Category: Domestic-ness

This Only Happens to Me

Thursday, August 27th is a day that I’ll remember for a good while. First, I had a follow-up appointment for results with my obgyn. I’d gotten a Colposcopy 2 weeks before, because a month ago my results from my 6-month appointment came back abnormal. Once again, I had “low-grade cells”. So once again, like in December, I had a Colposcopy. It’s not fun. Well—any appointment where your hoo-ha is in someone’s face and they’re digging around with cold metal tools isn’t fun. But anyway. They practically turn you upside down to execute this procedure and the “pinch” from the biopsy is less than pleasant. It takes your breath away. But it’s important to do and I try my hardest not to miss these appointments. Thankfully, my results came back negative. My doctor scared the crap out of me when he walked into my room and said, “CONGRATULATIONS!” I’m sitting in an office where most women are pregnant…so hearing that WORD made my heart sink. I immediately say, “Wait, I’m here for results,” and he laughs and says, “Oh! No, I’m SO SORRY! I mean, congrats, everything came back normal!”

Sweet. Jesus.

So after the scare of my life and setting up another appointment in 6 months, I went on to my primary doc. I had to see my doc so she could determine whether I was going to get another prescription for my antidepressant or be referred to a psychiatrist/psychologist (don’t know which it would be). So I spoke to my doc (after they drew blood, which sucks because for the first time in a while I had coffee with heavy whipping cream instead of fasting and I’m sure my cholesterol is going to be through the roof 😥 !), and after a series of questions and her asking me how I feel I ended up getting a higher dose of medication. It’s something I probably should have done 6 months ago, when my anxiety and depression was at an all-time high due to all the drama, but I’m glad I finally did it. I don’t know if it’s the placebo effect of just knowing I have a higher dose, but I think it’s really making a difference! Usually, around Shark Week, I suffer from PMDD, but this time I have only slightly gotten sad for no reason a couple of times! No crying all day! Finally!!

That day was also my 1 month Keto-versary! One month of FINALLY sticking with it without breaks or losing my mind and going on a 1-2 month sugar binge.

Quest Pizza
Keto snack haul from Walmart

Yes, I had the occasional cheat here and there, but I always started back up immediately. I don’t feel as bloated and although I was hoping to lose way more for my first month, I lost anywhere from 6-9 pounds. I’m not really sure if I started at 149 (that’s what the scale at the doctor had said when I started—and it’s the same scale at home) but by the time I weighed myself at home I was 146. So I’m going with 9, because it makes me feel better 😆 ! So right now, I’m sitting at 140 and in a size 11 (juniors) and 8 (misses) and top in medium-some small.

I was feeling so proud that I decided I was going to start with my 2-mile walks that night, without skipping days, like I used to when Lucia and I would go together (man, I miss her!).

No filter

So I changed into my workout clothes, wrapped my belly in my sweat-wrap thing, wrapped my knee in KT Tape, put my knee brace over my tape and pants and I was ready to go. Around 1.5 miles I start feeling a weird, itchy pain on the inside of my thigh above my knee and I feel like maybe I should stop walking. But, like always, I trudged on to hit 2 miles and loosened my brace when I got to my car. I got home, removed my sweat-wrap and knee brace and sat next to Jorge on the sofa and told him about how weird my leg felt. I told him, “I think the friction of the tape and knee brace is what’s bothering me. I’m going to shower.” So I showered and removed some of the tape (it’s expensive, I didn’t want to remove it all!). I dried up and got dressed and I couldn’t stand it—I had to peel off the remaining tape. I did it carefully—very carefully—because you can rip your skin off. I was in shock to see that I was developing little blisters.

The shiny stuff is Neosporin

This reminded me of the time I got my breast reduction surgery/lift and as soon as I was able to shower my scars became inflamed and turned into blisters, just like this! I’m wondering if this batch of KT Tape had whatever chemical/ingredient that the Steri-Strip tape had that I’m allergic to. (Oh, how I wish I could have sued someone! That was a terrible experience!) This had never happened to me with KT Tape in the last 3 years of using it!

