Tag: acne

2019 – Everything’s the Same, but Everything Changed

I guess instead of updating weekly or even monthly, I’m going to do a bi-annual update. Or better yet: yearly. πŸ™„

I’ll probably go back and post a mass photo dump of birthdays, holidays and events–because I hate missing recording those moments here. But I guess a quick recap of the last year will have to suffice for this post.

We spent a lot of time going back and forth between home and San Antonio every other weekend. Well, I did–Jorge was already there, obviously. I’d usually go when we didn’t “have kids” and they were with the “other parents”.

Sometime before the holidays I stopped “Keto-ing” and screwed up my eating habits terribly. I’d go back to attempting to hop back on the low-carb train but it was to no avail–it seemed like my lack of willpower had completely derailed my Keto train and crashed into a firey wreckage. Needless to say, in the last 6 months I’ve packed on about 15-18 of the 20 lbs I’d lost and managed to maintain for 1.5 years while I was doing Keto. So disappointed in myself!

This also means that I’ve gone from running at least 3x a week to doing nothing. Which is pretty bad considering my awesome, super-low-key job is 95% sedentary.

I had attempted a “Run for 30 days” goal for myself in the month of December to counteract the sweets-binging that was happening since Halloween…only to injure myself 8 days into it because I was trying desperately to run an 11-minute mile πŸ™„ . So there went that.

I knew I needed to keep myself occupied–especially with Jorge away so much–otherwise my thoughts and anxiety would slip away from me and it was over.

So–the brilliant idea I came up with was I’d start school! I had finally ordered the assessment training book I’d need to review to take the mandatory placement exam I’d have to take to start school in the Spring/Fall, and I had my mind set: I was going to do this! Even if it meant graduating with my kids πŸ˜† !

At the end of December, once I had mostly gotten over the sprain from the beginning of the month, I started running right after work and was really happy with my routine:

Drop girls off at school, go to work, eat lunch at work (it helps me focus on low-carbing), change into running clothes at work at 5pm, run, pick up HEB Curbside if I had to (Curbside and HEB Delivery are a GODSEND), get home and shower and make dinner, talk to Jorge on the phone, sleep.

It was a great week. (–Yes. I only got to keep my routine up for 1 week. I’ll get back to that shortly.)

Then comes the new year and I’m finally motivated enough to stick with my plan.

Sandra came over on January 4th to catch up and have cocktails. Jorge had invited Robert over after work for drinks too. As we’re sitting around, Justin calls Jorge about picking him up from his mom’s. Then their mom calls to tell Jorge to pick Justin up. They had just gone with the other parents the previous day, so we found that kind of peculiar. Jorge is going back and forth on texts with Justin and with their mom and finally, Justin decides he’s staying with his mom.

Cut to Saturday night, where Jorge and I are alone and had ordered take-out and were watching “Black Mirror: BANDERSNATCH”…till 2am! We kept “playing” over and over again to achieve the maximum happy ending…until we gave up lol.

We wake up at 9am on Sunday, January 6th to find missed calls from the boys at 5:30am. We panic and start calling and texting frantically until we finally get through to Jorgie and rush over to their mother’s apartment to pick them up. We didn’t know what to expect; all the other times we’d tried to pick the boys up when we “weren’t supposed to have them” there were always cops waiting.

Long story short: Jorgie and Justin have lived with us permanently ever since. Jorge was home for a few weeks and so the transition wasn’t anything drastic–yet. Then came time for Jorge to leave back to work and I needed to figure out driving schedules. When I told them how early we’d have to leave and how late I’d have to pick them up after work I was positive they’d change their mind entirely and say they wanted to go back to their mom’s. But, they didn’t. They were okay with the upcoming routine. I look from them to Jorge after the discussion and I say, “So, that’s it? They’re ours?? They’re gonna live here?” I give them both hugs and Jorgie says, “So I can call you Mom now??” I said, “Dude, I’ve always been your mom.”

(Just to clarify: I have never and won’t ever try to take the place of their biological mother. On the contrary, I’ve encouraged them to reach out to her, even now.)

When a few more weeks passed and they were still with us and I took them to pick up stuff from their mother’s after school, they put their white trash bags full of belongings into the back of car. As I got ready to drive off, realization hits me again and I say, “So this really is for real?” Justin looks over at me and says, “Gee, Yajaira, I thought this was for real.” I explained to him that it had happened before–they would get into it with their mom and stay with us and then she’d want them back. They said, “Nope. Not going back.”

