Revelations

So. It’s been a while!

I’ve been lazy and missed writing about all of summer and now it’s a new school year and it’s almost Halloween…and guess what? I’m only writing because I need to whine and get things off my chest.

(You’ve been warned.)

I’ve been in a Debbie Downer type of mood as of late. And I joke about it, but it’s really affecting me and everyone around me…and I hate it.

Another thing I hate: to admit something’s wrong with me. Or so…I think something’s “wrong”. All I know is, I don’t feel “right”.

See. I know anxiety and depression runs in my family. It’s genetic; embedded in my DNA. Gramma Elia had it, Mom has it, John has it. But all my life–even as a kid when I was poor as fuck and had nothing–I was able to keep that shit at bay. When I was going through my divorce and custody battle I was–SOMEHOW–able to keep that shit at bay. But lately, everything makes me feel anxious. And sad. And I constantly feel like the rug is about to be pulled from under me in all aspects of my life.

I used to be so positive! I could brush shit off and go on with my life–and I didn’t dwell or think about it.

The last 2 years when I worked at the Chamber and I’d get overwhelmed and upset, I pinned it on stress from my events. It never occurred to me that it could be anxiety. I took up Yoga, running and even looked up mindfulness books–and it worked for the most part.

But now, even when things aren’t that bad, and my job isn’t stressful, and the kids are mostly independent and Jorge works so hard to provide for us and I’m not missing anything in my life I just feel so anxious ALL. THE. TIME. The tiniest thing will set me off and ruin my day: slow drivers, feeling bloated, someone being rude to me in the slightest (when I could easily just brush it off before), a bill I forgot to pay, having to go grocery shopping. And don’t even get me started if all that shit happens in the same day! I’ll lose it!

And I *still* keep beating myself up for not starting school yet. I keep making excuses, then I beat myself up and the cycle continues.

I even recently had a breakdown at work because I was hormonal and all these little things kept building in my brain until I exploded. I even freaked Jorge out during lunch and cried in front of Jessica and later Neva at work. I was so embarrassed! And I couldn’t get a grip!

Maybe I need more endorphins! And to stop eating carbs! I recently started eating carbs and sugar again and I’m pretty sure that’s affecting me negatively–not only my mood but waistline! I don’t want to give all those people who said I’d regret doing Keto the satisfaction of being right!! So I need to start running again. Especially because the holidays and all the treats that come along with them are coming up and I don’t need to gain all the weight back that I managed to keep off for 1.5 years!

And also!! Writing here used to help with my anxiety TONS. I can’t count how many times I would start a post where I was depressed or upset or angry and half-way through I’d realize just putting it out there into the universe–even if nobody read it–I felt the weight lifting. And then I’d re-read what I posted and found that I didn’t need for anyone to read it at all. I was okay. I need to get back to that. Plus, it’s always nice to come back and “see” the happy times. Because most of the times ARE happy.

Anyway. I’m writing this in the truck as Jorge, Tony and I drive to San Antonio to pick some stuff up for Jorge. (More stress!!) Only us crazy asses would make a half-day trip that takes 4 hours to and 4 hours from at 1pm!

St. Patrick’s Day Weekend Trip to San Antonio

I didn’t think I’d get to go on a weekend trip with my hubby so soon after he started his new job, but I did! It happened to fall on a weekend the kiddos were with the other parents so it was a last-minute thing for me. I got out of work on Friday and went grocery shopping for Mom so she’d be prepared during the weekend. Right after I got home and unloaded the truck I left to Infusions to meet Gerry for some catching up and gossip 😆 !

Sandia Lollipop
Shrimp Pasta

Gerry and I shared this beautiful plate. I only ate a little teensy pasta :D.

We finished catching up on each of our goings-on and then I went home. Jorge and I watched a little bit of TV before I–as usual–passed out on the sofa 😆 .

The next day, we got ready calmly and slowly. When we were all packed, we went to Rodeo to grab some food. It was an insane line, as usual, so there was a bit of a wait. We got some seats and our food was finally ready. I ordered Menudo and water–super Keto!

Alaethia saw it on Snapchat as soon as I posted it and she sends me a message that says, “????” LOL I told her they’d join us on the next one.

Unfortunately my menudo was extremely spicy, so I passed it on to the hubs. Even HE said it was spicy so we left it there and he picked me up a taco.

And then my truck got a bath:

Unicorn Pee??

And then finally, we were on our way! We laughed and blasted music–I took over the playlist when he had his weird music on repeat. I turned on our Amazon Music and Jordan Davis – Singles You Up came on. He said, “This was me looking at you, baby!” I love this man :D! I can’t believe I hadn’t heard that song!