The next day when the blisters popped >_<

Needless to say, my leg was extremely sore and any stretching (I kept forgetting and trying to sit with my legs crossed) caused immense pain. So I didn’t continue with my 2 mile walks. Ugh.

I had told Jorge early Saturday that I would like to go on a date. He said he would be tired getting out of work, but how about we go for a day at the beach on Sunday? I was excited! I’d been wanting to go to the beach for a while to get some sun and just enjoy a drink and a book while feeling the breeze and having the ocean as my soundtrack. Plus, maybe spending some time alone together at the beach would rekindle our rocky-since-March-marriage? Didn’t hurt to try.

The plan was: I would accompany him to work and then we’d head to the Island. Of course we would wake up late and then we were rushing. Still, he was in an ok mood. He completed his to-do list at work while I read my book and then we took off. We had to stop at Walmart since we needed a canopy and chairs and Jorge needed some flip flops. We got done, found a restaurant to eat (because we’d both skipped breakfast) and he was already very close to hangry. Still, I tried to be gracious and calm. Luckily the appetizer and our drinks came.

I felt like the flavor of my Piña Colada was off. But I drank it anyway. (Yes, I was already having a cheat meal.) I had the Almondy, which I’m sure was coated in flour and my sauce definitely had flour. Plus it came with potatoes, but I only ate a few.

We finish lunch and drive around looking for a beach access. We figure easiest thing to do would be to have drinks at Clayton’s and access the beach from there. We get off the car and get our things together to go change. We’re walking through CROWDS of people, many of them not wearing masks. Ugh. Jorge’s anxiety is going through the roof and he says he doesn’t want to be at Covid-Central. I tell him, “Let me just change into my bathing suit and we’ll go somewhere else.” It was boiling in that bathroom stall. I came out drenched to find Jorge even angrier. He said, “We didn’t get the damn flip flops.” Oops. I knew we forgot something…

So we go back to the car and think of what to do next. I tell him we don’t *have* to go to the beach, besides, just changing into my bathing suit gave me a headache (no, really).  He says, “We’re already here, may as well.” And then we both pass out for like 15 minutes in the AC. When we wake up, I have a pounding headache. We groggily look around and realize the empty parking spaces are completely full. We got out of there quick. All the County accesses were still closed. People were even going to the “end” of the strip where the dunes are, and were immediately turned back by police. We ended up at a City beach access, where it “only” took about 30 minutes to find a parking space.

Canopies aren’t allowed at the City beach, so we only take our chairs and cooler with drinks. We find a spot, and finally! Bliss.

I definitely didn’t feel as cute as I did in 2017-2018 when I had lost all that weight, but I still hiked up my cover-up to tan my legs 🙂 . I read some, then we went out to the water for a bit (it was SO NICE). I had 2 drinks, and around 3/4 of the way through the second one I started feeling really tired and almost nauseous. Jorge drank the rest of it. I told Jorge I was ready to go, so we gathered our things and made our way to the car. I easily changed into my going-home clothes and Jorge was quickly getting annoyed again because people kept passing by his window when he was trying to change. I tried being playful when he was halfway through changing his trunks and I made an “oooh” sound and he snapped, “I’m not in the mood, stop.”. So that annoyed me and I ignored him after that.

As we’re driving down the main strip he asks what I want to do. I said, “Go home,” and continue reading my book. He asked if I wanted to get Pineapple Ninjas after all, and I didn’t really feel hungry so I told him, “Well, maybe a drink. I want one of those pineapple drinks.” (I know that I shouldn’t, because of the sugar…) He drives there quietly and I ask if I have to get down—I was sweaty, my hair was a mess and I was really starting not to feel good, but I didn’t know how. He scoffs, clearly annoyed, so I say, ok, fine, I’ll get down. Then he says I don’t have to 🙄 but I’m already exiting the vehicle. I don’t know why I thought the drink had rum in it, but obviously it didn’t, so when I tell Jorge I don’t want one after all he glares at me and says, out loud, in front of everyone, that I’m wasting his fucking time. And storms off to the car. I’m embarrassed and rush off behind him. We get into a yelling match and by then my head feels like it’ll explode. He drives to Los Fresnos and parks in the parking lot of a Stripes and asks if I want something to drink. I dryly say no. He gets down to smoke and then we head home. Silently.

