Category: Sadness

Hope everyone (who celebrates) had a Happy Easter :).

As for our weekend (man I really need to update more frequently!)…on Friday, while getting ready for when everyone got here (Jose, Elda and the kids were arriving that day), the mail got here and Sonia presented me with a package from Vic! I was so excited…my initial thought was, “I thought she was sending a thank-you card?” LOL. I frantically opened it and was so surprised to see 2 10″ Care Bears and 3 10″ Care Bear Cousins, Hello Kitty stickers, a cute bag that says ‘Visit España’ on it, a Rainbow Brite ‘Star Sprinkles DVD, cute pencils, some little parachute guys and little goodies for the kids, some Strawberry Gum Tape, a teeny Hello Kitty Plush, Rose Petal Palace rings, and finally, a letter . All that for helping her with Greymatter. She’s so sweet. I feel guilty for not sending anything to her when she hosted me, or helped me get my domain and all the other awesome stuff she’s done for me. Gotta send her a *cough* thank-you card, too .

I finished getting ready and a few seconds later, everyone got here. We went in and said hello and gathered around and talked. Noelia had come home the day before and had a bad, bad virus, probably the flu. Poor Angela caught it that Friday, so she was miserable all day. Then Saturday, poor Sammy ended up catching it. I’ve been Lysoling everything like crazy–I’m so scared the kids will get it. The fever accompanied by that flu, or whatever it is, gets really high and they can’t keep anything down, not even medicine.

All the kids naturally gravitate towards our bedroom since there’s a plethora of toys…so you can imagine the condition of the room. I left for about 20 minutes, and when I came back, the room was turned completely upside down. Natalie ended up getting stuck in the rungs of the bunk beds–which have no mattresses on them because we’re going to disassemble it and put/give it away. Jaylen’s little tool shed thing was completely taken apart…and I have no idea how they did that since you need to UNSCREW everything. Mary got them all to clean since I was about to lose it (I’d just cleaned earlier that day LOL). As for outside…the canopy of the swing is torn in half and the slide was separated from the rest of the swing set. 9 kids=madness!

We went to Yadira’s that night and just talked and laughed. Noelia invited Andy over so he could meet everyone and everybody liked him. I’m so happy for her . He treats her so well and she’s just really happy. It’s about time she found someone who suits her.

Mario got there from work that night and while everyone was in the breakfast nook I helped Yadira wash dishes and then I made some break-apart Easter cookies. It was a nice night. Oh yeah, and Eenan punched Jaylen in the face…but other than that, it was a nice night…

At the moment, I can’t remember much from Saturday but I doubt we (the kids and I) went anywhere. Oh yeah, no we didn’t go anywhere. Yazmin spent the night with us so we were here all day…she on the computer and I was cleaning and then making two pans of flan the rest of the day. We had a birthday party for Albert to go to and I was taking flan. The one I made for the party ended up breaking apart completely when I flipped it because I didn’t have my flan-pan (it’s at Maggie’s). I didn’t even bother flipping the one for “here” for Easter because I was afraid it would break too. I got ready and felt uncomfortable and “rolly” in everything I had so I just wore a Strawberry Shortcake t-shirt and jeans. I knew everyone would be all “fancy” but I was frustrated and couldn’t have cared less. On the way to the place we took a sharp turn and the cajeta split all over my leg. Niiiice! I was so embarrassed, but when we got there Mario said we took a sharp turn and it spilt on me, and not only that but he blamed the broken flan on the turn. I looked at him with an extremely thankful look on my face and he stayed outside with some of the guys and their wives and I stayed inside with Albert’s sister and wife. I drank a yummy wine cooler and then we went outside and joined the husbands. We all got our plates when the food was done and as soon as we sat back down, it started pouring. We ran inside and ate there. It turned out to be a nice night aside from the rain.

We got home at around 12-1am that night, so we were super tired Easter morning. We had our 6th Anniversary cuddle time and then I took a shower while he went out to get the fire ready for the bar-be-cue. We had a whole bunch of dyed eggs that needed stuffing and covering, so after I got out of the shower I took everything to Mary’s and got started. I only got to finish about 1 1/2 dozens, and the rest stayed without stuffing since we ran out of confetti. Sonia, Jaylen and I went to the Dollar General and Family Dollar stores and they were closed. H-E-B was closed for sure and so was Wal-Mart, so we didn’t even bother going. Andy’d come over to spend Easter with Noey and said that on his way over he saw people coming out of the other Family Dollar store, so Elda, Yazmin, Sonia and I went. Either they’d been open and we’d gotten there too late, or people were just stopping by and checking if it was open. We went to Joy Dollar, which was the only place open and found a whole bunch of cute, cheap stuff Elda needed for baskets and prizes for the egg hunt. I found confetti and some jumbo crayons and a coloring book since Jaylen’s basket didn’t have one and we came home.

