Tag: memories

The flutter I feel in my heart when I see you walking down the walkway. Greeting you at the door with a smooch.

Talking about everything and anything and snacking on chips and dip.

How you sit on that chair and look at me as we have a conversation while I washed the dishes from the day.

You, walking around and fixing things that were never fixed before. And teaching me about it all as you do it.

Changing into something more comfortable.

Being so close to you, in that way that we’re close.

Watching you cook and know your way around my kitchen, like you belong here. Because you do.

Dancing with you in the kitchen to “Tennessee Whiskey” while you hold me close, stroke my back, and sing the lyrics in my ear. (I think I dreamed of that moment with you many moons ago.) You’ve always said that song would remind me of you. It always does.

Getting our food together and having a bed picnic. Oh, those wonderful bed picnics! (I never ate in my bed before you.)

Watching a show with you that you obviously got me hooked on.

Not paying attention to that show due to other important activities and having to rewind to understand what’s going on in the episode.

You teasing me and me getting extra emotional, as I tend to do. You, with your patience, pulling me close, and reminding me that you love me.

Eating ice cream and switching pints, then switching back again.

Not feeling insecure as we shower together, because—as hard as it is for me—I trust you and believe you when you tell me I’m beautiful.

The cold, fresh sheets and the way you extend your arm, letting me know my resting place is ready, and I lay on your shoulder—my favorite spot—while you snuggle me and hold me close. (“This is the good stuff,” you always say.) You place my legs just right as we tangle up for sleep.

Your little breaths, little snores and twitching as you fall slowly into sleep. And I lay there, in my favorite place, soaking it all in, hoping and praying time can stand still throughout the night for just a little bit more minutes with you.

Little snippets. Because I want to remember it all. In case one day it doesn’t happen again.

Today is Good Friday, which means I have a day off from work. The kids are with the other parents, and since the family is coming down from Austin and we’re hosting everyone on Easter Sunday, I figured it was the perfect chance to tidy up and take care of some more tidying-up-things I hadn’t had a chance to do. But first, I wanted to go jogging! I started up again this past Tuesday when I went with Emmos.

And then Wednesday, both girls went with me and we literally RAN since it was about to start raining.

So of course I would wake up today feeling like a chicharron; completely sore and immobile. And guess what? I slept till friggin’ 10:30 a.m.! So I didn’t accomplish that part of my to-do list. I made some breakfast, Keto Pancakes, instead!

And then I got to cleaning. First I started with my bathroom, which the cats completely destroyed. I love Kika, but my gosh, that cat is sooo messy!

I’d recently finished the book “The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up” because this chick needs HELP with tidying. So I used the KonMarie method last week by starting with all the clothes I own…and got rid of 1 garbage bag. ONE. UNO. I must have done something wrong! But Jorge installed a 2nd rod below one side and now I have space for my pants! Now all my clothes finally fit, thank God. Maybe that’s all I needed! 😆 I still have a mess on my futon though: stuff that needs mending, stuff that needs to go to the cleaners and stuff I want to sell on eBay. (That last one probably isn’t going to happen and the stuff’s gonna end up at Goodwill anyway *sigh*.)

Anyway. Cleaning out my closet entailed pulling out my large storage bin of photo albums. Those albums have been in that bin since Mario and I got divorced and that bin followed me to each house, each closet I’ve had since. They stayed in the bathroom all week until today when I removed some 80’s toys from the bottom shelf of one of my bookcases and organized all my albums. Of course, my ADD didn’t allow me to just PUT the books on the shelf; I had to look through each one of them. I’m not sure if flipping through and seeing my boys as babies, frozen in time, and now I don’t even speak to them on some days because they don’t answer their damn phones! Or seeing the girls as babies, or all the family photos with my ex-family, or photos I had of Jorge with other girls I despised LOL (we were friends our whole lives, remember?), or seeing photos of Gramma and just missing her…but as the day went on I felt this huge cloud of sadness just engulf me completely. I had already finished cleaning the bathroom, the bookcase and was halfway through organizing and chucking stuff in the kitchen when I realized I felt…defeated. I looked around and I felt tired, and I felt like I wasted my day off…and then I suddenly started bawling. For no reason. I just stood there in front of the sink and cried and sobbed. And I just let it happen. I went outside to the porch to get some fresh air, and just as I was calming down, Sandra calls me. I take a deep breath before I answer and we talk and I tell her she called at just the right moment. We talk about her goings on and my goings on and then we hang up. I was tossing out papers in the kitchen and was about to start vacuuming when I decided I needed a break. So here I am. It could also be that I haven’t really eaten; I just had some iced coffee and a few bites of a One bar. But writing has helped. And I called the kids to get an update on their day, so I feel better.

Maybe cleaning made me emotional 😆 ! Jorge got home later on and we went to pick up wings at Pizza Hut and as he’s telling me about all these awesome plans I just start bawling again! He said I was scaring him and that I have no reason to stress right now…and I really don’t! So, who knows, but I feel better now, thank goodness!

A new school year started this week for the girls and Eenan (well, a new semester for Eenan)! Jaylen, Jorgie, Justin and Julien started school since last week.

It was a short week for them, though, considering that we were in the possible path of Hurricane Harvey, so they cancelled school on Friday.

Jaylen was thinking of getting out of football this year, but he changed his mind. His coach wanted him to get back in. His workload is just overwhelming, and he’ll be getting home at 8pm-9pm after practice–not to mention, games–but he’s pretty good at managing his time and level of responsibility.