He asks what I want to do for dinner when we get closer to McAllen. I tell him I’m not hungry (not because I was having a fit, but because I really wasn’t, even though the last time we ate was at noon). I remember this and tell him, “Well, maybe Kumori”. He said, “I was thinking the same thing.” So that’s what I order: the family pack and my usual salmon salad with avocado and a sliced jalapeño firecracker. We get the food and head home. We unload the car and I take my stuff to my bedroom and I get really dizzy. I can’t stand my head, so I take 2 Ibuprofen. I change and go back to the living room, where everyone has started eating. I LOVE how Kumori smells—love it. But smelling the food sent me straight back to my bedroom. I lay down and almost cry from the intense pain in my head. And then it happens: the pre-puking heart racing and gagging. Anyone who knows me, knows that I have a fear of vomiting (emetophboia). But I felt SO BAD that I was almost relieved to run to the bathroom, where I began to vomit for what seemed like forever. I had a 30 minute break and then started all over again. It was the worst. Smirnoff Ice Margaritas and fish don’t taste very good coming back up. So disgusting.

My head was still hurting but it wasn’t the blinding pain it was before. I continued to feel nauseous so I called in to work. I was terrified to eat so I drank chicken broth with sea salt for 2 days and drank Powerade Zero and Gatorade Zero like my life depended on it. And to top it off, I couldn’t tell if the stomach cramps were from the heat exhaustion or whatever it was, or period cramps–cause of course I would start 🙄 .

I ate pretzels because I wasn’t sure what else to eat that was Keto. All these years and I still don’t know how to transition to solids after a stomach illness.

But I did get right back to Keto as soon as I felt better!

But then I went to happy hour with Martha:

And then finally got to go over to Mel’s to catch up. Emmos and Alaethia slept over. We had such a great time, the food was great and the girls even tried teaching us the WAP dance 😆 . Honestly, it’s an amazing workout bahahaha.

Ranga!! Tori’s pet chameleon!

Oh, and I finally got new glasses.

Keeping my fingers crossed that this next week continues to be good to me.

Negative

I finally got my COVID-19 test results today. And they were: NEGATIVE.

The labs are so saturated that my results took exactly 14 days to process. So since they were negative, the symptoms I was feeling were due to allergies/sinus and a stomach bug. But I felt exhausted and slept a ton. I guess that’s probably due to the good ol’ depression.

I submitted my paperwork to return to work tomorrow. I haven’t gotten a reply but maybe it’s because they’re busy.

I honestly don’t feel like working. I just want to lay in bed and sleep.

Jorge and I got in yet another lovely fight this morning. So now I’m left debating if I should just pack my shit (and the girls’ shit) and go. Like, permanently.

There’s also stress about this house and whether we’re going to have to move out anyway. In June, just like 5 years ago in June, the landlord’s daughter said her niece wanted to buy the house and was going to have a walk-through. Gee, thanks lady. With COVID-19 on the rise, though, they decided to postpone till the end of July. I was in a panic trying to tidy up and clean but then I decided it should look as shoddy as possible around here so she wouldn’t want to buy it 😆 .

Of course my credit is shot to shit so I can’t even dream of trying to buy the house (obviously we didn’t qualify 5 years ago either), plus if Jorge and I split he’s made it clear he won’t help me with bills. So, yeah. That’s my life.

Mario tested positive for COVID and the kids are over there, so now I’m wondering if they’ll have to quarantine for 14 days the way they did here with me.

Anyway. Just wanted to distract myself from what’s currently buzzing around in my brain. Going to kill some brain cells and continue watching 90 Day Fiance. And then finally visit my momma.

Quarantine

I’m currently quarantining at home with the kids. Not to worry–they’re 100% OK. Well, most of them. Jaylen and I are the ones who had secondary contact with people so we got tests done last Wednesday. I had a sore throat and cough and my stomach wasn’t feeling good, but I didn’t have fever at all.

