Category: Grr

You know what just blows my mind? Finding out that a couple’s broken up. Usually it’s shocking when you find out that a couple that’s been dating for what seems like forever’s parted ways, but it’s even moreso when it’s a couple that’s been married for a while. It’s so sad–they go into a marriage expecting to live happily ever after–they make elaborate plans for a wedding, buy a house, have children and then they just grow apart for some reason or another. It must feel like their world’s crumbling apart around them. I know I’d feel like that. I worry about the little fights that Mario and I seem to be getting into more often now. We’ve been together for 7 mostly-happy years–we do and have had our moments but we’ve always come through. These fights and arguments though…is that how it starts? Is that how a blissful marriage falls apart?

It worries me. A lot. I’m always stressed and I feel like I’m at my wit’s end most of the time and take my frustrations out on the kids or Mario. I don’t hit anyone or anything–don’t get me wrong–but I do yell and lose my temper and then I feel like an asshole for it. If I don’t have it now, I bet I’ll get high blood pressure and that sucks. Then, the smallest thing sets me off when I’m around Mario. I try not to be over-sensitive or moody, but it’s really hard not to be when it seems like he prods at me on purpose. I try ignoring him and then he comes out with something like, “Well since you’re going to be like that…” He always has something to do after work (like tonight, he’s dropping Jorge off–again) so I don’t even get a chance to see him. Most of the time I stay up an hour or two later just to spend a bit of time with him. I remember this, the lack of quality time, and it starts an argument all over again. And usually my feelings aren’t valid because I’m “bitching”. It’s just frustrating. I’ve been re-evaluating this whole Baby Thing and the cons are starting to out-weigh the pros.

I don’t spend enough time with the kids because I always have something to do. Tonight, I’m setting the ironing board and the dishes aside and reading them a few books we got at the Book Fair at Eenan’s school.

I need to learn to just breathe and relax.

(more…)

I did pretty good on both my (mock) interviews today. First, it was the one where Lucy and I were paired up and we interviewed each other while Mrs. C-R observed. Mayra, Lucy and I finally went in for our Final interview around 11:00 and I got pretty good critiques from Mr. Cano, who was interviewing us. I worried all day for nothing. He said I was ready to go out there and he admired my confidence *beams*.

I met Mario at his work and we took off together to New Wave Chinese Buffet for lunch. That place reminds me of the House of China, which is my favorite Chinese buffet place ever, except that New Wave’s food isn’t as good. The decor and dishes themselves are extremely similar.

We ate and talked and I dropped him off at work. We made plans to meet somewhere around 6 or 7p.m., since Albert was letting him out early so we could celebrate our 7 year anniversary. I didn’t get too excited about it since Mario getting out “early” isn’t always a guarantee.

Mom, John, Jaylen and I all got in the car and picked Eenan up after school. We went straight to Gramma’s nursing home since we hadn’t gone last week. We sat and talked with her for a while then left.

I tried doing as many chores as I could (laundry…bleh!) so that I wouldn’t have much to do in case we went somewhere tonight. Well, 7:30 rolled around, then 8 so when Mario finally called I told him to forget it. I didn’t say it bitchily or anything, just let him know that it was late. I’m already falling asleep–I can imagine how sleepy I’d feel if I were driving. I tried not to be too sad about it; it sucks that we can’t see eachother all that much, not even to celebrate anniversaries because of his work, but it comes with the job’s territory. Even though I sort of expected not to do anything nice, I cried silently for a bit before composing myself and doing the rest of the crap I have to do every day. I don’t want to be a bitch to Mario when he gets here–I need to keep telling myself it’s not his fault.

It’ll be hard for me to remain calm if he doesn’t get here soon though…it’s already 10:14p.m.!

(more…)

Wednesday

Mario switched days off with Albert since Friday was his birthday (Albert’s). When I got home from school Mario, Jaylen and I were going to go see Yadira and Matthew since Mario hadn’t had a chance to see him at all. After that, we were to meet Mary at home and go to El Sauz to visit Oralia and pay our respects.

Mayra didn’t go to school that day and Lucy was going to go to her brother’s house so she wasn’t coming this way after school. I had to get home as soon as possible so neither of us could give Ricci a ride. Jennifer offered to give her a ride so we thought everything was fine.

Lucy didn’t end up going to her brother’s so she went home and I of course came straight home. I ate at Whataburger with Mario and Jaylen then went to Yadira’s. She wasn’t there, so Mario talked to Grandpa and Vito for a bit and we came home. Later on that evening when Mary came home, we went to El Sauz. I had forgotten how far the ride over there was. As we got closer I felt chills down my spine. I kept thinking how just two days before he’d been somewhere at his ranch and was being killed and nobody knew about it. It was terrible when we got there and Oralia just cried in Mary’s arms. I felt so bad for her. She kept talking about how she wasn’t going to be able to run the ranches and the bills by herself. It’s so unfair that she had him taken away from her. It’s just not fair. It scares me to death to think that something like that could happen to Mario and I. It scares me so much I’ll just stop right there and stop thinking about it.