When the food was finally done, we all ate then went outside to do the egg hunt and crack the eggs. Eenan started crying because he didn’t find an egg with a number on it (which means you get a prize) and Brandon gave him one since he found two…awww . There were prizes left, so even Jaylen got one. They had so much fun with the egg hunt and even more fun cracking the eggs on everyone. After that, we got all the kids in line to hit the egg-shaped pinata Annie brought. I quickly ran in to empty my other memory card and the darn thing wouldn’t erase the pictures because it was supposedly write-protected. Took forever, but I got it to work and I hear Mario yell, “Kids…get in line from smallest to tallest…Yajaira, you first.” The short jokes will never get old…

The kids opened their Easter baskets and were in love with everything in them. The main gift in Eenan’s basket was a Bionicle DVD and Jaylen got the Spongebob Squarepants movie. The boys got a basket from each of their Ninos (Godparents) and one from us. Since Jaylen has two sets of Ninos he got three baskets in total…so he had fun LOL. It was a really nice day. I loved that we all got to be together. I didn’t get to see Mom, John and Gramma though, so that was really depressing for me, but I got to talk to Mom and we’ll hopefully see Gramma on Thursday. Poor Mom had to work from 3-9 that day . Mario watched the Bionicle movie with the kids while I helped clean the mess outside. When I came in, he took a nap and the kids happily played with their toys. I don’t remember much from that night. I know we got together to have dinner, but I don’t remember what we ate, or who was here or what we did .

The next day the kids and I just spent the day here and I tried cleaning as much as I could. I tried spending as much time with everyone as I could, but since Eenan had school the next day I had to get him ready and I also had to make Mario’s lunch for work. The hectic-ness starts again!

Jaylen woke me up Monday night (early Tuesday morning) at around 2am asking for some milk. So I gave him a cup and straw and he finished it, then started rolling around in his bed groaning that his tummy hurt. I was so scared he caught the virus I couldn’t sleep because I was afraid he’d throw up. Then MY stomach started hurting. Needless to say, I didn’t fall asleep till almost 4am. After dropping Eenan off at school and making Mario breakfast and seeing him off to work, I took a nice, long nap with Jaylen. Then I cleaned. Mary called and said she was going grocery shopping and asked if I’d like to go along and I needed to so I said yes. Noelia would pick Eenan up. We came home and I helped Eenan with his homework, then everyone got together and we ate dinner. Andy came over and brought his little red-eared turtles with him (I think that’s what they’re called?). So now we have two little turtles named Jackie and Daniel…aww . Mario said he was going to kick my ass for taking more animals in but I told him he doesn’t take care of the other animals anyway (I DO) so I’d take care of them and he didn’t have to worry about it. The kids are excited…maybe it’ll heal the pain of losing their dear Goldie. Yes, I forgot to mention it above, but Goldie died on Friday, I think. I was going to change out his (her?) water and when Eenan passed by the tank, he yelled “Oh NO! Goldie’s DEAD!!” I ran over, and sure enough, he was floating sideways in the tank . He had been totally fine in the morning when Eenan fed him. His water wasn’t even cloudy. I think it’s because he needed a filter and stuff…and the man at Wal-Mart said all he needed was purified water. Grr. So anyway, I grabbed a little cardboard box and stuck him in it so we could bury him next to Hamtaro’s grave and Jaylen went crazy. After I taped up the box, he grabbed it away from me and just wailed that he wanted me to open the box and put Fishy back in his tank. He kept screaming, “Open it, Mama, open it!” I felt so bad and swallowed the lump creeping up my throat and told him we’d bury him and then he could visit him whenever he wants and take him flowers like they do to Hamtaro. That made him feel a little better so we went out there, buried him and they brought him little weeds and flowers LOL.

When I dropped Eenan off at school today he remembered it was Pet Day so I had to come back and get the turtles and gerbil and take them to his class. Jaylen woke up to help me LOL. Hopefully the animals are okay and not poked and prodded too much. I don’t think Ms. O. would let them mess with them too much anyway.

