. I’m writing this in the truck as Jorge, Tony and I drive to San Antonio to pick some stuff up for Jorge. (More stress!!) Only us crazy asses would make a half-day trip that takes 4 hours to and 4 hours from at 1pm!