2019 – Everything’s the Same, but Everything Changed

I guess instead of updating weekly or even monthly, I’m going to do a bi-annual update. Or better yet: yearly. 🙄

I’ll probably go back and post a mass photo dump of birthdays, holidays and events–because I hate missing recording those moments here. But I guess a quick recap of the last year will have to suffice for this post.

We spent a lot of time going back and forth between home and San Antonio every other weekend. Well, I did–Jorge was already there, obviously. I’d usually go when we didn’t “have kids” and they were with the “other parents”.

Sometime before the holidays I stopped “Keto-ing” and screwed up my eating habits terribly. I’d go back to attempting to hop back on the low-carb train but it was to no avail–it seemed like my lack of willpower had completely derailed my Keto train and crashed into a firey wreckage. Needless to say, in the last 6 months I’ve packed on about 15-18 of the 20 lbs I’d lost and managed to maintain for 1.5 years while I was doing Keto. So disappointed in myself!

This also means that I’ve gone from running at least 3x a week to doing nothing. Which is pretty bad considering my awesome, super-low-key job is 95% sedentary.

I had attempted a “Run for 30 days” goal for myself in the month of December to counteract the sweets-binging that was happening since Halloween…only to injure myself 8 days into it because I was trying desperately to run an 11-minute mile 🙄 . So there went that.

I knew I needed to keep myself occupied–especially with Jorge away so much–otherwise my thoughts and anxiety would slip away from me and it was over.

So–the brilliant idea I came up with was I’d start school! I had finally ordered the assessment training book I’d need to review to take the mandatory placement exam I’d have to take to start school in the Spring/Fall, and I had my mind set: I was going to do this! Even if it meant graduating with my kids 😆 !

At the end of December, once I had mostly gotten over the sprain from the beginning of the month, I started running right after work and was really happy with my routine:

Drop girls off at school, go to work, eat lunch at work (it helps me focus on low-carbing), change into running clothes at work at 5pm, run, pick up HEB Curbside if I had to (Curbside and HEB Delivery are a GODSEND), get home and shower and make dinner, talk to Jorge on the phone, sleep.

It was a great week. (–Yes. I only got to keep my routine up for 1 week. I’ll get back to that shortly.)

Then comes the new year and I’m finally motivated enough to stick with my plan.

Sandra came over on January 4th to catch up and have cocktails. Jorge had invited Robert over after work for drinks too. As we’re sitting around, Justin calls Jorge about picking him up from his mom’s. Then their mom calls to tell Jorge to pick Justin up. They had just gone with the other parents the previous day, so we found that kind of peculiar. Jorge is going back and forth on texts with Justin and with their mom and finally, Justin decides he’s staying with his mom.

Cut to Saturday night, where Jorge and I are alone and had ordered take-out and were watching “Black Mirror: BANDERSNATCH”…till 2am! We kept “playing” over and over again to achieve the maximum happy ending…until we gave up lol.

We wake up at 9am on Sunday, January 6th to find missed calls from the boys at 5:30am. We panic and start calling and texting frantically until we finally get through to Jorgie and rush over to their mother’s apartment to pick them up. We didn’t know what to expect; all the other times we’d tried to pick the boys up when we “weren’t supposed to have them” there were always cops waiting.

Long story short: Jorgie and Justin have lived with us permanently ever since. Jorge was home for a few weeks and so the transition wasn’t anything drastic–yet. Then came time for Jorge to leave back to work and I needed to figure out driving schedules. When I told them how early we’d have to leave and how late I’d have to pick them up after work I was positive they’d change their mind entirely and say they wanted to go back to their mom’s. But, they didn’t. They were okay with the upcoming routine. I look from them to Jorge after the discussion and I say, “So, that’s it? They’re ours?? They’re gonna live here?” I give them both hugs and Jorgie says, “So I can call you Mom now??” I said, “Dude, I’ve always been your mom.”