There were two other pets there: a teeny goldfish (with very cloudy water ) and an adorable Siberian hammy like Pecan. I would have taken Pecan but man, he’s a meanie! He’ll bite the kids for sure if they stick their fingers into the cage. I can barely feed the lil’ fucker without him trying to attack my hand .

Welp, gonna hang/fold clothes and then change out the animals’ sheddings. Then I’m going to watch Medium .

(more…)

I’ve actually been driving–and not just around the neighborhood! On Monday, I drove all the way to Peñitas by myself in the morning. Then at night, Mary sent me to order from McDonald’s. I took John with me. It was hilarious.The boy seriously thought I was going to get us killed. Halfway there I tell him out of the blue, “I have heartburn”, and responds with, “I have diarreah” . I can’t be that bad of a driver!

We were laughing the whole time, mostly because he was being ridiculous. If I had gotten into an accident, it would have been his fault for making me laugh. But we got there and back home safely. Later he tells me, “I need to drive. If YOU can drive, then I can definetly drive.” I felt just a bit offended .

Today, I went to drop Eenan off at school (first day back!). Then dropped John off (he was actually not as tense with me driving this time), and then went to Peñitas again. I made a huge mistake, which could have gotten me (and little Jaylen) into an accident, but the damn light never turned GREEN! So, I need to be more careful and study my driving book a little more . But other than that, I did very well. Now…let’s see when I can drive to Mission on my own .

As for John, he’s pretty upset. He found out yesterday his good-for-nothing girlfriend was indeed cheating on him. Something I already knew just by her personality and the way she spoke to me, and something John could sense deep in his heart. He wasted a whole year on her. Can you believe she’s leaving to another state (again) because the guy she cheated with is coming down here to see her and she’s afraid she’ll fall in love with him again? What kind of shit is that? What about John?! She needs to stop being a coward and deal with the problems she’s caused for herself. All John can say is he wants her to be happy. He felt bad because she felt bad and she was crying her eyes out. I say that’s bullshit. Good for her. I hope she feels like shit for a long damn time for doing this to him. I’m so disappointed. I actually liked the little hooch. It’s a damn shame.

It’s all her fault I couldn’t get a decent night’s sleep. I was so afraid John would do something stupid (because he’s depressed and has already been suicidal at one point). I slept with the door to the bedroom open so I could hear what he was doing. Everytime I’d hear the bathroom door open I’d wake up again. I almost felt like putting all the pills that were in the medicine cabinet in my room, but I didn’t want to make it obvious I was paranoid. I hope he can find happiness, with someone else, soon. She’s definetly not worth it.

Argh, anyway. Mario’s finally awake. He actually has today off . Gonna go get some tools from work that he needs and then we’re going to the groceries. Fun!

(more…)

I’m going to regret this tomorrow morning…staying up this late. Like I have every other night this week. I’m really tired, but I don’t feel sleepy. Blah, anyway.

Tomorrow’s going to suck I think. We didn’t get to buy the kids fireworks this year, Mario’s probably going to get out of work late (as always–but it’s not his fault ), Mom probably won’t get to come over, hopefully Mario won’t forget to pick John up…yeah, it’ll be boring. At least last year Mom was here and we popped fireworks with the kids and drank Bailey’s Milkshakes with Mary. I don’t even think we have ice cream!

I was bored as heck today without John here (yes douchebag, even though you get on my nerves at times, I enjoy your company…now, never speak of this again…). He went with Mom to the Social Security office. I hope, hope, hope she qualifies for SSI, or whatever it’s called. Disability? I mean, if they can help Alicia (that old bat Dad had been with) and they can help Tia Zoila, who have absolutely nothing wrong with them but the lazy gene, then they can help Mother. I’m just praying they will. She shouldn’t be working anymore. That’s the reason her diabetes is always on the fritz…they don’t give her a break since she only works 5-6 hours! Diabetics need to eat all three, or 5 small, meals a day!

So, since I was bored I decided to mess around with Google and search for stuff. It occured to me to search for ‘Rio Grande Valley’ and ‘McAllen’. It surprises me that out of all the people that live around here, I’ve only met two (very lovely) ladies from the Valley. Where is everyone? There’s got to be other bloggers out there. It’s just weird to me since the Valley’s so big. Maybe there are, and they’re just not in search engines?

