Category: Daily

You know what just blows my mind? Finding out that a couple’s broken up. Usually it’s shocking when you find out that a couple that’s been dating for what seems like forever’s parted ways, but it’s even moreso when it’s a couple that’s been married for a while. It’s so sad–they go into a marriage expecting to live happily ever after–they make elaborate plans for a wedding, buy a house, have children and then they just grow apart for some reason or another. It must feel like their world’s crumbling apart around them. I know I’d feel like that. I worry about the little fights that Mario and I seem to be getting into more often now. We’ve been together for 7 mostly-happy years–we do and have had our moments but we’ve always come through. These fights and arguments though…is that how it starts? Is that how a blissful marriage falls apart?

It worries me. A lot. I’m always stressed and I feel like I’m at my wit’s end most of the time and take my frustrations out on the kids or Mario. I don’t hit anyone or anything–don’t get me wrong–but I do yell and lose my temper and then I feel like an asshole for it. If I don’t have it now, I bet I’ll get high blood pressure and that sucks. Then, the smallest thing sets me off when I’m around Mario. I try not to be over-sensitive or moody, but it’s really hard not to be when it seems like he prods at me on purpose. I try ignoring him and then he comes out with something like, “Well since you’re going to be like that…” He always has something to do after work (like tonight, he’s dropping Jorge off–again) so I don’t even get a chance to see him. Most of the time I stay up an hour or two later just to spend a bit of time with him. I remember this, the lack of quality time, and it starts an argument all over again. And usually my feelings aren’t valid because I’m “bitching”. It’s just frustrating. I’ve been re-evaluating this whole Baby Thing and the cons are starting to out-weigh the pros.

I don’t spend enough time with the kids because I always have something to do. Tonight, I’m setting the ironing board and the dishes aside and reading them a few books we got at the Book Fair at Eenan’s school.

I need to learn to just breathe and relax.

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Since we’re working on a website for our class (Computer Concepts) and I already have mine done I’m updating. The darn internet at home is still all wonky due to signal failure (according to the Level 3 Technician I spoke to yesterday). They’re supposed to stop by the house on Sunday morning to fix it. Grr.

Anyway, we attended Arturo’s funeral on Wednesday afternoon. I picked Eenan up from school and arrived just in time to help Mario find his clothes (what would he do without me?) and then Mom, Big Mario, Mary, Mario and I left to Rio Grande. Thankfully, John stayed with the kids.

The priest said nice things, although I noticed he kept talking about things that weren’t really relevant to Arturo. It was so sad. My father-in-law cried–it was probably a mixture of that and that it hadn’t really hit him yet that made Mario cry. I kept swallowing down the lump in my throat and blinking back the tears. When we got to the burial in El Sauz, however, I lost all control when we put a handful of pretty flowers on his tiny casket. His casket was about a foot wide, a foot long, and about 8 inches deep. All that was left of him was enough to fill that little box, so that’s why they got that size casket. We went to their ranch for one last Rosario and then went home.

So far, all we’ve heard is that his death was related to the time he testified in court against drug traffikers. They didn’t do anything back then because it would be obvious so I’m assuming that’s why they did it now. I just hope they find those people and that they pay well for it.

John started school on Wednesday and so far he likes it. He keeps whispering “Vish” to me and constantly makes me laugh at the most inappropriate times, but it’s cool having him there. It would have been awesome if he’d gotten the chance to start at the same time that I did so that we could graduate together but oh well. It just wasn’t possible.

I’ve got so much to do today. Gotta go to Mr. Gatti’s to leave a deposit for Jaylen’s birthday party. I’m going to have to set the date foward two weeks (due to Easter) but that gives us more time to save money and buy more party favors and candies. I have to stop for Mario’s check, stop to buy tickets to Ice Age 2 before they’re sold out, get home and pack up more stuff to take to storage, go pick up Mary’s rentors’ check, and then pick up Eenan and go to the movies. Whew.

I should start coming up with a new layout for this place since it’s for a grade, I think? Yep, I think that’s what I’ll do. Too bad there’s no PSP or PS on here .

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I should be showering right now but I just have to mention a few things before I do.

First, I’m so proud of my Jaylen. He actually started writing his alphabet today. I didn’t force him–I just saw him drawing in a notebook and he started scribbling pretend letters. I wrote his name and he got excited and started copying the letters. He was so thrilled he was writing like a big boy that he had me sitting on my bed with him, a notebook and box of markers for an hour while he practiced. I’m SO glad he feels inspired to write, finally. I’d been trying for so long to get him to learn his alphabet. He knows his shapes and colors but I could not get him to sing the alphabet song or practice writing his name. Hopefully we’ve made some progress :).

John and I went to visit Gramma at the nursing home after his orientation. She’d asked us to take her some Hershey’s Kisses so we took them to her (John bought them for her, aww). A while back, about two weeks ago, she’d asked us to find a man she knew since middle school online and let her know where he was, or if he was even alive. I never got a chance to (and now my stupid internet is messing up) and she asked us about him today. I noticed it was the first thing she talked about and I think it’s because Mom wasn’t there. Turns out, just as I started suspecting, that this man is our Grandfather. I am not kidding you, just this morning I was wondering about my Grandfather–who he was and where he was right now. I need to find him. She said it’s important that she tells Mom about him before she passes away–which I immediately told her to stop saying. I’m not mentioning anything to Mom though–I promised Gramma I would let her tell her.

I accompanied Mary to the Rosary that was held for my Padrino Arturo at the funeral home today. I sat with my head bowed while everyone prayed. I tried following along as best I could, but I don’t know the prayers in Spanish =\. The emotion didn’t hit me until I went up there to pay my respects to Arturo and then expressed my condolences to his family. I felt my lip quivering and thought, “Oh, no!”, and just started bawling. I just can’t believe this happened. It’s not fair.

We stopped at Walmart for a few things and I saw Lucy there. We talked for a bit and then we came home. Since then I’ve balanced my checkbook and that’s it. I feel so lazy and tired. I’m on the phone with Mario–as soon as I hang up with him I’m showing and running to bed.

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