(Just to clarify: I have never and won’t ever try to take the place of their biological mother. On the contrary, I’ve encouraged them to reach out to her, even now.)

When a few more weeks passed and they were still with us and I took them to pick up stuff from their mother’s after school, they put their white trash bags full of belongings into the back of car. As I got ready to drive off, realization hits me again and I say, “So this really is for real?” Justin looks over at me and says, “Gee, Yajaira, I thought this was for real.” I explained to him that it had happened before–they would get into it with their mom and stay with us and then she’d want them back. They said, “Nope. Not going back.”

It’s still surreal to me that after all the custody battles and years of trying to “get them”, just *poof*. All of a sudden, they live here.

Needless to say, my trips to San Antonio came to a standstill, since now we had the boys and it would get expensive lol. Instead, Jorge would come home–when then started taking a toll on him and his sleep schedule and work schedule. That, in turn, caused us to be at each other’s throats.

Since Jorge works away most of the week my schedule changed completely. I’d wake up an hour earlier to get the girls and Jorgie and Justin in the car and dropped the boys off by 7:15am (an hour and 45 minutes before they even had to be at school, poor things), then I’d drop the girls off by 7:35 to get to work by 7:55. It was tiring for everyone, but we had to make it work; there was no other way.

Same for the afternoons. I’d get out of work and instead of going to run or to buy groceries I’d go straight to pick the boys up. Again they’d have to wait for me for an hour and a half after they got out of school to be picked up.

We spent a lot of those first 2 months stopping by a place called Snowball Express–buying junkfood and sometimes completely forgoing dinner to have snacks. I wasn’t running or exercising at all. And I felt the difference from one day to the next–no joke!

That shit creeps up on ya!

I’d completely stopped low-carbing, and was much less sticking to the Keto diet. And it showed. Because my acne had ALSO made a comeback. Ugh.

Then, to top it off, my brain was going 100mph, non-stop and I’d begun clamping my jaw again from stress, which resulted in needing to use my mouth guard again. I hadn’t used a mouth guard since I left the Chamber!!

As I’d mentioned in my post from October 9, 2018, (my last “in-real-time post”) I was beginning to come to terms with the fact that my anxiety was taking a toll on my well-being. I had accepted it. But the little breakdowns at work (it’s happened 3 times) for absolutely no reason except that I was probably on my period and incredibly hormonal and someone slightly inconvenienced me–well, that shit needed to NOT HAPPEN.

So, in February, I went to the doctor because they needed to see me in order for me to get a refill on my acne topical medication. I told the doc about my acne problem and since it was a new doctor I’d never visited with before, I gave her some history. She asked about stress and I told her that I seriously didn’t have much to stress about–my job was the most chill job, ever–but it was perhaps all the free time that I had at my job that caused me to cycle thoughts in my head repeatedly. She asked what a day was like for me and I told her about the kids and how I recently became the boys’ primary parent, in essence, and about how I wanted to start school, too. I told her how my husband worked away from home most days–and then IT HAPPENED. I STARTED BAWLING FOR NO REASON. I pointed to my face and choked on a sobby-laugh and told her, “You see what I mean?? It just happens! She said, “What you described in 1 day is way more than one person can/should handle. And then you want to add school, which is great, but we need to get you to get to a good state first.” So, she prescribed anxiety medication–which I was adamant about staying away from for years, but I figured I’d give it a go. What’s the worse that could happen? I chill out? LOL

Cut to 6 months later and although I’m much more carefree about things (sometimes TOO carefree) I still stress out, just toned down about 80%. The one side effect that I’ve had the most trouble with is the 15 pound weight gain I’ve had. It’s depressing. The pill makes you lethargic, which in turn makes you want to sleep. That’s all I wanted to do at first. I had no energy so I became infatuated with Bang drinks (Frose Rose, Rainbow Unicorn, Cotton Candy and Georgia Peach Tea are my faves!) but they heighten my heart rate and anxiety, boo. The lethargy is also the reason I’ve stopped running and working out, plus the kids’ end-of-the-year stuff.