All that got me thinking about my old friends *sigh*. What I’d give to have a little reunion. I have no idea what’s going on in Vero’s, Sally’s, Jessica’s, Angie’s, Dayse’s or anyone else’s lives. The last I heard was from Angie last March…only because I ran into her at Wal-Mart and she invited me to her wedding, which was a week later. I cracked a smile after hearing her say that because it broke my heart I wasn’t even properly invited. I’d known that girl since 1st grade . I’ve–well, not so much me, but my mother-in-law–has had the same phone number forever…she could have at least called me to let me know. I mean, I invited her to my wedding…not that she showed up . She asked, “You have my number, right?”, after telling me about the wedding. I nodded yes (she’s had the same one since we were in 1st grade) and told her I’d call her. I didn’t. I couldn’t get myself to. I felt so hurt by it all, call me a drama queen if you will.

I remember being in 3rd or 5th grade and we were in the lunch line. We were laughing like crazy and I don’t remember exactly what we were talking about, but I do remember clearly telling her she’d be my kids’ Godmother when we grew up. It really, truly sucks that she isn’t .

A similar thing happened when Vero was going to have her baby. They called me that same morning before I went into work to let me know she was having a baby shower. Of course I couldn’t make it, but I wanted to so badly! I almost skipped work to go. Instead, I got her some gifts and we dropped them off later. I remember getting tears in my eyes and actually sobbing when I saw her little girl in her arms. I felt so happy for her. But I didn’t even know her boyfriend. I didn’t even know her anymore. I felt so odd standing there with the gift bag and felt almost silly to be crying over this stranger and her child. I’ve known her since Pre-K. What really put the dagger into my chest was that Sally was the one throwing the baby shower for her (I’ve known Sally since Pre-K, too). I felt so alienated…and so jealous that they still had this strong friendship and I was just this girl they barely remembered at the last minute and decided to call for the heck of it. I don’t think she ever really got over our “problem” from 7th grade. It hurts to know I hurt her so badly that she may have hated me all those years after that. Maybe she thinks about me now and still resents me? That’s what hurts most of all.

As for Jessica, we kept in touch every so often. She’d even come sleep over before she had Danielle and her and her husband were having problems. We were “the twins” because we looked so much alike (though I always thought she was much more attractive), were the exact same height (short!), wore the same thing without knowing sometimes, and were inseperable. Until 8th grade and Coral came along. But that’s a whole other blog entry .

I know for a while Jessica didn’t like me, for reasons I don’t even know about, when we were in middle school. Maybe around 7th grade even. Maybe influenced by Coral and her hatred for me. I really don’t know why she hated me so much. People said she was jealous, though she had no reason to be. I believe it now due to the fact that she (Coral) tried to ruin every relationship I had in 9th grade when I still lived in McAllen. But Jessica and I kept in touch in high school since she went to a different one than the rest of us and kept in touch even more after high school. I miss her the most I think. I remember we lost touch after I had Jaylen. Then I called her up again one day when I was about to ‘pop’ with him and we started talking again. Then, she was going to have another baby, another baby girl. She called one day and asked if she could buy my maternity clothes off of me and I appologetically declined because most had just barely been bought for me by Mom and Mary in my last trimester and I didn’t think it would be too nice to get rid of everything for about $100. (These were after all, Motherhood and Mothertime clothes, which aren’t very cheap ). I think I spoke to her once after that. I really hope we just lost touch because of our busy lives and not because I wouldn’t sell her maternity clothes. As I’ve mentioned before…I just wish I had a crystal ball where I can see how everyone’s doing. Not so much get in contact with them again, because, based on past experiences, I know it’ll be a one-sided thing where I’ll be the only one making an effort. But I just want to see how everyone’s doing. It’s quite sad I haven’t heard from Dayse since 10th grade. I wish I knew how Pete, Lazaro, Freddy, Roy, Paul, how they’re all doing too.

It just sucks that I lost all those friendships. Out of all the friendships/aquaintances I made after leaving McAllen, none were as special as the ones I had with my childhood friends. None felt the same. I could never really trust anyone. Possibly one of the reasons I clung to Mario so much when I’d moved to Mission…because he understood me and actually cared about me. Whoo…I think I need to get to bed. I’m getting all choked up and am revealing too much information LOL. I feel silly now. But I’ve typed too damn much to close the window.

*sigh* I really need that crystal ball…

(more…)