My Everlasting Woes

I should have known my concerns over who’d watch Jaylen in certain situations would come back to haunt me. Tomorrow, for example, John needs to go into Eenan’s school at 8am to observe 3 classes for his substitute teacher course. He (nor I) hadn’t thought of who’d watch Jaylen when John needed to get stuff like this done. Mario ended up having to trade his day off (Friday) with another guy to get tomorrow off.

I don’t want to discourage John, or stop him from doing something good for himself but I still wish he’d told me he was going to want to go to school when I was first making arrangements back in July. I could have just put Jaylen into Head Start, whether I liked it or not (I still don’t trust those people to watch my kid). Now it’s too late and we probably don’t even qualify (our income’s “too high”, ha!).

I had my hopes set on Mary’s empty apartment staying, well, empty, and mom moving in there if they ever accepted us into the CCMS program (and then we could try and get her into housing and John wouldn’t have to sleep on our uncomfortable futon–he could move back in with Mom). Well, I called CCMS today and the lady told me something about a manual list, so she’d get back to me. I gave her my cell number and she called while I was picking Eenan up. She said she had to put me into the system since I was on a written waiting list. I thought, ‘What? Didn’t they tell me 2 months ago I was added to the system?’ I asked her when I should call back and she said in another month. WTF? I’m going to be done with school by the time they decide to help me!

By the time I do get Mom into that program (again, IF we qualify–they asked if we received food stamps and TANF and we don’t, blah) Mary’s apartment will probably already be rented out to someone else.

Another thing that makes my stomach flip everytime I think about it is next year. What am I going to do when I start working after I graduate? I DO plan to work as soon as I graduate, since they help with job placement and all. What if Jaylen doesn’t qualify to get into Pre-K? If he doesn’t qualify for Pre-K, then he definitely won’t qualify for Head Start. Who will watch him? And if he does go to Pre-K, it’s only half a day, who will stay with him or pick him up? I try not to think of these things because I worry myself into a headache, but it’s inevitable. I have to think of it sometime and it’s just depressing. I hate to think I won’t be able to continue with my career because it seems that nobody (meaning the government or state programs) want to help us out! There’s no one in my family who can help us because everyone works or goes to school. All we need is just a little help to get us both on our feet.

Dreams of my little home just keep slipping further and further out of my grasp . That’s what I get for thinking ahead and making plans.

I hate to sound all depressing and pessimistic, but it gets really, really hard sometimes.

One of the only good things to happen today was that we got our Form Exams back and I got a hundred on it. Mrs. C-R usually leaves a nice note on our papers (like “Great job! Awesome job!”) and today she left:

Yajaira,
Awesome work! Keep it up! You have a lot of potential :)!

I felt giddy and I could feel my face beaming the rest of the day.

Oh, and Mario and I realized people still find us attractive, other than ourselves LOL. A guy at school makes it a point to catch my attention at least once a day (I really don’t think he knows I’m married, happily at that) and Mario was told that a girl that used to work with him was apparently “totally crazy about him”. When he slipped into bed beside me last night and laid on my shoulder to cuddle before we fell asleep, we discussed that I need to keep him locked in the bathroom, to keep women away from him. He didn’t think it was such a good idea .

I guess that’s it. I should get started on dinner, it’s getting late.

on Saturday, October 8th, Johanna Rios said:

Aw I hope that the childcare situation works out fine for you. We had to settle for daycare and it is so expensive. It may be more over there. We pay $75 a week and it is a pain, but we couldn’t live without it! I don’t trust many people with Frederick either but he seems to like his current daycare. He would cry so much at the other fancy one in Mcallen. It was just all glitz and glamour but they wouldn’t take care of them so well. I hope everything works out for you all! Take care!

on Wednesday, October 5th, Vic said:

The childcare situation will work out by next year, I bet. Things change. I dont know if one of the acronyms you posted had anything to do with childcare assistance, but the government offers that. Florida’s waiting list is 50 miles long, but apply now and maybe next year they can help right? Who knows though? Maybe you’ll run into a friend who babysits or a job you take might have a childcare set up in the building. Or maybe he’ll get into PreK anyway. Or the job you get will be fulltime and well paying enough that you can afford some daycare (of your liking and choice). It’ll only be for a year until Jaylen’s in Kindergarten right? So your pay will mostly suck only for a year. Yeah! That’s positive thinking LOL xoxo it’s gonna work out. I worry incessantly before I need to and then when it gets down to it, I have usually worried for nothing. And AWWW @ you and Mario. Richy will say, “She’s sweatin’ me” if we pass someone he thinks is looking at him . Dork. If someone checks me out I’ll say, “WTF are you lookin’ at?” ROFL Richy will say, “umm…he was looking at ME.” The man needs help.

on Tuesday, October 4th, Rachel said:

Hey. I feel like I wish I could help you out with babysitting!

Hope (+pray) stuff falls into place.

on Tuesday, October 4th, Lauren said:

awwwe yes! i love getting positive feedback like that! it makes you feel soooo good, like you’re actually getting somewhere! also, try not to get too worried about working after you graduate yet. things will fall into place. =]