It’s still surreal to me that after all the custody battles and years of trying to “get them”, just *poof*. All of a sudden, they live here.

Needless to say, my trips to San Antonio came to a standstill, since now we had the boys and it would get expensive lol. Instead, Jorge would come home–when then started taking a toll on him and his sleep schedule and work schedule. That, in turn, caused us to be at each other’s throats.

Since Jorge works away most of the week my schedule changed completely. I’d wake up an hour earlier to get the girls and Jorgie and Justin in the car and dropped the boys off by 7:15am (an hour and 45 minutes before they even had to be at school, poor things), then I’d drop the girls off by 7:35 to get to work by 7:55. It was tiring for everyone, but we had to make it work; there was no other way.

Same for the afternoons. I’d get out of work and instead of going to run or to buy groceries I’d go straight to pick the boys up. Again they’d have to wait for me for an hour and a half after they got out of school to be picked up.

We spent a lot of those first 2 months stopping by a place called Snowball Express–buying junkfood and sometimes completely forgoing dinner to have snacks. I wasn’t running or exercising at all. And I felt the difference from one day to the next–no joke!

That shit creeps up on ya!

I’d completely stopped low-carbing, and was much less sticking to the Keto diet. And it showed. Because my acne had ALSO made a comeback. Ugh.

Then, to top it off, my brain was going 100mph, non-stop and I’d begun clamping my jaw again from stress, which resulted in needing to use my mouth guard again. I hadn’t used a mouth guard since I left the Chamber!!

As I’d mentioned in my post from October 9, 2018, (my last “in-real-time post”) I was beginning to come to terms with the fact that my anxiety was taking a toll on my well-being. I had accepted it. But the little breakdowns at work (it’s happened 3 times) for absolutely no reason except that I was probably on my period and incredibly hormonal and someone slightly inconvenienced me–well, that shit needed to NOT HAPPEN.

So, in February, I went to the doctor because they needed to see me in order for me to get a refill on my acne topical medication. I told the doc about my acne problem and since it was a new doctor I’d never visited with before, I gave her some history. She asked about stress and I told her that I seriously didn’t have much to stress about–my job was the most chill job, ever–but it was perhaps all the free time that I had at my job that caused me to cycle thoughts in my head repeatedly. She asked what a day was like for me and I told her about the kids and how I recently became the boys’ primary parent, in essence, and about how I wanted to start school, too. I told her how my husband worked away from home most days–and then IT HAPPENED. I STARTED BAWLING FOR NO REASON. I pointed to my face and choked on a sobby-laugh and told her, “You see what I mean?? It just happens! She said, “What you described in 1 day is way more than one person can/should handle. And then you want to add school, which is great, but we need to get you to get to a good state first.” So, she prescribed anxiety medication–which I was adamant about staying away from for years, but I figured I’d give it a go. What’s the worse that could happen? I chill out? LOL

Cut to 6 months later and although I’m much more carefree about things (sometimes TOO carefree) I still stress out, just toned down about 80%. The one side effect that I’ve had the most trouble with is the 15 pound weight gain I’ve had. It’s depressing. The pill makes you lethargic, which in turn makes you want to sleep. That’s all I wanted to do at first. I had no energy so I became infatuated with Bang drinks (Frose Rose, Rainbow Unicorn, Cotton Candy and Georgia Peach Tea are my faves!) but they heighten my heart rate and anxiety, boo. The lethargy is also the reason I’ve stopped running and working out, plus the kids’ end-of-the-year stuff.

Alaethia and 2 of her besties (they call me mom ?). Alaethia was wearing one of my new dresses and heels!

I also recently, FINALLY, had a visit with a dermatologist to get to the bottom of my acne problem. She prescribed a brand new topical medication plus a new pill that I have to take at night with a snack. It’s also a diuretic. AND, I was trying to get back to Keto and was doing really good until she confirmed I needed to lay off the sugar and DAIRY if I want to make an actual, internal difference, not just on the surface. That about killed me. The only thing that was left to bring me joy was cheese and Halo Top/Enlightened ice cream–and now I couldn’t even have that!! Suddenly, my goals of being healthy and happy with a clear complexion weren’t looking too appealing! I seriously wanted to throw in the towel; but decided not to. I’ve just got to focus and get serious about it. It’s just incredibly frustrating that I KNOW what being on Keto does for you and I’m still expecting the same results as last time, which was an 8-lb weight loss in 2 weeks, but I keep sabotaging myself!. And the last time I was finally focused and was eating how I should (starting April 20th till I sabotaged myself after my dermatologist appointment) I had GAINED a pound in over a month!! BUT–I know I’m not being completely consistent because I’ll mess up during the weekend and then I have to start all over. Ugh.

