I’m going to regret this tomorrow morning…staying up this late. Like I have every other night this week. I’m really tired, but I don’t feel sleepy. Blah, anyway.
Tomorrow’s going to suck I think. We didn’t get to buy the kids fireworks this year, Mario’s probably going to get out of work late (as always–but it’s not his fault ), Mom probably won’t get to come over, hopefully Mario won’t forget to pick John up…yeah, it’ll be boring. At least last year Mom was here and we popped fireworks with the kids and drank Bailey’s Milkshakes with Mary. I don’t even think we have ice cream!
I was bored as heck today without John here (yes douchebag, even though you get on my nerves at times, I enjoy your company…now, never speak of this again…). He went with Mom to the Social Security office. I hope, hope, hope she qualifies for SSI, or whatever it’s called. Disability? I mean, if they can help Alicia (that old bat Dad had been with) and they can help Tia Zoila, who have absolutely nothing wrong with them but the lazy gene, then they can help Mother. I’m just praying they will. She shouldn’t be working anymore. That’s the reason her diabetes is always on the fritz…they don’t give her a break since she only works 5-6 hours! Diabetics need to eat all three, or 5 small, meals a day!
So, since I was bored I decided to mess around with Google and search for stuff. It occured to me to search for ‘Rio Grande Valley’ and ‘McAllen’. It surprises me that out of all the people that live around here, I’ve only met two (very lovely) ladies from the Valley. Where is everyone? There’s got to be other bloggers out there. It’s just weird to me since the Valley’s so big. Maybe there are, and they’re just not in search engines?
All that got me thinking about my old friends *sigh*. What I’d give to have a little reunion. I have no idea what’s going on in Vero’s, Sally’s, Jessica’s, Angie’s, Dayse’s or anyone else’s lives. The last I heard was from Angie last March…only because I ran into her at Wal-Mart and she invited me to her wedding, which was a week later. I cracked a smile after hearing her say that because it broke my heart I wasn’t even properly invited. I’d known that girl since 1st grade . I’ve–well, not so much me, but my mother-in-law–has had the same phone number forever…she could have at least called me to let me know. I mean, I invited her to my wedding…not that she showed up . She asked, “You have my number, right?”, after telling me about the wedding. I nodded yes (she’s had the same one since we were in 1st grade) and told her I’d call her. I didn’t. I couldn’t get myself to. I felt so hurt by it all, call me a drama queen if you will.
I remember being in 3rd or 5th grade and we were in the lunch line. We were laughing like crazy and I don’t remember exactly what we were talking about, but I do remember clearly telling her she’d be my kids’ Godmother when we grew up. It really, truly sucks that she isn’t .
A similar thing happened when Vero was going to have her baby. They called me that same morning before I went into work to let me know she was having a baby shower. Of course I couldn’t make it, but I wanted to so badly! I almost skipped work to go. Instead, I got her some gifts and we dropped them off later. I remember getting tears in my eyes and actually sobbing when I saw her little girl in her arms. I felt so happy for her. But I didn’t even know her boyfriend. I didn’t even know her anymore. I felt so odd standing there with the gift bag and felt almost silly to be crying over this stranger and her child. I’ve known her since Pre-K. What really put the dagger into my chest was that Sally was the one throwing the baby shower for her (I’ve known Sally since Pre-K, too). I felt so alienated…and so jealous that they still had this strong friendship and I was just this girl they barely remembered at the last minute and decided to call for the heck of it. I don’t think she ever really got over our “problem” from 7th grade. It hurts to know I hurt her so badly that she may have hated me all those years after that. Maybe she thinks about me now and still resents me? That’s what hurts most of all.
As for Jessica, we kept in touch every so often. She’d even come sleep over before she had Danielle and her and her husband were having problems. We were “the twins” because we looked so much alike (though I always thought she was much more attractive), were the exact same height (short!), wore the same thing without knowing sometimes, and were inseperable. Until 8th grade and Coral came along. But that’s a whole other blog entry .