Alaethia and 2 of her besties (they call me mom ?). Alaethia was wearing one of my new dresses and heels!

I also recently, FINALLY, had a visit with a dermatologist to get to the bottom of my acne problem. She prescribed a brand new topical medication plus a new pill that I have to take at night with a snack. It’s also a diuretic. AND, I was trying to get back to Keto and was doing really good until she confirmed I needed to lay off the sugar and DAIRY if I want to make an actual, internal difference, not just on the surface. That about killed me. The only thing that was left to bring me joy was cheese and Halo Top/Enlightened ice cream–and now I couldn’t even have that!! Suddenly, my goals of being healthy and happy with a clear complexion weren’t looking too appealing! I seriously wanted to throw in the towel; but decided not to. I’ve just got to focus and get serious about it. It’s just incredibly frustrating that I KNOW what being on Keto does for you and I’m still expecting the same results as last time, which was an 8-lb weight loss in 2 weeks, but I keep sabotaging myself!. And the last time I was finally focused and was eating how I should (starting April 20th till I sabotaged myself after my dermatologist appointment) I had GAINED a pound in over a month!! BUT–I know I’m not being completely consistent because I’ll mess up during the weekend and then I have to start all over. Ugh.

Being an adult is hard.

But it’s also got its silver lining. My kids are becoming more independent! At the end of the school year Jaylen started driving and we’ll send him off for errands. And Justin is driving too now, so he was driving himself and Jorgie to and from school. That was pretty darn badass and a relief that last week of school lol. At least we have a solution to that now, thank goodness!

It’s always fun hanging out with the kids, too. Which is mostly what my evenings and weekends consist of these days. They’re my best little broke friends 😆 and they’re pretty darn awesome.

Also, John is a DAD NOW!! I finally have a baby to love on and buy things for ??. I just wish I could see them all the time ?!!

So there you have it, folks. It is now summer vacation and I must start some kind of worthy routine, which includes school. I need to do this for myself. NEED TO!!!

Thirty Six

I had one of thee best birthdays!!

But FIRST! Sally’s birthday is on the 13th 😀 ! We usually have an all-out lunch before both our birthdays (where we gorge and split the bill) but we hadn’t had a chance that week. She was having a get-together Friday night, so right after work, I got home and got ready to go to her “Let’s Taco’Bout It” Bash at The Quarter.

We had some laughs and caught up. I made friends with a good friend of Sally’s, Irene. Super sweet lady! I saw several familiar faces and met a few new ones :).

The band took forever to start (that, or I’m just old LOL.) Poor Jorge got home around 7:30pm, but he was tired so he opted to stay home. Sally and I hung around for a bit and I started yawning around 11pm 😆 , so I drove her home after a good Chisme-Fest.

The 14th is my birthday! This is honestly the first year in my 30’s that I didn’t dread adding another year to my life. Up until last year, I just felt like I was getting older and looking the part, but I felt pretty damn fantastic this year! (Thank you: Keto 😆 )

Poor Sally had to work in the morning; originally she was my date to the Selena Brunch. Anyone who knows me knows I ADORE Selena and anything Selena-related–especially if it’s at Suerte Bar & Grill!

[Sidenote: I literally play Selena daily–the entire month of April (much to my family’s chagrin 😆 ) since it’s the month of Selena’s and my birthdays.]

The first (and only) time Jorge and I had tried to go to a brunch at Suerte it was PACKED. So we learned to arrive early. We arrived a whole hour early…and had to wait a little to go in, ha. So we took some photo ops:

(It’s funny!! Calm down…)

We sat at our usual table, near the awesome piano-ofrenda.

I took a photo of this wonderful man, whom I was super grateful to for granting the only wish I had for my birthday: attend the Selena brunch 😆 .

We perused the menu:

And I KNEW nothing on the menu was Keto-friendly, but it was my damn birthday, darnit! And I was going to enjoy it, guilt-free!