Being an adult is hard.

But it’s also got its silver lining. My kids are becoming more independent! At the end of the school year Jaylen started driving and we’ll send him off for errands. And Justin is driving too now, so he was driving himself and Jorgie to and from school. That was pretty darn badass and a relief that last week of school lol. At least we have a solution to that now, thank goodness!

It’s always fun hanging out with the kids, too. Which is mostly what my evenings and weekends consist of these days. They’re my best little broke friends πŸ˜† and they’re pretty darn awesome.

Also, John is a DAD NOW!! I finally have a baby to love on and buy things for ??. I just wish I could see them all the time ?!!

So there you have it, folks. It is now summer vacation and I must start some kind of worthy routine, which includes school. I need to do this for myself. NEED TO!!!

Pep-Talk to Myself & Updates

I was having a bit of a woe-is-me type of day yesterday (I’ve been like this the past few days and it could be a few things: Shark Week coming up, not working out since last Thursday after doing so well, probably not fitting into my new bathing suit like I would have liked, and devouring 2 chocolate mug cakes in the span of a week and feeling guilt for it–someone has to taste-test the recipe! πŸ™„ ), AND it seemed like everything was going wrong regarding everything else in life, so I referred back to a few of my recent Instagram photos and posts on the blog to remind me that no matter how minuscule, I *have* been making progress with Keto, at least.

Weight

I weighed myself this morning on that horror of a scale and it read: 117.4 Which means that I’ve held steady, even though it *had* gone down to 115-116. And I need to realize that maintaining is GOOD. One of my main goals was to go under 119, which I hadn’t been able to do with exercising alone in about 4 years, and I have! So that’s a feat in itself!

It’s incredible how body dismorphia and anxiety always seem to creep their evil little heads out, no matter how well you’re doing. I hate it. They’ve been messing with me, like I said, and I need to kick them in the teeth!

Hair

In one of my posts in May I mentioned that I was in desperate need of a hair cut/style. Well, I finally made it out there (to Jorge’s relief πŸ˜† ) and got it done with a new stylist! I never stray from my usual stylist because she’s the ONLY person who hasn’t screwed up my hair. Well, she was either nrver open, or had too many people ahead of me. My new girl is Marcy and her salon is Curl Up and Dye! I love the decor and the owner is just the sweetest and the best!

She made my hair feel so soft and smell so good!! Now, if I could just get my darn hair from FALLING OUT IN CLUMPS, that would be magical…

Work Outs, Goals & Acne

I’d mentioned that I never had time to work out, but for about 2-3 weeks I actually WAS working out. At…10:00pm or 10:30pm so I wouldn’t end my workouts till almost midnight! My energy levels were at an all-time high, thanks to Keto, but by the end of last week, I couldn’t get out of bed for my morning run on Saturday. It was really disappointing. Then I started helping Jorge out with some of his work, so there went the extra time to work out because by the time we got home, I was exhausted! Then on Sunday, I helped Jorge again and got home and got straight to doing laundry. It never ends!!

Plus, it’s been so dreadfully hot that even cleansing my face and wiping my sweat with a towel instead of the back of my hand caused me to get pimples (including a terrible cyst on my chin!!)! I was so upset–after going through Shark Week last month with very, very minimal new acne, something that I felt was making me feel (and look) so much better (P90X) was causing me grief!! I just can’t win! (Acne deserves a whole post of it’s own!) So, what I think I’m going to do is start working out inside the house, in the living room, instead of in the garage. Although, I will still have to do some exercises in the garage…like the chin-up bars/bands. Bleh!

My ultimate goal for working out was my new bathing suit Jorge bought me. I took “before” photos, and although I didn’t look too “bad,” I still needed to tone up a few areas (saddlebag area, belly, arms, back–the usual). But, since I haven’t worked out this week, I’m going to have to quit beating myself up and buy a cute cover-up. It’s not like it didn’t fit, and I am trying my best: simple as that!

