Breathe, Just Breathe

You know what just blows my mind? Finding out that a couple’s broken up. Usually it’s shocking when you find out that a couple that’s been dating for what seems like forever’s parted ways, but it’s even moreso when it’s a couple that’s been married for a while. It’s so sad–they go into a marriage expecting to live happily ever after–they make elaborate plans for a wedding, buy a house, have children and then they just grow apart for some reason or another. It must feel like their world’s crumbling apart around them. I know I’d feel like that. I worry about the little fights that Mario and I seem to be getting into more often now. We’ve been together for 7 mostly-happy years–we do and have had our moments but we’ve always come through. These fights and arguments though…is that how it starts? Is that how a blissful marriage falls apart?

It worries me. A lot. I’m always stressed and I feel like I’m at my wit’s end most of the time and take my frustrations out on the kids or Mario. I don’t hit anyone or anything–don’t get me wrong–but I do yell and lose my temper and then I feel like an asshole for it. If I don’t have it now, I bet I’ll get high blood pressure and that sucks. Then, the smallest thing sets me off when I’m around Mario. I try not to be over-sensitive or moody, but it’s really hard not to be when it seems like he prods at me on purpose. I try ignoring him and then he comes out with something like, “Well since you’re going to be like that…” He always has something to do after work (like tonight, he’s dropping Jorge off–again) so I don’t even get a chance to see him. Most of the time I stay up an hour or two later just to spend a bit of time with him. I remember this, the lack of quality time, and it starts an argument all over again. And usually my feelings aren’t valid because I’m “bitching”. It’s just frustrating. I’ve been re-evaluating this whole Baby Thing and the cons are starting to out-weigh the pros.

I don’t spend enough time with the kids because I always have something to do. Tonight, I’m setting the ironing board and the dishes aside and reading them a few books we got at the Book Fair at Eenan’s school.

I need to learn to just breathe and relax.

on Saturday, April 8th, Jessica said:

Hey girl. I agree w/ what Victoria said. There’ve been times in my life where I just didn’t think we were going to make it… but we have so far… mainly because we both started really trying to work together on things and help each other out – not only w/ chores, but getting on the same page emotional and mentally as well. Try not to worry so much about it. Just work on it w/ Mario – let him take care of the kids or get a babysitter and do something just for you on a weekly basis. You guys will make it – let God take care of the major parts and everything will work out okay. <3 <3 <3. What books did you get at the book fair???

on Thursday, April 6th, Erin said:

Aww! It’s completely normal to react in that way to your loved ones. I don’t have any experience with fighting in context to a partner or a spouse but I know that my roommate and I have been tearing each other a new one with increasing frequency this year. It’s ALWAYS the little things. Stress definitely doesn’t help but I know you guys can work through it because throughout your lives, you’ve done so much together already. I think it’s incredibly admirable that you are able to have such an amazing, fresh, and affectionate relationship with your husband that continues strongly today with long hours and the frustrations that come with the charming hyper-ness and mischief of 2 little boys. 🙂 I’m going to echo what April said…You definitely deserve a break, a rest, and a breather. 🙂 xox!

on Thursday, April 6th, orchid@gmail.com“>Rachel said:

xx

on Tuesday, April 4th, Tara said:

Why does Vic always have the best advice? 🙂

I hear ya on never having time for each other or anything for that matter…

on Tuesday, April 4th, Victoria said:

I’m not going to pretend I’m above fighting with Richy, ’cause I’m not at all, but a lot of our fighting has been eliminated because we got on the same page about things, and talked to each other. I sense you’re really resentful that he seems to get to do things without the kids a lot, and your work just never seems to be done. That is a HUGE thing for moms. And it’s not the way things are supposed to be. I don’t know how Mario is, but the only way you can be heard is if you talk to him, not yell or bitch. Say “tonight after the boys are in bed (or whatever) I really need to talk to you.” And if that doesn’t work, write him a letter. The best way to word things in either case is to leave out “You always” and “you never” and “you make me feel…” No one can make you feel a certain way, you choose to feel that way. Know what I mean? Those 3 phrases seem to put people on the defensive. But you’ve got to make your feelings known in a positive way, otherwise, yeah, your marriage will grow into an unhappy one because you’re unhappy in it, and he doesn’t “get” why. *hugs* good luck to you.

on Tuesday, April 4th, kitty said:

girl, you are not alone! I am like that, too.. I don’t know but sometimes I get a really bad temper and I pour it all over Jon.. poor Jon he hee 🙂 I guess that’s really normal.. for me that is, or maybe becoz of stress or something it really depends.. so yeah, relax a lil.. that’s what we need.. breathe…