Thursday

The next morning started out really strange. It was cold and rainy and Ricci called saying their car wouldn’t start so she wasn’t going to school. Traffic was crazy. I hate driving in the rain and that morning was just awful. Then, in the same spot in McAllen where traffic usually comes to a sudden stop from 65 MPH every morning, it came to a stop–only this time people were swerving a little because of the water. I prayed to God that nothing horrible would happen. Mayra called to tell me she was stuck in a traffic jam in La Joya so she’d be late. As soon as I (thankfully) get to school and in class Lucy calls that she’s stuck in the same jam. All of us are eventually there together and do our work. Our current class is…wow, I can’t remember the name, but it has to do with job placement and how to have an effective interview and all that jazz. So, we were working on our resume’s. Break time comes and we go to the lounge.

On the way back, we see Ricci sitting in the hallway in front of class with Jennifer and Kimberly. Lucy confronted Jennifer because of a dispute they were having the day before and Lucy let Jennifer know that Ricci told her something. Second break comes along and Ricci asks to talk to us in private. She confronts Lucy about telling Jennifer and then she slowly gets to the point where she’s asking why neither of us brought her home if we were both coming this way. I let her know about all the gas I’ve been wasting and how Mario got mad at me for wasting so much gas and that I needed to get home right away since we had things to do.

To make a long story short, she brought up how I “left” her at the store the day before Valentine’s Day and how she had to walk home and basically said that it was my fault. I retorted and said no, she hadn’t been going to school and I told her to call me to let me know that she was going, she didn’t so I went straight to school. We let her know we couldn’t always give her rides, and that I couldn’t give her rides after school anymore at all and she basically felt bad. She said, “Now I know what kind of friends you guys are”, and other things like that. I felt horrible for making her feel so bad, but that wasn’t my, or the girls’, intentions at all. I also felt a bit offended that she said that after all the things I’ve done for her. It turned into this huge drama, where Kimberly and Jennifer and two other girls who never even talk in class all felt like they needed to be heroes and went running to the bathroom to her aid. It was quite annoying. Jennifer ended up taking her home during the next break. I honestly couldn’t feel as much remorse as I would have since Jennifer and Kimberly kept butting in. I don’t know why they feel the neccesity to do that. I think they just wanted to leave early, to be honest *shrug*.

Friday

I would have felt pretty awkward if Ricci showed up in the morning, like she usually did when we went to school. But she didn’t. I felt even more awful that day. We spent the day at school revising our resume’s, filling out a psuedo application, and picking 15 questions that would be asked to us in an interview, then practice for a mock interview. I’ve yet to study them and our “test” is tomorrow. Our Final for this class follows, which is an interview done by someone, an instructor or someone else, from the school.

Since Mayra’s husband was waiting for her at the mall, I took her over there and we looked around for a bit before I left to meet Mario for lunch. We ate at Taqueria El Molcajete, which was delicious, and we talked and laughed the whole time we were there. I love him .

Saturday

Spent the morning cleaning and doing various things I needed to do, like renew Mario’s license online, find a storage unit place and buy plastic storage boxes. I put all my Care Bears and Rainbow Brite () stuff in the 30 gallon boxes I bought. It was so sad to do, but I had to :(. I took the boxes to our new storage unit, with John’s help, then came home, picked Mom up and we dropped Mario’s wallet off at work. From there, we went to Target where I was to search for some khaki pants for our Final on Monday. No luck at Target. I figured I’d buy a whole new outfit but of course the only nice black pants I liked were a foot longer than I was. Blah.

On we went to Marshall’s where I had no luck at all either. Right next door was Ross, and it’s usually an unsightly mess but I thought ‘what the hell’ and went. I found only one pair of pants in size 4 and the legs had clearly been run over by a shopping cart, the crotch looked like it needed a quick sew and I was going to have to pick the hem up at least 3 inches, but THEY WERE IN MY SIZE! I tried them on and they fit like a dream from the waist, so I got them. $79.00 Ralph Lauren pants for $14.99–gotta love Ross. I also got a cute little peasanty empire-waist top that matched the pants but I’m going to wear that on Tuesday for the May 20th class’ good-bye lunch and I’m wearing my salmon/white/brown/tan stripped dress shirt with salmon tank under it instead. The top was only $7.99. I plan on going back and buying many, many cute blouses and tees I saw.

Today

Made breakfast, cleaned, took a shower then went with Mary, Noelia, and Elda to a wedding expo at the Villa Real center. Not what anyone expected–there was hardly anything there for a “wedding”, but they did have two Italian restraunts who were giving out samples and a lady who did wonderful Calligraphy. We went to see a bridal shop that wasn’t open and then Mary and I ate at Olive Garden. Noelia didn’t feel well so she stayed in the car. We came home, I fixed my pants and then I just put stuff in boxes which we (John, Mario and I) later took to the storage unit. I’ve been running around like a chicken with it’s head cut off for the past few hours getting everything ready for tomorrow. I didn’t even get to study properly. And this entry’s probably filled with typo’s but it’s too darn late to check them right now.

(more…)