It was a rather annoying morning, really, trying to get tested. We decided to go to the Urgent Care on Savannah, where Jorge had gotten his test done in April, and we arrived on time and everything. As soon as the office opened I began calling, only to be put on hold. The longest I was on hold was 9 minutes. I almost blew a gasket so I told Jaylen to wait in the car while I told people off. I walk into the lobby and it’s already packed–as packed as you can get while social distancing 6 feet. I tell the nurse that I’d been trying to call but they kept putting me on hold. She said, “Oh I’m sorry, there’s a waiting list.” I said, “Um, OK…how will I get on the waiting list if you never take my call?” She said, “Oh no, ma’am. I mean, there’s a waiting list. There are 500 people in front of you.” I couldn’t believe it.

So Jaylen and I went to the free testing site closest to our house. My boss had sent me a flyer and it was a city away. We’re driving to the site and see a super long line. That went on for about 2 miles. There *had* to be at least 300-400 people waiting in line, too. We said screw it, we’d take our chances and go to our doc’s office.

He explained about the finger-prick blood test and how they’re not accurate (later that day I found several articles about that online). He was almost hesitant about administering the tests and gave us a good explanation about them and how the results wouldn’t be here for another 5-7 days. We said fine, we needed them for work anyway. Laura lets us know it will be painful but she’ll be as gentle as possible. I thought This can’t be any worse than the flu test that tickles your brain. But I was wrong.

So wrong.

As the swab made its way into my left nostril I felt as though I’d gotten some type of acid-water in my nose, then felt immense pressure behind my left eye and then had an excruciating pain in my left temple. My eye immediately started crying like crazy. It was a pain I’d never experienced before in my life!

I was in pain the rest of the day (headache and even my ears started bothering me) and then I felt so exhausted I passed out for a few hours. I spoke to Laura on the phone and she said it would be 7-10 days for the results, not 5-7. Geez.

So I’ve been home with the kiddos. Organizing, cleaning here and there, spending time with the animals and kiddos, watching 90 Day Fiance and reading.

These are all my half-finished books but I’m currently finishing up “Everelle’s Quest” by Roda (Hilenski Grubb)! Promised her I would finish it this time! I really don’t know how people can complain about being holed up at home–I really love it.

. Plus not having to bother with makeup or getting dressed is so nice! (Don’t get me wrong, I do miss feeling girly some days!)

The only thing that sucks is not being able to see mom. But I speak to her almost every day. I wish we could get her to use a smart phone so we could video chat with her. Maybe I’ll bother John on his phone so we can “see” her.

We had a low-key 4th of July. Not going to lie: that day, I was feeling a little melancholy. It would have been Gramma’s 91st birthday. I still wish I could see her 🙁 .

Eenan stayed at his dad’s so we didn’t get to spend time with him, but I did speak to him on the phone. I know he’s 20-years-old and he’s doing his own thing, but I miss my boy LOL. The rest of the kiddos were here but not everyone was in the mood for Independence Day. Jorgie brought Jenn over but it was way too early and then she couldn’t end up staying. We weren’t doing our BBQ or festivities till night time. One of the positive things that happened was that I woke up and Alaethia had cleaned up the whole house and done dishes…BUT because she wanted to spend time with Yezleen. That girl DOES NOT understand self-isolation or social distancing 🙄 . But she does love her friends and I love them and their momma’s so I’m ok with it.

Thankfully Jaylen and Emily went to purchase the fireworks and stuff for bacon-wrapped hot dogs. Jorge was out of work early and when I told him about BBQ’ing he said, “It’s hot AF outside” so that was that :roll:. I made them in the oven instead. When it got dark Jaylen set up the fireworks and s’mores tables. I went out and set up our tiny clay s’mores pot.

Jorgie and Justin ended up asleep and playing video games, respectively. It was just Jorge, Jules, Jaylen and Emily outside.

I was also sad that I didn’t get to celebrate with Mom, John and Dimitri. Plus, it dawned on me (and of course Jorge had to twist the emotional dagger) that my kids are growing up and aren’t always going to be in the mood to have family holidays how we used to. Boo. I don’t like it. They should always want to have family time 😥 !

Anyway! The girls and Julien have taken over my room as I’ve been typing this up and I’m sure they’re going to knock over my clean laundry.