He has projects galore with Early College, and called me last week, around Wednesday, to ask for some anecdotes about him when he was little that I could remember. I thought, ‘I got you Fam’ and reminded him that most of his life is documented on this very website 😆 . He said, “My friends can never find out about this website…I must clear my history and everything, just in case.” 😆

I remember when Eenan realized I’d written about most of their lives and somewhat embarrassing experiences (that were cute to me–not so much to teenage them 😆 ). He was in 9th or 10th grade, I think, and he told me his friend did a search for him and found tons of photos of him as a little kid. I never knew what to expect as they grew up–if they’d be okay with it or not, but I don’t think they mind that their lives have been documented this way. (We’ll see later on when my little divas find out 😆 !)

Since our evening event at work was cancelled, also due to the possible hurricane, I picked my kiddos up right after work and of course, it’s always an adventure with them 😀 . Our ride home was spent listening to Jaylen read a few blog posts I wrote about him and Eenan and the girls were all giggles. First was one where he was in 1st or 2nd grade and very proudly told me he had a girlfriend he met in the cafeteria 😆 . As Jaylen is reading, Eenan says, “My God, you’re so descriptive!” (That made me beam a little 😀 !)

The other story was the actual post about the time that Kohl’s had their grand opening and he and Eenan were fighting and causing a ruckus and when I finally decided it was time to go, Jaylen went limp as I was holding his hand and started screaming, “She’s hurting me, she’s hurting me!” as we walked past the cash registers . See, always an adventure LOL. The girls had a kick listening to the stories.

I woke up Saturday morning and went for a walk at the Ducky Park. Finally!!

It’d been several weeks since I got out there. It was such a fresh, wonderful morning, I couldn’t miss it. They keep saying we “dodged a bullet” on the news with Hurricane Harvey. All the devastation in Houston, Rockport, Victoria, etc. It could have been us 🙁 .

I got home, made breakfast for myself, showered and got ready to go to my co-worker, Anabel’s, baby shower. Then I was kicking myself in the ass because I didn’t have time to blow-dry and straighten my hair, and I still needed to iron my dress and buy a card. I’m all over the place 🙄 .

I couldn’t find anything to wear!! I hadn’t fit into the black/white dress I wore since…2013? Probably the last time I was eating Keto. This time, it was kind of baggy–but I still wish I could fit into dresses with a flat stomach. I know, I know, I’m being ridiculous 🙄 . This mom bod will get there, eventually!

I went to visit Gramma afterwards, then I bought the girls their mandatory headphones for school at 5 Below and finished their school supply shopping. Can you believe I couldn’t find freaking Germ-x??

Anyway. I’m pretty sure I did some grocery shopping, too, and got home to make some chili, per Emily’s request (beanless for Jorge and me). The Mayweather/McGreggor fight was that night (so disappointing! Dammit, McGreggor!) and Jorge made me an awesome Ketofied drink!

Sunday was spent doing laundry, cleaning and cooking–so thrilling. Although Eenan didn’t want to, I took him out to drive. He drove me to and from HEB, and to a PokeStop at the park 😆 . He did REALLY GOOD this time!!

Then it was time to drop the boys off, since I wouldn’t be able to clone myself and drop Eenan off at the University at 7:30pm, Jaylen off at the Early College at 8:30am and the girls back at the elementary at 7:30am. All are about 30-45 minutes apart. So I sucked it up and dropped the boys off at their dad’s Sunday evening 🙁 . Makes me sad that I lose time with them, but it’s not fair to them to wake up at the crack of dawn when they don’t have to be at school for hours.

I don’t even remember how we started talking about it on the way to their dad’s, but we somehow got into drama from the divorce. They had lots of snippets of memories and wanted to piece together timelines. So we did. It made me emotional and angry all over again, especially since this month marks 7 years since all the high-drama went down. I made sure to let them know I love them all and couldn’t live without them. Alaethia was a bit emotional on the way back home, so I let Emily into the house when we got here and spoke to Alaethia about it. I got teary and she did and she said, “Nooo, don’t cry!” and I told her that they were my life and I couldn’t imagine my life without them. Some heavy, deep shit. But we were in a hurry to eat and get their things ready for the morning so we got over it, heh.

Everyone had a great day at school!

They pick their own clothes *sigh*. I want them to be dressed up all frilly wth bows and they’re SO over that 🙄 .

Anyway, Emily has Alaethia’s GT teacher from when she was in 3rd grade and Alaethia has her 2nd grade teacher as her 5th grade teacher, so they’re pretty happy. PLUS, they have most of their good friends in their class, so they’re thrilled about that!

They went on the bus the first 2 days of school, but because some bus monitor separates the kids and scared Alaethia thinking Emily wasn’t on the bus, Mario picked them up today. I think he’s going to continue to? Not sure, need to ask. Emily was the only one upset about not going on the bus LOL.

Eenan still owes me a campus selfie since I couldn’t be there to take one. I could hear him roll his eyes when I asked for it by phone 😆 .

Work has been busy and eventful. I actually got there at 8am for 2 days in a row! I hadn’t packed my lunch today so I was late by 20 minutes. Oopsie!

Today is my 4-month Keto-versary!! I’ve felt ravenous today, and extremely thirsty, and I don’t know why the FAK I keep getting acne again, but I feel great LOL. I posted some before and after pics on Instagram from when I started on April 30th, but I won’t post them here because–I don’t know, it’s just weird LOL. Still. I currently weigh 115, which I what I weighed back in 2012 when I was running 7 miles with Jorge. (I still can’t wrap my head around that shit! 7 miles?? Who was I??!) But now, all I do is eat bacon, eggs, iced coffee, almond bread and walk once a week and I’m back at it, woo!!