Breakfast – Or Bulletproof Coffee

Staying up late and snoozing in the morning isn’t helping my situation. Well, maybe it is, since I’m sort of doing accidental “fasts.” I’m usually rushing out the door in the mornings so I decided to start making myself some Bulletproof Coffee, or Butter Coffee. I only tried BPC once back in 2013 when I’d first done Keto, and was just too put off by butter in my coffee that I didn’t continue making it. But I’ve done my research this time around (just Google “bulletproof coffee”). I don’t purchase anything from bulletproof.com, nor do I use MCT oil or coconut oil in my coffee (just yet; I’m thinking of using my organic coconut oil and I’d like to purchase collagen in the future, especially for the hair-falling-out-in-clumps problem) and I don’t purchase any newfangled accessories for my coffee in the shape of drops, Ketone powders or anything at all (way too expensive and pointless if you ask me! I haven’t really come by anyone who’s said “it’s life-changing!”). My recipe is pretty simple:

2 tbls. butter
1 tbls. heavy whipping cream (I love the creaminess!)
1.5 – 2 tbls. of syrup (either the Jordan S’mores or Torani Caramel)
And a 10oz.-12oz. K-cup of hot coffee

I toss everything into my Magic Bullet, blend and voila! A frothy, latte-like concoction that keeps me full till lunchtime! I have done the alternative: cinnamon and Stevia, but I much prefer the way I mention above.

Gramma’s Health

I worry about my Gramma a lot these days. Part of the reason my days run late is because I try my hardest to make it out to see her every day after work, especially after her episode with Bell’s Palsy and then later on the strange, irrational fear that she had daily. Well, it turns out the almost-hallucinating type fear of falling was due to a UTI. 2nd time that happens, you’d think we’d all figure it out, including her doctors πŸ™„ . I’m just glad she’s feeling more peace and that she’s getting the correct medications. It’s such a relief!

Lactose Intolerance

I mentioned back in my post Going Keto…Again that I was wary of Keto due to the “diet” including lots of cheese and dairy, and that I feared for my lactose intolerance problem getting worse. But after being “Keto” for over 3 months I can honestly say I think my lactose intolerance has been reversed, even when consuming large amounts of cheese, heavy whipping cream and the occasional Enlightened bar or Halo Top Ice Cream! Gone are the days of painful bloat all through the night due to having cheese on my burger or having a serving of ice cream. Keto’s been a God-send!

I’m anxious about my yearly exams next month! That means I get to do my cholesterol panel, and I’m really curious to know how it reads this time around. Keeping my fingers crossed that all is well and I don’t have to rely on genetics to determine my future.

There. Read it all back and I feel better already. Since I started this post, things have looked up in all areas. Just got to get the ball of positivity rolling yourself, I guess!

Going Keto…Again

I feel a lot better than I did my previous post. I’m almost embarrassed that I puked my heart and soul into that post and almost deleted it, but as they say: better out than in!

Anyway. I’ve focused a lot of my energy since then into things that I do have control over now, at the moment: the kids, of course, and Jorge take priority, but I’ve also started really watching what I’m eating and SOMEWHAT started exercising again. I even used some of the birthday/Mother’s Day money mom gave me to buy some cute work-out tees! (In typical Mom fashion, the rest was put towards bills πŸ™„ !)

Cute, right??

These were on clearance at Walmart, for $3.00 and $3.15! Too bad I couldn’t get any good deals on work out pants! THAT’S what I really need! πŸ˜• I have lots of size 0-2, but it’s been a while since those fit comfortably! πŸ˜†

So I started on the Keto diet again on April 30, 2017. The last time I did this “diet” was in 2013 and I lost about 12-13 lbs. and looked much better than I had in a while at the time. It was before I had my breast reduction, of course, but being on Keto was the only time I EVER in my life went down a bra size. Even when I was religiously doing P90X daily and Taekwondo 3x a week in 2010, I didn’t loose boobage. In 2013, on Keto, I went from DD to D. I was shocked! πŸ˜†

The girls started selling Girl Scout cookies early 2014…and I DID NOT ease back into eating carbs–I literally shoveled a box of cookies a day 😳 . So naturally, I gained weight AND when I went for my routine check-up on February 7, 2014, I stupidly got my labs done at 3pm…right after consuming 4 Thin Mints. Of course my cholesterol came back off the charts (394, something like that??) and I was put on a Statin STAT because of my family’s medical history. They sat me down and I got a stern talking-to about what to eat and what not to eat. I was pretty bummed.