I know for a while Jessica didn’t like me, for reasons I don’t even know about, when we were in middle school. Maybe around 7th grade even. Maybe influenced by Coral and her hatred for me. I really don’t know why she hated me so much. People said she was jealous, though she had no reason to be. I believe it now due to the fact that she (Coral) tried to ruin every relationship I had in 9th grade when I still lived in McAllen. But Jessica and I kept in touch in high school since she went to a different one than the rest of us and kept in touch even more after high school. I miss her the most I think. I remember we lost touch after I had Jaylen. Then I called her up again one day when I was about to ‘pop’ with him and we started talking again. Then, she was going to have another baby, another baby girl. She called one day and asked if she could buy my maternity clothes off of me and I appologetically declined because most had just barely been bought for me by Mom and Mary in my last trimester and I didn’t think it would be too nice to get rid of everything for about $100. (These were after all, Motherhood and Mothertime clothes, which aren’t very cheap ). I think I spoke to her once after that. I really hope we just lost touch because of our busy lives and not because I wouldn’t sell her maternity clothes. As I’ve mentioned before…I just wish I had a crystal ball where I can see how everyone’s doing. Not so much get in contact with them again, because, based on past experiences, I know it’ll be a one-sided thing where I’ll be the only one making an effort. But I just want to see how everyone’s doing. It’s quite sad I haven’t heard from Dayse since 10th grade. I wish I knew how Pete, Lazaro, Freddy, Roy, Paul, how they’re all doing too.
It just sucks that I lost all those friendships. Out of all the friendships/aquaintances I made after leaving McAllen, none were as special as the ones I had with my childhood friends. None felt the same. I could never really trust anyone. Possibly one of the reasons I clung to Mario so much when I’d moved to Mission…because he understood me and actually cared about me. Whoo…I think I need to get to bed. I’m getting all choked up and am revealing too much information LOL. I feel silly now. But I’ve typed too damn much to close the window.
*sigh* I really need that crystal ball…
on Sunday, January 2nd, Lou said:
aww 🙁 that’s aweful. I can’t say that i know what you mean because i’m only 15, but i hope you feel better about it soon!
Anyways, happy new year XD your hello kitty skin is so cute ^_^
on Friday, December 31st, Rachel said:
*hug* I hate losing friends too. I wish soooo much I was still close to Amanda, Melissa, etc…at least I got to talk for quite a while to Natalie the other day (though it was at Dad’s funeral, so not the happiest situation – still it was nice). I hope to at least get back in touch with all my bestest friends and then stay that way!!
on Friday, December 31st, Vic said:
I hate growing up and growing apart 🙁
on Friday, December 31st, Ana said:
girl I know exactly how you feel after i got pregnant I lost contact with ALL my friends except, one but we dont talk all that much since she left to the navy, It justs sucks when you think how cool it would be to have all your friends in your adult life, remember all the silly stuf thhat you used to do and what not, but hey as long as youre thinking of them its likely they thing of you too 🙂
on Friday, December 31st, Sarie said:
Yack, I’ve been staying up until like 3 am the past few days. Not cool considering I have school this comming Monday:( ..Well Happy New Yr sweetie!! Wish you the best year ever! 😀
on Friday, December 31st, Johanna said:
Hey I know how you feel about not having those old friends anymore. Our lives just changed so quickly that we just don’t know them anymore. It’s so sad. I have my old friends online but they have their own college lives and things to do. They have sorority parties and so many other things that they do that I wish I could be doing. But I don’t think we would trade any of our children for that. It just sucks not having those nice friendships again! 😥
on Friday, December 31st, firstname.lastname@example.org“>Stephanie said:
Wow, that’s really sad. 🙁 But if they don’t keep in contact, that’s their own stupid faults for losing a friend like you! Don’t feel bad about it. Although I know you can’t help it…
I had a best friend from kindergarden to the eigth grade, and then she became “too cool” for me. She wasn’t mean or anything, she just slowly phased me out if her life. I tried holding on, but realized I didn’t want a friendship where it’s only me who wants to be friends. It still hurts now to think about, and thinking that she thought I wasn’t good enough or fun enough to hang around with anymore. a
But I’ve had good experiences too, like my one of my good friends who lived across the street from me movd to Scotland, and while we don’t talk a whole lot, we send each other an e-mail every now and then, and she comes here every summer & we hang out.
Anyway don’t feel bad, & have a great New Years! Hopefully it will be alright.
on Friday, December 31st, tara said:
i’m glad you decided to share! i’ve had similiar experiences esp me being the only one trying to k.i.t.
have you heard of classmates.com? they might have some info on these people w/o actually having to contact them. take care <333