Close up of them sweets:

Jorge asked if I liked the concha and the marshmallow, to which I replied, “They taste…purple.” They totally did; they were airbrushed. But I ate them anyway!

We finished up and went to visit the family at Rebecca’s, a cabrito restaurant (Jorge and I only had some Mexican diet Cokes since we were still stuffed). Dina and Javi had come down to bring Grandma some equipment and it was great to have them over for my birthday! We would be meeting for dinner later in the evening.

We left for the mall next. Just as I suspected, Jorge took me to Pandora 😀 ! He knew I wanted a new charm that came in, so he got me 4!

I love them!!

Jaylen was at a chess meet so we scooped him up and then headed to the house. Jorge stayed at home, but Jaylen, Mom and I took off to pick up the other kiddos at their dad’s. It never fails–the kids are always with the other parents on my birthday 🙁 . So I have to borrow them for a little bit.

We celebrated at Rolling With Cream. They have an awesome sugar-free base, so Mom and I were set!

Loved getting to spend time with my babies! They always want to hear stories lol.

I took them back to their dad’s, and when I got home there were balloons! Jorge stayed behind to order some and he stuffed them into the car. Such a sweetheart, I swear!

We took off at 6pm for dinner. I didn’t know the location of our destination, and was rather confused when we were driving South on 10th St. But he drove into Tony Roma’s and I was way too excited to have ribs!!

Jorge tells me to wait in the car and takes the balloons with him. I can’t help but wonder what he’s up to. He comes back for me and the host ushers us to the back room. (The same room the Chamber had my farewell lunch at.) He says he has a surprise…and there are Sally and the kids!

I was so happy to see her!! It was such a great surprise!! But there was more!! My in-laws arrive next and then stroll in Linda and Tommy! I was so surprised to see them I gasp, “Whhaaaattt??” And go to them to hug them.

Of course Linda hands me a gift in a penis-shaped bag 😆 !!

We ordered starters and drinks and chatted and had a great time.

And then our food came:

We continued to talk and chat and the family bonded and suddenly they dim the lights. It takes me a bit to understand what’s going on and then waiters are singing “Happy Birthday!” and bringing in a cake in single file. Sally ordered it, and it was a delicious mostachon!

She giggled when I blew out the candles and plucked out the Princess topper, saying, “That doesn’t go there!” 😆

I’ve never had a surprise party in my life!! It was so wonderful of Jorge and Sally to put it together!! They’re both just too wonderful to me, and I’m so blessed to have them in my life!

Once we were done I thanked everyone for everything. Jorge and I went home, and I opened my gifts:

Then, we ended the night doing one of my faves: snuggling on the couch in my blanket with one of my shows. And passed out immediately 😆 .

The birthday celebrations followed the day after! Sally and I went to get mani-pedis. The shop is across the street from my work so this would be convenient if I ended up liking it (and the price). I’m a cheapskate, and could think of better things to do with that money, but the idea of having cute, unchipped nails for 2 weeks sounded fantastic! Plus, my Mama-in-law gifted me birthday money!

Sally and I walk in and start ooh’ing and ahh’ing over the colors. I got a little anxiety-stricken when the lady came to ask what colors I wanted–I WAS STILL DECIDING!! But she was ready to go so I panicked and picked something safe: bubblegum pink and gold glitter on the ring finger.

I was semi-mortified about getting a pedi…my feet aren’t exactly the most feminine…

I was surprised she didn’t have to bust out a sandblaster, to be honest >_<… I don’t take nearly enough time to pamper myself (because I’m a cheapskate), and you could totally tell.

But, anyway, we got hot-stone leg massages and just chatted the whole time. It was such a great experience and something I can definitely get used to!

A couple of days later my boss treated me to lunch at Yoko’s Sushi. I got my usual riceless Yume. SO delicious!

Still can’t believe what a great birthday weekend it was! Planning on making Year 36 a successful and productive one. I’ve got many goals I want to crush–I just need to stop being afraid of failing so I can get it done!