Uneasiness and Tangents

Did I even spell that title correctly? Hmm…anyway. I’m all alone with my thoughts; for the past few hours. Jorge is working (yes, this late) and the kids aren’t here this weekend 🙁 but they’d probably be asleep by now anyway if they were. Briana, Mia, Joyce and the kids were here earlier, but they’ve since gone home 🙁 . My dinner ended up being an iced coffee from Starbucks, where I picked up a gift card earlier.

Anyway, we caught up and talked and I learned some annoying shit that’s happened recently, but it’s not my place to say anything about it. And I hate it. Because I want to scream and tell people off and just be a total bitch about these things I have no control over. The anger’s been festering in my gut for the past few hours that I feel nauseous and hungry all at the same time. I was going to get up and make an anger-filled chocolate mug cake, but I felt too lazy to. And then I thought I’d get a Carb Smart ice cream pop thing but that also required getting up from this chair and nah. But I also don’t feel hungry, which is progress for me in hindsight, since I would have devoured an entire box of Carb Smart in the past. Yay me.

I tried finishing my Calaca wreath but wasn’t into it. I started laundry, but haven’t put it in the dryer yet. I started browsing though job postings since I received an e-mail and I have A.D.D. but everything sucks. Started looking for that stupid book I need to study because my brain has forgotten everything it learned all these years (HOW was I valedictorian and salutatorian, HOW??), but I got distracted again and said, “Hmm, I haven’t blogged in a while…” 🙄

Can you believe I feel guilty for feeling angry? That’s what’s wrong with me: I can never just be MAD. I feel guilty and ungrateful for being angry. I had a great day of shopping (that’s what happens when Jorge leaves me alone too long) and not even that helped. Well, it did for a little bit, heh.

I used up coupons left and right and managed to find a black dress at Old Navy for our Annual Banquet. It was comfy and I liked it at the store, but in no way, shape, or form is it “cocktail attire”. Then I saw this other dress online just a while ago, but I’m sure it’s about $75 and I’m NOT paying that for a dress I’ll wear one time.

I also finally found my mustard-colored cardigan. I was really hoping to find one at Goodwill, or eBay, but no luck. So I paid $10 for a legit new one 😆 . Now I need to fix that blouse with the foxes on it that I absolutely had to have a mustard-colored cardigan for. I bought it in medium in March and now it’s huge. I literally wore it once. One of the negatives of dropping 2 sizes 😕 .

Which is why I’m scouring Goodwill and clearance racks for pants. All of my jeans, shorts and work pants are cinched at the waist with safety pins since losing weight, and it looks pretty bad because it clumps under my blouses. I got lucky last month when I found 2 red pants (one brand-new from Old Navy and brand-new Calvin Klein ones, both with tags). This month I found a denim jacket (in extra small, WHAT), 2 dresses (one from Gap with tags) and a cute sweater from Aeropostale. I think I spent $10 or less on all that!

Here’s one of the dresses and the jacket:

(Yes, my cats are indeed enormous!)

I realized today as Mom and I walked to the car from visiting Gramma that my thighs 100% don’t rub when I walk in a dress anymore! That’s a darn non-scale victory in itself! Oh! And I tried on pants at Kohl’s (I had Kohl’s cash, woo!), and I fit into a SIZE. 3. THREE. Tres. I haven’t been size 3 since I was 17!!! And I have a post all about my 5-month Keto experience and progress, but obviously I never finished it, but I seriously weigh the lowest as an adult, EVER. I seriously love Keto, no joke.

Ok. I should go check on the darn laundry. Or pay bills online. Or you know, wash my face, brush my teeth and go to bed? Meh.

Memories: Old and New

A new school year started this week for the girls and Eenan (well, a new semester for Eenan)! Jaylen, Jorgie, Justin and Julien started school since last week.

It was a short week for them, though, considering that we were in the possible path of Hurricane Harvey, so they cancelled school on Friday.

Jaylen was thinking of getting out of football this year, but he changed his mind. His coach wanted him to get back in. His workload is just overwhelming, and he’ll be getting home at 8pm-9pm after practice–not to mention, games–but he’s pretty good at managing his time and level of responsibility.

He has projects galore with Early College, and called me last week, around Wednesday, to ask for some anecdotes about him when he was little that I could remember. I thought, ‘I got you Fam’ and reminded him that most of his life is documented on this very website 😆 . He said, “My friends can never find out about this website…I must clear my history and everything, just in case.” 😆

I remember when Eenan realized I’d written about most of their lives and somewhat embarrassing experiences (that were cute to me–not so much to teenage them 😆 ). He was in 9th or 10th grade, I think, and he told me his friend did a search for him and found tons of photos of him as a little kid. I never knew what to expect as they grew up–if they’d be okay with it or not, but I don’t think they mind that their lives have been documented this way. (We’ll see later on when my little divas find out 😆 !)