We had some Keto snacks:

And I took a selfie to commemorate St. Patrick’s Day. I was ready in green!

When we got close to San Antonio I Google-Mapped our destination and then we arrived: for lunch at Wing Stop!

My love had a meeting (the whole reason for the trip) and when he was done we checked in at the hotel. We were seriously lucky to find a room during St. Patrick’s Day weekend!

As we’re unloading our things we notice the Bow Tie Chevy Emblem is missing from my car. We immediately think someone jacked it…but then we remember the lovely car wash. It must have knocked it off! But fear not–Jorge was already on eBay ordering a new one LOL.

We lazied around and watched TV for a while. Then we freshened up to go to the River Walk and get a bite to eat.

There we people EVERYWHERE! There was some Tejano/Conjunto type of event going on and people in lawn chairs with all sorts of clover accessories littered the streets. We finally found a parking lot (that was of course charging for parking!) and were literally across the street from the Hard Rock Cafe. The last time we ate there was in 2013 before “The Cowboy Rides Away” George Strait concert. Darn old man. I’ll never forget how expensive those tickets were because we thought the old geezer was going to retire! I do believe he’s still going strong! But…it was a wonderful concert and we’d had a wonderful weekend!

Anyway, my mind is wandering again. So we walk across, making sure to avoid being pummeled by the beautiful Clydesdales pulling carriages. I’m Ooohing and Awwwing and snapping photos as we pass. We get into the restaurant, which is obviously packed. They send us up a flight of stairs to get to another host and we’re lead to the wrong side, so people are cutting in front of us. My anxiety is already slowly rising. There’s an hour wait. So we head to the bar and BOOM, we find 2 seats!

The background wasn’t the most aesthetic, but it had to do.

This was supposed to be our appetizer!

My plate.
Jorge’s plate.
Shots

Needless to say, I was stuffed and packed about half my salmon and sides to go. The bartenders were hilarious and making conversation with us. We had a really good time 🙂 .

My St. Patrick’s Day pins; finally wore them after storing them for 8 years!

When we’re ready, we leave the restaurant and decide to take a stroll through the River Walk.

The only time I’d ever been there before was when we’d eaten at Hard Rock in 2013, but hadn’t really explored. So really, this was my first time exploring the River Walk that I can remember. The water was dyed green for St. Patrick’s Day and there were lots of people around, naturally. We were going to take a ride on one of the boats floating the river, but the line seemed never-ending so Jorge got us a carriage instead!

It was such a beautiful evening; it was fresh and clear. I had a cheesy smile plastered on my face and told Jorge, “I’ve always wanted to go on a carriage ride!” He said, “I know, that’s why I wanted to bring you on one.” People waved as we passed and a girl yelled, “You better propose!” We laughed and Jorge said, “Way ahead of you!”

We were dropped off right in front of our car and had an easy time getting out of the parking lot considering how many people were out and about. We stopped at a gas station for some waters (and a 6-pk. for Jorge lol) and I found these!

Jorge and I split them, and it wasn’t long after that I passed out. I slept so well!

We woke up the next morning and showered, then watched Golden Girls as we packed. We checked out and made our way to La Madeleine, a quaint French cafe. Jorge and his partner had had breakfast there the week before and he said he had to take me because he knew I’d love it. And love it, I did!

Looking sleepy!

Jorge asked if I wanted pastries but I was so full I declined. NEXT TIME FOR SURE. I mean, look at this!

I’d been asking to go to Trader Joe’s to get some Everything But the Bagel Seasoning that so many people on my Keto Instagram swear by, and my babe took me :). I found those AND my favorite One Bars.

(I’ve been obsesssed with that seasoning on my cream cheese eggs ever since!)

Next we drove to the outlets in San Marcos to find Jorge some work boots and meet up with Dinah, Briana, Javi and the kiddos for lunch 😀 .

I had a maximum allowance of 2 stores to visit -_- and ended up buying lotion and tees for the girls from Justice lol. Totally forgot I wanted new shoes!

We went to get Jorge’s boots next and meet up with the family. Briana and I tried on boots and Mia showed me all her cool Riverdale stuff. I kinda got her hooked on it LOL.

We had an awesome lunch at The Outback:

And then it was time to say see you later to the family 😥 . Time goes way too fast!

It was back to co-pilot duties for me on the way home. Jorge is the best and–when I told him I wanted photos of bluebonnets–he stopped at every patch to make it possible. We even found some other scenic areas. I just love that man!!

This is my current wallpaper on my phone.

It was such a great time. I can’t wait to go back!!