So I’m going into this venture once again, but wary and aware of the risks. I’m still trying to figure out how much a lipid panel (to check my cholesterol levels) would be, since I already got my routine check-up done and my levels were slightly elevated then. I don’t want to end up having a stroke or heart attack for the sake of vanity!

Speaking of, other reasons I’m getting back on the Keto train–besides obviously losing weight–is 1) Jorge got back on it a few weeks ago and it’s much easier for me to come up with dinners when I’m cooking for both of us (because, let’s face it: sometimes I have to make an extra meal for my picky girls πŸ™„ ). A third meal would be ridiculous!

2) Since getting off birth control in February-ish of this year (had gotten on it again around August 2016 to help regulate my monthly visitor), my acne has been out of control, mainly on the chin area, which reflects hormones out of whack and/or stress (and I have a bad habit of touching my face, so I’m sure that doesn’t help!). So I’m hoping steering clear of sugar and carbs will help. I’ve been reading articles on Dietdoctor.com, and a piece on acne states:

…modern studies show a probable connection between high-glycemic (high-carb) diets and acne.This may be caused by the effect on growth hormones like insulin and IGF.

To improve acne, your best bet is a fairly strict low-carb diet – ideally one that is also low in dairy products.

I’m willing to try anything to clear this embarrassing problem. The only thing that makes me nervous about Keto is the amount of cheese you could possibly eat–and I’m lactose intolerant (and also, the cholesterol!)! I think being lactose intolerant is another sign my body’s giving me to lay off the sugar and give my face a break, so I’m going to try to use as little as possible, as much as I love it πŸ™ .

I’m actually much more excited about cooking than I had been in a long time. Here are a few meals I’ve made:

Bunless burger with the works!
JalapeΓ±o Chicken Casserole
Keto Krepes With Low Sugar Homemade Strawberry Syrup, Peppered Bacon, Sugar Free Hazelnut Coffee

You can find the recipe for those awesome Keto Krepes here.

We’ve cut our eating out a LOT, but when we have it’s been easy to make substitutions:

Grilled Chicken, Veggies and Avocado Salsa at Palenque Chicken
Bunless Salmon Burger with Aoli and Broccolini at House.Wine & Bistro

I’ve also lost 3 lbs.! Just weighed in this morning and it’s the little boost of motivation I needed to keep going. Now, if I could just find the time to do P90X again! Or at least the 40 minutes I need to get to the park to run! Emily has her GT Project due and we need to finish it TODAY.
[edited to add:] Emily finished her project at school and all I had to help her with was flash cards for questions and finding her prizes to give her classmates as she quizzes them, so we got to go walking/running![/edit]

Changing gears: my poor Gramma hasn’t been doing too well πŸ™ . She was in the hospital on Sunday due to possible signs of suffering a mini-stroke. Ugh. Long story. Let’s just say I had to BITCH and threaten a lawsuit in order to get those idiots at the nursing home to move their asses and get her to the hospital! She may have Bells Palsy, which they will correct with medication but only to a certain extent πŸ™ . Mom and I waited in the lobby while Aunt Nora stayed with Gramma and we got hungry, so we went to the gift shop. There was a beautiful, almost heavenly glow coming from the snack area. There were muffins, and cookies, and chips, oh my!! It took all my willpower to only purchase these:

I shared the almonds and pickle with Mom and I was proud of myself for sticking with it. Mom, on the other hand, got Fritos -_-.

Gramma is doing as well as possible. I feel so bad that she’s in any discomfort.

I’ve been posting less on my regular social media and focusing a lot of attention on my food and health Instagram account. If you’d like to see meal ideas or just what I’m up to, the link is: @yaya_goes_keto (formerly, @yayastartsover). I’ve documented most of my ups/downs/tries/fails . When I started up again in June 2016 after all the complications I had with the breast reduction from February 2016-June 2016, I was tracking on MyFitnessPal and working out (P90X). I went from 123 lbs. to 119 lbs., but that was quickly short-lived thanks to the last complication I had, and then I’m pretty sure I had some weird trauma/mental block that was keeping me from working out since it seemed like every time I got into a routine, I ended up at the doctor’s office again. But I hope I’m successful this time and can keep up with my “diet” (or Way of Eating) and workouts, even though I know I won’t be able to workout every day. I have to admit, eating this way has been pretty easy so far!