Since our evening event at work was cancelled, also due to the possible hurricane, I picked my kiddos up right after work and of course, it’s always an adventure with them 😀 . Our ride home was spent listening to Jaylen read a few blog posts I wrote about him and Eenan and the girls were all giggles. First was one where he was in 1st or 2nd grade and very proudly told me he had a girlfriend he met in the cafeteria 😆 . As Jaylen is reading, Eenan says, “My God, you’re so descriptive!” (That made me beam a little 😀 !)

The other story was the actual post about the time that Kohl’s had their grand opening and he and Eenan were fighting and causing a ruckus and when I finally decided it was time to go, Jaylen went limp as I was holding his hand and started screaming, “She’s hurting me, she’s hurting me!” as we walked past the cash registers . See, always an adventure LOL. The girls had a kick listening to the stories.

I woke up Saturday morning and went for a walk at the Ducky Park. Finally!!

It’d been several weeks since I got out there. It was such a fresh, wonderful morning, I couldn’t miss it. They keep saying we “dodged a bullet” on the news with Hurricane Harvey. All the devastation in Houston, Rockport, Victoria, etc. It could have been us 🙁 .

I got home, made breakfast for myself, showered and got ready to go to my co-worker, Anabel’s, baby shower. Then I was kicking myself in the ass because I didn’t have time to blow-dry and straighten my hair, and I still needed to iron my dress and buy a card. I’m all over the place 🙄 .

I couldn’t find anything to wear!! I hadn’t fit into the black/white dress I wore since…2013? Probably the last time I was eating Keto. This time, it was kind of baggy–but I still wish I could fit into dresses with a flat stomach. I know, I know, I’m being ridiculous 🙄 . This mom bod will get there, eventually!

I went to visit Gramma afterwards, then I bought the girls their mandatory headphones for school at 5 Below and finished their school supply shopping. Can you believe I couldn’t find freaking Germ-x??

Anyway. I’m pretty sure I did some grocery shopping, too, and got home to make some chili, per Emily’s request (beanless for Jorge and me). The Mayweather/McGreggor fight was that night (so disappointing! Dammit, McGreggor!) and Jorge made me an awesome Ketofied drink!

Sunday was spent doing laundry, cleaning and cooking–so thrilling. Although Eenan didn’t want to, I took him out to drive. He drove me to and from HEB, and to a PokeStop at the park 😆 . He did REALLY GOOD this time!!

Then it was time to drop the boys off, since I wouldn’t be able to clone myself and drop Eenan off at the University at 7:30pm, Jaylen off at the Early College at 8:30am and the girls back at the elementary at 7:30am. All are about 30-45 minutes apart. So I sucked it up and dropped the boys off at their dad’s Sunday evening 🙁 . Makes me sad that I lose time with them, but it’s not fair to them to wake up at the crack of dawn when they don’t have to be at school for hours.

I don’t even remember how we started talking about it on the way to their dad’s, but we somehow got into drama from the divorce. They had lots of snippets of memories and wanted to piece together timelines. So we did. It made me emotional and angry all over again, especially since this month marks 7 years since all the high-drama went down. I made sure to let them know I love them all and couldn’t live without them. Alaethia was a bit emotional on the way back home, so I let Emily into the house when we got here and spoke to Alaethia about it. I got teary and she did and she said, “Nooo, don’t cry!” and I told her that they were my life and I couldn’t imagine my life without them. Some heavy, deep shit. But we were in a hurry to eat and get their things ready for the morning so we got over it, heh.

Everyone had a great day at school!

They pick their own clothes *sigh*. I want them to be dressed up all frilly wth bows and they’re SO over that 🙄 .

Anyway, Emily has Alaethia’s GT teacher from when she was in 3rd grade and Alaethia has her 2nd grade teacher as her 5th grade teacher, so they’re pretty happy. PLUS, they have most of their good friends in their class, so they’re thrilled about that!

They went on the bus the first 2 days of school, but because some bus monitor separates the kids and scared Alaethia thinking Emily wasn’t on the bus, Mario picked them up today. I think he’s going to continue to? Not sure, need to ask. Emily was the only one upset about not going on the bus LOL.

Eenan still owes me a campus selfie since I couldn’t be there to take one. I could hear him roll his eyes when I asked for it by phone 😆 .

Work has been busy and eventful. I actually got there at 8am for 2 days in a row! I hadn’t packed my lunch today so I was late by 20 minutes. Oopsie!

Today is my 4-month Keto-versary!! I’ve felt ravenous today, and extremely thirsty, and I don’t know why the FAK I keep getting acne again, but I feel great LOL. I posted some before and after pics on Instagram from when I started on April 30th, but I won’t post them here because–I don’t know, it’s just weird LOL. Still. I currently weigh 115, which I what I weighed back in 2012 when I was running 7 miles with Jorge. (I still can’t wrap my head around that shit! 7 miles?? Who was I??!) But now, all I do is eat bacon, eggs, iced coffee, almond bread and walk once a week and I’m back at it, woo!!